Thursday, February 24, 2011

Breaking: The Donkster Goes Free!

Many longtime readers have been following the travails of Hall of Scrote legend and 2009 Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award winner, the mythic icon that is Donkey Douche.

From his arrest back in 2008 over alleged drug dealing, terrorist threats and general douche-rage, we all wondered when the crimson visage of the donkster would again be back in action rubbing up on A-level club hotties.

Now, word comes out that after an epic two year legal battle , the Donkster is going free:

—–
A jury found a Palatine man not guilty Thursday of making a false bomb threat while going through security at the DuPage County courthouse in Wheaton.

Marc J. Mueller, 32, also was acquitted of a bribery charge alleging he offered to pay sheriff’s deputies to avoid prosecution.

Mueller was arrested about 8:20 a.m. July 17, 2008, as he attempted to enter the courthouse to appear in an unrelated drug case.

Sheriff’s Deputy Chris Shannon testified that Mueller arrived, accompanied by two friends, and attempted to bypass several people waiting in line to go through security screening after yelling profanities and acting belligerent.

Shannon said he ordered Mueller to return to the line and take off his belt, at which point the defendant told him it was a “belt bomb.”

Mueller was arrested on the spot on a felony disorderly conduct charge.
Moments later, the defendant — carrying more than $5,000 at the time — offered a cash bribe described as a “tip,” said Shannon, whose testimony was corroborated by several other officers.

“He seemed fairly serious,” Sgt. Thomas Hoffman testified.

But Mueller flatly denied both allegations on the stand Thursday, saying tempers flared but there were never bribes or threats.

“I sarcastically said, ‘It’s a belt, not a bomb,’” he testified.
————

Remember kids.

It’s a belt. Not a bomb.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading ... Loading ...
# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
6:18 pm February, 24 DoucheMonkey said...

Nice kissy lips Donkey Douche

6:24 pm February, 24 Charles Whitman's Ghost said...

Great. Rahmbo’s mayor and teh Donkster’s free to douche it up.

I loved you, Chicago. Farewell.

6:30 pm February, 24 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Donk can go back to living the dream and pulling the hotts.

6:30 pm February, 24 Steve L. said...

the Donk has his parents to thanks for hiring the right lawyers.

6:34 pm February, 24 Stackhouse said...

High five Donk! I told you Cam the left handed Jew lawyer was the shizzle-dizzle.
Um, Get some?

7:10 pm February, 24 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Fuck the police. Good for Donk.

7:13 pm February, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Knowing that he really has a name and that it’s Marc J. Mueller has totally ruined his image. I’ll never look at him the same way.

7:30 pm February, 24 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

He’s braying at us. Bribery: does a greater Chicago-area dweller know any other way of life? I think not.
Our mocking must have back-fired him into FAME, which does a man good when getting off with a JURY.
This time-uh, the JOKE’S ON US, LOL!!!

7:41 pm February, 24 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I mean listen to the charges… Donkster wanted IN to the big house, and was jonesin’ for some forced prison butt sex, not to mention the salad tossin’. But he’s been denied. What’s a bro to do? Bomb threat? Bribery? Not good enough nowadays. He’s going to have to switch to plan B. It involves a live badger, a jar of vaseline, a box of fireworks, and 6 Thai hookers.

7:46 pm February, 24 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

He may have beat this charge, but as far as I am concerned, the Donk has already been tried and convicted of the first-degree rape of western culture and human dignity.

7:49 pm February, 24 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Very prophetic from the link: “I did some time and now i learned my lesson”
.
Like I said, jonesin’ for the butt sex… but prison has gotten more selective since then.

7:52 pm February, 24 Fatness said...

Meh. The DuPage County sheriffs department is slightly less competent than your average mall cop. Their most famous prosecution involved putting innocent men in jail under the death penalty for 10 years when they clearly weren’t guilty.
.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeanine_Nicarico_murder_case
.
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2009-11-13/news/0911120830_1_brian-dugan-rolando-cruz-jeanine-nicarico
.
Good for the Donk making them look even stupider.

7:55 pm February, 24 Fatness said...

Oh, and Whoop-Di-Douche (7:30), as I am a greater Chicago-area dweller, what will you give me to answer that question?

7:59 pm February, 24 Wedgie said...

So, the upshot of all this is DuPage County will be paying the Donk $3.5 million in a few years?
Shit, I need a new career.

8:15 pm February, 24 Anthony LaBaglia said...

And I thought Atlanta was a dungheap.

8:44 pm February, 24 Vin Douchal said...

“I sarcastically said, ‘It’s a cockk, not a Sure SM58a,’”

8:44 pm February, 24 Vin Douchal said...

“I sarcastically said, ‘It’s a twat, not a bowl of calamari,’”

8:45 pm February, 24 Vin Douchal said...

“I sarcastically said, ‘It’s a pus festering boil, not a Skittle,’”

8:46 pm February, 24 Vin Douchal said...

“I sarcastically said, ‘It’s called a prison butt fuckin’ , not a romantic trist,’”

8:47 pm February, 24 Vin Douchal said...

“I sarcastically said, ‘It’s my dad’s legal bills, not mine,’”

8:52 pm February, 24 Vin Douchal said...

“I sarcastically said, ‘It’s hate-fuck, not breakfast at Denny’s with Gramama,’”

9:20 pm February, 24 Vin Douchal said...

Donk’s looking a little like Crackhead Bob in this photo
.
.
.

9:52 pm February, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The grandson of the only child to escape the Goebbel’s familicide. Mark enjoys Yiddish cuisine, lampshade making, cooking things in ovens, propaganda, firing squads, and cyanide play. His prefence in the ladies department are the blonde Scandinavian type in lederhosen or wasting Semitic girls in rags bent over a desk. His favorite perfume is Au De La Burning Flesh. An outdoorsman, Mark prefers the simple things in life like crack, hunting Jews, bribing police, and getting swole. A gentile temperament and lovely scowl make this goy a catch.

9:53 pm February, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Son.

11:00 pm February, 24 Guid is Good said...

DoucheyWallnuts said… “Knowing that he really has a name and that it’s Marc J. Mueller has totally ruined his image. I’ll never look at him the same way.”

He’ll always be the Donk to us.

1:35 am February, 25 appointment setting said...

Knowing that they has a name & that it’s Marc J. Mueller has ruined his picture. I will never look at him the same way.

1:43 am February, 25 The Dude said...

Donk slap those pigs!

Score one for les douches!

2:52 am February, 25 The Dude said...

Viva Las Donkays!

6:05 am February, 25 Hermit said...

Donkey Douche’s real name is Marc Mueller? The irony is incredible. Marc MULE-er?
.
I suppose Fish Slap’s real name is Bob Troutman.

6:19 am February, 25 Micah Mills said...

what a dick – post a link to his facebook page.

6:20 am February, 25 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Well, we can always hope he gets convicted on the trafficking marijuana charge. I may move to Chicago just so I can serve on his jury.

6:39 am February, 25 Troy Tempest said...

he still has the drug charges to contend with.

In my world, his drug charges would never have happened (I say legalise it), which would have prevented the other two charges from happening, saving the citizens of Illinois thousands of dollars.

Sigh.

But, no – the USA has this massive paranoid cockk up its butt about smokin weed, and they would cheerfully bankrupt themselves on an endless parade of prisons for dopes like donkster than simply grow the fuck up and legalise the stuff.

Sad but typical.

I heard there’s a case of a woman serving 10 years for pot possession in Texas whose rapist convicted a few years ago made parole and will be walking free before she ever sees daylight.

6:48 am February, 25 Anonymous said...

I just looked at that picture from 8/13/09. All I can say is now the inside of my mouth tastes like vomit, and I know what religion the Donkster is.

7:00 am February, 25 Anonymous said...

Before all of you lamenting the Donkster’s apparent loss of prison love, read all the words!! These are the last two sentences from the article related to the MOST RECENT proceedings.>>>

Jurors deliberated less than two hours before reaching the verdict at the one-day trial before Judge John Kinsella.

Mueller remains charged in two unrelated drug cases in DuPage. In the more serious one, he is accused of trafficking marijuana in Cook and DuPage counties.

So, let’s review boys and girls. The recent charges stemmed from an incident at the court house wherein the Donkster reported for a hearing on his other drug charges. He had dozens of Vicodins and 29 grams or marijuana according to those DRUG charges. Those charges are still pending!!

So this might have a happy Field of Dreams ending after all, right Judge Ray’s Dad?

Donkey Douche: Is this Heaven?

CellmateBubba™: No, it’s the DuPage Adult Detention Facility. Son.

Now open your mouth and receive this piece of heaven. Son.

AND SCENE.

Read more: http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110203/news/702039696/#ixzz1EyyoIz43

8:10 am February, 25 Andre Bagassi said...

Partial transcript from Voir Dire:

Defendant’s Attorney: Members of the jury, would the fact that my client is enshrined in the Hot Chicks With Douchebags Hall of Scrote affect your ability to be fair and impartial?

8:42 am February, 25 Fershlugginer said...

The best part of the newspaper story:

“Mueller said he became angry when the deputy asked him whether he could read signs with instructions on security procedures.

‘That’s like basically calling me a big dummy,’ he testified.”

9:13 am February, 25 Douches Wild said...

El Donko Grande endures, giving even Mohamar Gadaffi a run for his Dinar in the douchebag longevity department. All hail the Donkeroo!!

11:03 am February, 25 Medusa Oblongata said...

Amen @ Fatness and Whoop-Di. DuPage Co. policing is like Barney Fife in a Sherman tank. All brawn, no brain and DUMEG (is that still around?) is about the laughing stock of drug-prevention police work in the US. I grew up out that-a-ways and have to laugh about Donk’s rich mommy and daddy (downtown DG, Westmont or Hinsdale, who wants to place a bet?) getting a good lawyer and getting him free. That whole area spawned a legion of stupid, spoiled brats (don’t look at me, I was on the border of Bolingbrook) who wipe their asses with money and treat people like shit. Dense Richards is DG’s most famous former resident, I rest my case.
.
I’m sure there was a lot of weeping at Omega that night over waffles, as their “big terrorist arrest” resulted in nothing.

11:21 am February, 25 DarkSock said...

I sarcastically said “It’s a urinal, not a horse”.

2:54 pm February, 25 army (ret) douche said...

He even makes kissy lips inhis mug shot! Outstanding dedication to the socially uacceptable

12:33 am February, 27 soy bomb said...

“I sarcastically said, ‘It’s a lifestyle, not a life.’”

Leave a Reply