Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Breaking: Donkey Douche Back in Jail

While earlier this year we watched as the Donk Went Free, reader Magnum Douche P.I. sends in this breaking update from the courthouse on the latest in the ongoing epic decline of Hall of Scrote legend, The Donk:

—–
DB1: Love the site, keep up the great work.

I was doing some work at the DuPage County, IL courthouse and ran into the Donk.

He just keeps living up to his Lifetime Achievement Award winning ways. The bond on his pending criminal case for drug dealing was revoked after a seach warrant executed on his house on March 14th found 2,500 grams of cannabis. Bond revoked, back in jail, no bond, sitting until his pending trial. Here’s a link.

The guy just cracks me up. Just figured I’d let you know. Mock on.

Magnum Douche P.I.
—–

Note that on his courthouse page, The Donkster’s eye color is listed as “BRO.” Coincidence? I think not.

Free The Donk!!

For there are bottles of Grey Goose out there that nobody is running with.

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# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
2:27 pm May, 4 Wheezer said...

“No items with glitter, glue…..” —– WTF?
.
How will poor Donk style his hair—–oh, I see that he shaved his head.

2:29 pm May, 4 Wheezer said...

“Any visitors with the following items will be denied visitation:
.
Packages or bags.”
.
.
.
So how did The Donk get in there in the first place? The “no packages” I can understand…..
.
But at least we can send him a nice letter. Maybe a print of his latest appearance here would be nice:
.
Mail and letters to an inmate should be addressed as follows:

MARC MUELLER, INMATE# 200408
PO BOX 957
WHEATON, IL 60187-0957

2:35 pm May, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I smell letter writing campaign…

2:36 pm May, 4 massengill said...

So that’s like 5.5 lbs of weed right?
.
It’s a good thing the Donkster works out…

2:42 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

Nice work Detective P.I. As a fellow detective (probably the world’s laziest) I commend your efforts. Oh Donkey Douche, if only you had sent that garbage bag of weed RevChads way you wouldn’t be in this mess. I look into your BRO eyes and I see a glimmer of regret. Don’t worry, I’m sure Cam the left handed jew lawyer will get you out of this jam. Until then don’t drop the soap, for your butthole is now in peril.

2:46 pm May, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Let us all look deep into the bro eyes of a defeated scrotewank. Couldn’t happen to an orangier turd.
.
.
Dibs on his slut.

2:51 pm May, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Oh, how the meaty have fallen.

2:52 pm May, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

The Rise and Fail of the Bro’man Empire.

2:58 pm May, 4 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Broseph Stalin, leader of the Broletariat

3:02 pm May, 4 I R A Darth Aggie said...

His rap sheet includes references to Category I and II weapons. Upon further examination, Category I are concealable firearms, Category II are long guns or knives.
.
Is it right to arm douches?

3:16 pm May, 4 Pliny said...

Four words of wisdom for the Donk: SOAP ON A ROPE

3:27 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Bro Runner

3:28 pm May, 4 V said...

Bro Cassidy and the Sundouche Kid

3:28 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Bro Cassidy and the Sundouche Kid

3:29 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Bro-Hur

3:31 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

The Princess Bro

3:34 pm May, 4 Hermit said...

Don’t it make my bro eyes douche?

3:51 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

And Donkster when everyone is yelling “Fresh Fish”, they’re talking about you, not the Tuesday Night Cafeteria Special. I wonder how many cigarretes you’ll go for once they get a good look at cha. I’m excited for you Donkey Douche, you’re gonna make some great friends…with benefits.

3:57 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

Those lips alone D.D. are sure to fire up inmate loins like nobody’s business. I say you’re worth 2 cartons of Menthols and a Maxim Mag. Anybody want to take the over under on that?

4:02 pm May, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Bro-hemian Rhapsody

4:04 pm May, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me?
.
.
.
.
What? That’s what his cellmate will be singin’.

4:05 pm May, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Isn’t It Bro-mantic?

4:07 pm May, 4 Hermit said...

“You’re my, bro-eyed girl,
la la la la la la la la la la la ti da…..

4:10 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

No worries, Donkeroony, What happens in jail, stays in jail. Use this time to experiment!

4:17 pm May, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This news make me want to sing… (with an assist from Frank)
.
Cellmates in the night exchanging fluids
Wond’ring where’s the guard
What were the chances Donk is on his knees
Before the night was through.

Something in your mouth was so inviting,
That thing done with your tongue was so exciting,
Something in my pants,
Told me I must have you.

Cellmates in the night, two horny people
We were cellmates in the night
Up to the moment
When you bent over.
Little did we know
Love was just a thrust away,
A warm embracing dance away and -

Ever since that night we’ve been together.
Lovers at first sight, in love forever.
It turned out so right,
For cellmates in the night.

Love was just a glance away,
A warm embracing dance away -

Ever since that night we’ve been together.
Lovers at first sight, in love forever.
It turned out so right,
For strangers in the night.

Do dody doby do
do doo de la
da da da da ya

4:19 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

Is is sad that this news made me happier than Osama being killed. I mean not that that wasn’t a big deal. Just that I have a lot more material to mock the Donkster. Gay prison jokes practically write themselves. So thanks again Magnum for the find. The only thing that could top this would be a “Stackhouse in Jail Breaking Newstory”.

4:35 pm May, 4 mr.reeve said...

Bromancing the Stone

4:39 pm May, 4 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Quick, VIN, we need a renewed link to your Donkster tune…

4:42 pm May, 4 mr.reeve said...

Or maybe Bromancing the Bone since he’s in jail……..

4:43 pm May, 4 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I’m not one for linking photos here, but a quick glance at the Donk’s eyeballs reminds me of a certain British princess (and her grandfather) with close-set eyes, circled in heavy liner, and who wore a set of pink moose-antlers atop her head to a certain well-publicized wedding in London.

4:45 pm May, 4 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

…and I’m looking forward to someone here photoshopping that hat onto the Donkster’s head…
(I always did enjoy art direction).

4:54 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Whoop-Di-Douche, you reference the royal wedding waaay more than a lot of chicks I know. Just implyin’.

4:56 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bro Vadis.

4:56 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Curious Case Of Brojamin Button.

4:57 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bromoslavia.

4:57 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bromo Felcher.

5:01 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bro Eyes Crying In The Rain

5:02 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Broback Mountain.

5:06 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mama Kroeger’s BRO was always in trouble. On his deathbed he gave me some shining advice. “Reverend Chad son don’t get caught with over a kilo of dope.” On days like this I remember the sweet man gurgling his last gasp of blood as the morphine carried him out of his flesh prison.

5:20 pm May, 4 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Alright! We can send him stuff from amazon!

I’ll chip in my pocket change towards this:

http://www.amazon.com/Who-Moved-My-Soap-Surviving/dp/0743251423

5:51 pm May, 4 Wedgie said...

I wonder if he wears that leopard print tight-fitting shirt from his Thallbag photo in the slam.
Bet his dance card is full every night. That reminds me of a little ditty an old buddy of mine used to sing when he was tending bar in Mission Beach. It’s sung to the tune of some 50′s tune done by none other than San Diego’s very own Angels:
My boyfrind’s black
And I think he ripped my sphincter
Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend’s black,

6:10 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Very nice Wedgman. I was inspired by Mr.Scrotato Head’s epic to spew out another of my stoned ramblings, but Little Nicky is on.

6:38 pm May, 4 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

When your neck is thicker than your head, you are:

A. An NFL Lineman;
B. A Roided up Bullethead;
C. A Criminal

7:19 pm May, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

We could have all kinds of fun with this…I’ve inserted some appropriate changes.

Visitation Restrictions are as follows:
Inmates are limited to one 30-minute visit per week with no Ed Hardy wear allowed..
Inmates with Trusty status may receive either one 60-minute visit per week, or two 30-minute visits per week, as long as bleeth offers a hander to Trusty.
Inmates with Kitchen Trusty or Laundry Trusty status may receive 90 minutes of visiting per week, except for douchebags. This time shall be split into three 30-minute visits, with a limit of two 30-minute visits on the same visiting day. No frolicing allowed.

7:51 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

@ Whoopti
.
You got it, Son.
.
<a href="http://www.myspace.com/vindouchal/music:&lt; Donkey Opus In Douche Major

7:52 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Nice work^ HERE

7:57 pm May, 4 army (ret) douche said...

it’s almost as if he is making kissy lips in his mugshot. the douche runs deep in donk.

7:57 pm May, 4 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Broseidon, Lord of the Brocean

8:00 pm May, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Dr. BH^
.
I’ll say it. Nicely penned tune my friend. The Chairman would be very, very pleased.

8:14 pm May, 4 DarkSock said...

Who has 5 pounds of weed just laying around?
.
.
.
Besides Reverend Chad, I mean…

8:46 pm May, 4 Squatch said...

Free The Donk!

9:06 pm May, 4 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

I remember when he told us “I did some time, and now i learned a lesson and my head is clear and i am in best shape of my life!!”.
-
He then told us to “Suck my Fkn dick !!!!!”

I won’t add anything. Some jokes just write themselves.

9:35 pm May, 4 Stephanie said...

Good luck in jail with a photo like that,some guy will think you have “pretty lips”. Squeal donk,squeal.

9:46 pm May, 4 Stephanie said...

I smell poo.

9:57 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Is that like your “thing” Stephanie? Interesting.

9:57 pm May, 4 douches wild said...

The Donkster is clearly a misunderstood waif adrift in a flood tide of unwholesome desires that he barely comprehends. His present unenviable situation is the result of flaccid impulse control, a busted moral compass and his simian proclivity to fling poo when he feels inferior. He needs cuddling, not additional ridicule.

10:17 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dark Sock
.
If you have been taking Ambien again, check this out for buzzed. Stoned Son. May we all find a buzz and go to play snooker in the morrow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKTbbf4z1PQ

10:45 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Wow Man! After seeing above band super-stoned I realized that these psychedelic funksters may be actual hippiebags. They might make money. They may not be ironic. They may not be obese. But I am growing a groovy new handlebar mustache and opening a massage parlor.

6:58 am May, 5 Collaz B. Popped said...

Salad Tossing in his Flintstone shirt is all I can picture….

7:08 am May, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. Scrotato Head
.
Thanks. I had to do something that was fulfilling with my life while I was grading final exams. I swear I must be dead. I talk and talk but no one listens. I guess it’s kind of like having kids, no?

8:25 am May, 5 Nancy Dreuche said...

@douches wild, worry not my friend he will get plenty of cuddling in Cell Block C. The C is for Cuddles!

10:25 am May, 5 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I think it would be awesome if Medusa paid the Donk a visit while in prison. Sat across the glass from him, looked his sorry ass up and down, and then just started laughing hysterically, tears rolling down the cheeks piss her panties laughing.
.
Yeah, that would be awesome.
.
That and maybe if she mailed him pics of herself sodomizing his girlfriend. That would be awesome too.

12:33 pm May, 5 Anonymous said...

I think that the Donkster needs to start growing his Van Dyke. Sounds like he’ll be spending some time behind bars, not to mention getting a few bars in his behind. As a courtesy, he should grow some nice thick Prison Pussy for his soon to be made friends.

12:54 pm May, 5 Douche Springsteen said...

dude I look HARD in my mugshot.

7:54 pm May, 5 idfma said...

Reverend Chad, that was fucking awsome. The visuals anyway. The music was kind of like poor man’s Radiohead.

7:55 pm May, 5 idfma said...

Wow, you guys are being pretty hard on the the Donkster. If he really is faced with taking it in the ass, you could at least provide a little consolation or advice:
ahem,
.
Donk, don’t sell drugs anymore, and you should definitely make sure you find a daddy who will protect you for something simple…like blowjobs every morning. That way, maybe you can protect your ass….

2:52 am May, 6 manual social bookmarking said...

I mean not that that wasn’t a big deal. Just that I have a lot more material to mock the Donkster.

5:22 am May, 6 James van Doucheland said...

Better not lean forward while takin’ a shower, we all know who will come right behind for ya. The big motherf#+#+#+ crack n#+#+ who organized the dope and still haven’t got his cash in the stash.

2:35 pm May, 12 Parenting said...

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