Friday, August 5, 2022
Dane Cook Singlehandedly Revives Hot Chicks with Douchebags
Seeing this crusty toe fungus of a 50 year old choadbucket announce his engagement to his “long-time” 23 year old girlfriend is just about enough to motivate your hapless narrator to stumble out of a Night Train and HoHos induced nine year coma and post again on HCwDB.
For those that read this site back in the halycon days, Cookwank was a long time source of douchemock.
- An early HCwDB Appearance
- Readers debating Cookbaggery in 2008
- Cookbag mocking ‘the haters’ in 2008
- Even more of this fratmongering rhesus chimp as his career faded in 2010
No surprise to find this bloated simulation of an actual comedian returning to the (un)hallowed halls of mock on this site.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the Studio City Erewhon to oggle Real Housewives and buy a seven dollar cold brew.
René Descartes’ “Treatise on Man” posits the human body as a machine wherein the soul resides, but is distinct from, and an articulation between the two is governed via interactionist dualism where causation is an innate idea contained within the mind. Hume’s view that individuals undergo a coherent progression of perceptions, where the human mind is a tabula rasa upon which the experiences derived from sensory impressions as a person’s life proceeds are written, undercuts the core of “cogito ergo sum.”
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In either case, the foundation on which they would ascribe the urge of the irrelevant and sagging douchenozzle Dane Cook to mate with youthful and fertile nuzzle-hott Kelsi, would end up being highly reductionistic. Hobbes would likely go even further, as he defined eros as lust “limited ad hanc,”
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Rudolf Steiner, on the other hand, would take a more spiritual approach, choosing to see the higher nature of the human being: that which the ‘I’ creates out of the lower bodies. It could be argued that Cook, despite his obvious desire to cling to his youth and remain relevant in a world that has soundly rejected his brand of infantile humor, is by nature of his years of experience more aware of the spiritual within himself. By virtue of such, the more the body becomes an instrument of the mind, and the more has he learned to understand people by looking into the depths of the soul. This may allow him to enable and beautify the sexual and live in that element which is beyond it.
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There’s nothing wrong with having urges, desires, and passions. A plant has no inner feeling of pleasure or pain, for one cannot speak of feeling when a being reacts only to what is external. One can only speak of feelings when the outer stimulus is reflected inwardly, when it is an inner experience. This domain of present-day physiology, which speaks of a body of feelings in the plant, only shows a tremendous dilettantism in the comprehension of such concepts. Where animal life begins, where pleasure, pain, urges, desires and passions begin, one speaks of the third body of the human being, the astral body.
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If the astral body is the bearer of desires and passions, we must say: the astral body of the savage is completely surrounded by the forces of Nature, but the average man has worked something into his astral body. He says to himself of certain passions and desires, ‘you cannot pursue these’ — for he has transformed his astral body. And it has been transformed even more by such a personality as Schiller, and still more by a personality who stands in no relation at all to passions — such as Francis of Assisi — and who has completely purified and is master of this astral body, over all urges and desires. Thus one can say of a human being who has worked on himself, that his astral body consists of two parts. One part is what is given by Nature, by divine powers; and the other is the part which he himself has developed within it. This second part, the part transformed by the ‘I’, we call Spirit-Self or Manas. It may b possible that by embracing the desire to couple with the junior nuzzle-hott, realizing it, thereby bridging the gap between Eros and Ego (something Freud viewed as irreconcilable) Cook may actually bemaster of his astral body.
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Or he’s just a perverted old douchewank that grooms teenagers.
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Regardless, I would allow a Bengaluru sewer system worker with essential tremor disorder to gently carve the skin off my face with a rusty piece of angle, coat it with cayenne power, and reattach it with an iron on the cotton setting just for the opportunity to sniff Kelsi’s toenail clippings on the floor of her pedicurist’s until I’m escorted away by the police and told never to return but will occasionally show up late at night and wistfully look through the window and recall the pungent sweet fragrance of her toenail remnants.
Welcome back Boss! Fuck Dane Cook right in his prolapsed anus.
Groomers gonna groom.
We need this site more than ever! These guys are gonna date your daughter(s) if we’re not vigilant DB1!
I loved this blog back in the day and something reminded me of it recently, and I had to come browse through the Halls for some laughs and good memories!
Creeper⚠️ Alert ⚠️ What’s worse than ants in the pants? Uncles ! Or in this case —“Uncle Dane”. Don’t want to say PDF file, but I calls em like i see em
RIP Joe Strummer. Sorry, Crucial.
Saw a news story the other day that D’bag Cook had wed the lovely Kelsi on Oahu. That coupled with the Mondayest of Mondays sent me to the site for the first time in years to see new entries. It reminded me of a better time. A time before COVID, Trump, or the void that I must fill due to only sporadic HCwDB posts.