Thursday, June 10, 2010

Dane Cook Goes From "Celebrity Douchebag" to Just "Douchebag"

I gotta admit it, back in 2008, I was all about mocking The Cookbag. We received reader mail on Mr. Cook-a-‘Bag, and by the time Cook finally responded to his “haters,” his short-lived movie career was just about over.

Now I just feel bad for the guy.

All those millions of friends on MySpace, and then pop culture goes all Twitter and Facebook. It’s like investing in Betamax.

Hey Dane, I hear Zach Galifianakis is hiring. He’s looking for a part-time chauffeur who isn’t funny.

What, too mean? Okay, Cook. You’re semi-forgiven because your career’s been so bumpy. Now go get that gig on “Celebrity Apprentice” that you’d be perfect for.

# posted by douchebag1
11:12 am June, 10 Mr. Biggs said...

Can’t help but think I should know the hott he’s with. Oh, wait, I don’t care.

11:15 am June, 10 Dicy said...

I never understood why people think he is funny. I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks he’s just sad!

11:16 am June, 10 Dicy said...

I’m gunna grammar Nazi myself and say my ‘that’ should be a ‘who’ Go me!

11:19 am June, 10 tall guy said...

Out here Dane Cook never quite reached the dizzy heights from which he could have, reasonably, tanked.

I like the hot. Small firm tits.

11:35 am June, 10 Bagnonymous said...

Who is this “Dane Cook” chum that you speak of? Is he one of the contestants on the latest episode of Food Network All-Star? …No? Will he be telecasting this season’s Eukanuba dog show? …No? Well then, I’m afraid I have never heard of this fellow, nor will probably ever come across him.

11:40 am June, 10 Vin Douchal said...

You want to know who is funny? Adam Corolla. “Ace” was on Howard Stern this week and killed. I mean slaughtered.

But when Db1 says this , “We were told we liked him. We were told other people liked him. Which meant we must like him, too. Because they liked him. And they are we.”

It can apply to anyone in pop culture from Madonna to Lady Gaga , Geraldo Rivera to Perez Hilton and Bruce Springsteen to R.E.M.

When the Boss was good (’76-’81) he was awesome. When that “Nebraska” crud came out he was done, he’s been shit ever since . However, L.A. Times critic Robert Hilburn cummed all over himself fawning over that one-note dreck. It’s the only time I ever wrote a “Letter To the Editor” and I asked if Robert Hilburn would just take Springsteen’s cocck out his ass once and for all….

It didn’t get published , but I checked every day

11:58 am June, 10 Steve L. said...

if the Trumps get indignant about being associated with Dane Cook, then we’ve just killed 2 birds with 1 stone (we’ll count the whole Trump family of douchebags and douchebaguettes as one bird in this instance).

but the Trumps probably will invite Dane Cook to Celebrity Apprentice. and that is what’s sad about this world.

12:09 pm June, 10 mr.reeve said...

When I went to Boston for St. Patty’s Day 03 all I heard the college kids talking about was this guy. So when I returned to L.A. and gave him a listen I determined either I was getting too old to understand their new college humor or he wasn’t funny. Both were true.

12:15 pm June, 10 Mr. White said...

@vin

C’mon, bro. I like “Nebraska.”

Regarding Dane: I admit it, I saw some stand up special of his and occasionally laughed, which really is about the best you can hope for with any comedian not named “Bill Hicks.” On the other hand, everybody associated with the nut-filled turd that was “Employee of the Month” should have their genitalia removed with rusty pliers. And that includes Jessica Simpson. I don’t care how nice her boobs are, looking into the vacant holes that serve as her eyes destroys my soul.

12:34 pm June, 10 Stephanie said...

He’s not funny–he just over examines everything and says it in crazy caffeine speak. Not funny! I listen to Raw Dog Comedy and he just doesn’t have the magic of people like Eddie Murphy,Bills Hicks,Richard Pryor, George Carlin,Mitch Hedberg…

12:50 pm June, 10 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Three words: Ron Funches… Uhm…

1:03 pm June, 10 darksock said...

I hate magicians…

1:06 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I saw this prick on the Comedy Channel once, one night when I was suffering from insomnia. The fucker annoyed me so much I never got back to sleep. I hope he didn’t save a penny since he won’t be making anymore. Fuck off Dane Cook. That is all I have to say about that except fuck off Dane Cook you dancing aroung the stage, fake edgy piece of shit.

1:18 pm June, 10 Claude Douchenburg said...

Is that hat hair? I bet that is some other dude she has her eyes fixed upon.

1:44 pm June, 10 chadfestnj said...

I can almost feel bad for the guy. He made millions from stupid doucheries going to his shows, but the Cookdouche himself lost a ton of money by believing in his manager or financial advisor or whathaveyou. May be an unfunny scrote, but he worked his ass off for the money and lost it based on good faith. Bummer. Now, to dream of licking his hott’s abs…

1:57 pm June, 10 Victor von Douche said...

This guy is an Archdouche, and he even does it without the white sunglasses, exposed perpetually flexed abs, or the affliction/ed hardy gear, and cocked hat. I wish he’d croak.

1:59 pm June, 10 mr.reeve said...

@Jacques Doucheteau That was pretty funny. Good find.

3:03 pm June, 10 Mock Turtle said...

Well, speaking of “polluting the hotts”, is this not the coordination-challenged ‘actor’ that managed to turn an on-screen kiss with Jessica Alba into a visit to the dentist to repair her chipped tooth? And it’s not like they can “repair” chipped teeth with some crazy glue, this guy is responsible for one of Alba’s teeth getting ground down to a stub and replaced with porcelain! Hanging’s too good for ‘im, he must be be mocked without further mercy.

3:31 pm June, 10 Euripidouche said...

@vin i mostly agree with your assesment of springsteen for the last almost 30 years, sub out the river, put it in the shit pile too, leave nebraska in the good pile, but you have to go back to the beginning….bleethings from assfury pork is a great album….

to paraphrase;

dane cook isn’t man enough for me to hate or woman enough for bleething.

3:32 pm June, 10 I douche, therefore I am said...

The first thing I would like to do is to extend my deepest gratitude to y’all for introducing me to Bill Hicks. I just spent the last 15 minutes with tears of laughter rolling down my face while watching him on YouTube.

On a more negative note, though, prior to watching Bill Hicks, I spent 10 minutes watching Dane Cook on YouTube, with not even a minor chuckle escaping my frozen features. He sure is one unfunny bastard… Unfortunately, we here in Germany seem to have ended up with Dane Cook’s bastard step brother, born from a meth-addicted bleeth, whose dream-sperm-donor was an amalgam of Pumpito, Fish Slap and Johnny Blaze. His name is Mario Barth, and I assume that no one here would be able to understand him anyway, since he rambles in German, but let me assure you, that should be a cause for you to rejoice.

I wish I would have encountered that language barrier when I ill-advisedly decided to check out ‘The Cookbag’…

3:43 pm June, 10 Anom said...

He is still pulling quality tail.

4:05 pm June, 10 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Dane Cook is a…

.

S C A T M U N C H E R!!!!

3:11 am June, 11 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I lived with a guy who was a Dane Cook fan. I walked in one time as he was watching an hour and a half long Dane Cook HBO Comedy Special. I asked him not to delete it from the DVR before I had a chance to watch it. That was the worst decision I ever made in my life. I literally sat there watching him do stand up with my mouth hanging open with the thought, “THIS guy is famous for being a comedian?” Dane Cook is not funny, he never will be and anyone who thinks he is deserves and autodouche.

.

@Vin… Nebraska is a great album. The darkness there is amazing. The things Springsteen was going through at that point in his life are what gave birth to it. It may not be to your liking, but you can’t argue with how great that album is.

8:30 am June, 11 Deltus said...

Who is that tasty hott he’s with, though? Mind, with his concentration of douche, she’s a goner for sure.

8:57 am June, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

I would still lick her toes. Yummm, you little Marissa Tomei hott. Come, let Medusa gently cleanse you of GV in a warm, milky bath of the finest perfumed oils. I shall pitch the woo like never before and make you forget that assclown. Once you go snake, the rest are all fake.

.

Wow, that sucked.

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