Boobies
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Wednesday, January 2, 2013
HCwDB in 2013
Boobs n’ Douche.
That’s what this site is made of.
That’s what it’ll always be made of.
But there are some changes in store for this humble site in 2013. I’m all outta multiple daily douche mocking, so that’s gonna slow down. And besides, the regulars in the comments threads are far funnier than anything my Night Train and HoHo infested mind can come up with these days.
So for HCwDB-2013, some of the regs’ll be contributing to the daily mock. Writing weekly columns of their own on all things douche-mock and anything else they feel like writing on. Still figuring out the schedule, but I’m hoping to promote five or six regulars to their own ranting columns in the next week or so.
That way each day’ll stay fresh with something fun going on on the site.
I’ll still chime in with daily-or-so douche mock when appropriate quality pics come my way. Hopefully do some links on Fridays. The ‘Sock’ll still do his Friday Haiku and maybe another column.
It’s time to open up the site a bit to talk about larger cultural issues and concerns that need addressing.
And by addressing, I mean pooping on.
And Pear.
Always Pear.
Especially Uberhott Texting Pear.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012Best Golden Globes: Globes For All!!
Anonymous Hottie from Tool who Points! (And Tool Who Grabs)
Freddie Gets Ready! Rock Steady.
Yo Quero Taco Boob!
Asswipe With a Coors Light’s Kelly!
BroKevin’s Groobs!
Alyssa’s Cleavite!
It was a very good year. Something for everyone.
Monday, December 17, 2012Best Golden Globes: Sheertina
Yet another 2012 Douchie Award for Best Golden Globes must go to joyous party purity suckle boobie hottness, Sheertina.
For she is the perfection that smells like pinecones and innocence.
And she is award winning:
Greatest Hottie Development: The Side-Boob Cleavite Reveal Dress
From Marty McFluffer’s Boob to the Future journey to the uberhottness of Sheertina and yet more uberhott Sheertina, perhaps no hottie development was greater than whomever the hell invented this dress.
Here’s to you Side-Boob Cleavite Reveal Dress Maker.
For you are a scholar and an erudite fellow of greatness and proper salute.
Monday, November 12, 2012Marty McFluffer Goes Boob to the Future
GREAT SCOTT!!
Is that a pleather life preserver?
Mayor Goldie Wilson’s not impressed.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012It's Election Day!! Benzino Reminds you to Boobs
All of us, be they rich or boobs, white or boobs, must do our boobriotic duty today and vote. Boobs.
A boobic service from all of your friends here at HCwDB.
Friday, November 2, 2012Paulina Gretzky Is Crazymaus!
Everyone’s favorite Woo Hottie Athlete Spawn, Paulina Gretzky, had a wacky boobie and douchebag filled halloween!
So douchebag filled that even Football Chet’s hockeypuckery shines through the standard Halloween Exemption rule we instituted here a few years back.
At least I think that’s her, judging by my extensive visual cleavite analysis.
Sunday, October 28, 2012THE END TIMES
My friends, it has been nothing short of an experience moderating this blog for you over the past week. We’ve had some good times, haven’t we? Oh, indeed we have. Remember that thing with the thing in it? I know, right? Good times, good times.
As for myself, I’m surprised that I’m able to construct whole sentences after the last two nights at FrightTown. Most people assume that Halloween proper is my busiest and most challenging night, a righteous crescendo to the month long run of a haunted attraction, but no. It’s always the Friday and Saturday before Halloween. Which means that for the last 48 hours I’ve been up to my coal-black nipples in PBR-soaked douchebags and prepubescent hoodrats, each one believing themselves entitled to punching or destroying whatever’s in arm’s reach, just because they bought a ticket. If it wasn’t for the parade of slutty costumes, I’d throw a fence around the whole mob, douse them all in teriyaki and go nuts with a snowblower full of bullet ants.
But the slutty costumes were indeed plentiful. And I digress.
I’d love to stay and chat but I have loins to gird and thousands more pants to fill with terror before I may rest. You all have yourselves a Happy Halloween. And if there are any Hollywood producer types out there reading this, and if you’re looking for a horror movie host to squeeze six seasons of fart jokes out of, you now know where to find me.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012EVERYONE DIES EXCEPT THE VIRGIN
Drawing inspiration from innovations in Ancient Greek warfare, club-going hordes of suckle-worthy giggle hotts have adopted a formation known as “the Bestie Phalanx.” By encircling, cleave in, pear out, a group of four to eight hotts create a revolving formation that constantly has its back to the rest of the crowd, repelling all attempts at fraternization while remaining permeable to complementary drinks.
In this particular instance, the Alpha Bestie is overly proud of her shiny cleavite and has asked the fourth bestie to leave the formation and snap a photo for the faceybook. Her hubris will prove her undoing. Phalanx broken, a doughy, hunchback knobgoblin, its hat too low and its hopes too high, has seized the opportunity to swing its ponderous into their personal space in an attempt to invoke Lo-Han, Dark Avatar of Bathroom Stall Handjobs. If the fourth bestie does not close ranks before the goblin starts reciting Nickelback lyrics, all may well be lost.
When executed properly, the Bestie Phalanx displays an impressive aerial geometry, reminiscent of Gustav Doré’s depictions of the Gates of Heaven in Dante’s Divine Comedy. The main difference being that departed souls rarely make motorboat sounds on their way to the Great Beyond.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012IT'S ALIVE!!!!…PROBABLY
Then look at this spindly bleeth’s bolt-ons.
Repeat until one of them starts looking lifelike by comparison.
This could take a while.
