The Scourge of Affliction
Sure they’ve gone from selling for $149 in boutique stores with obnoxious names like “Pure” and “Zigg” to “Two for $14.99” at Ross-Dress-for-Less, but Affliction still plagues our culture like a rain of tree frog pestilence.
On Fratboy Ralph and his Drunk Sidebro Syd, the pestilence remains smelly poo.
Mmmm… Kelly’s vibrant and healthy projectorial mamm pillows beckon for sleep and applause.
Chipmonky Cutie Gayle Wanders into a Meatpack
Never wander into a Meatpack without protection, Gayle. Did you learn nothing from that backpacking trip through Dusseldorf?
Mr. Bartleby Scores Most Expensive First Date Hott Adela, Dyes His Hair Blue
Europe.
Lets not go there. It is a silly place.
Benzino and the Woo Hotts get ready for the 2012 Douchie Awards
Yup. That’s Pink Popped Collar.
The way it had to be.
If I can figure a calendar out, I believe the 2012 Douchies’ll start in about two weeks. A stripped down, quiet affair. Less awards, but more potency. Something like that.
Benzino’s already phoning it in.
And then phoning it in with a vase/shoe thingy.
And then phoning it in with a grilled cheese.
That’s how the playahs roll, kids.
If y’all want to contribute an award, drop me a line. Don’t cost nuthin’.
Donkey Douche Jail Updates
For those following the fascinating legal troubles of legendary douchebag and Hall of Scrote member Donkey Douche, Magnum Douche, P.I. writes in with an undercover investigation update on everyone’s favorite monosyllabic grunt:
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Hey DB1,
Sorry, can’t submit a pic with a hott but I got one of a world-renowned douche courtesy of The Missouri Dept of Corrections.
Looks like dumbass got busted in Missouri before his Chicago area drug bust and according to some court records I found online, his current probation with them is in jeapordy of being yanked.
The guy is like an annuity for this site, he’s always paying off.
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The Donk will always live on in our hearts and minds.
Pulitzer committee, I hope you’re taking note. I expect HCwDB to receive acknowledgement for our important and vital news reporting covering the important stories of our time.
Who Cares About The Creepy Guy?
Lets talk about Alyssa and Melody.
In a soapy bath fondle.
While tiny plastic army men parachute from the sky. With lufas and washrags, ready to assist. And a disco aerial cavalcade of humping lions celebrates with collective roar at the taut skin soapy fondle crescendo that ensues with melted candy corn and Pepe handing out towels by the washroom after post-coital repose requires a Pepsi.
For those are the taut fondle booble fondle that drives better men than I to start wars and sublimate rage at peers, neighbors and small woodland creatures. I drink their bath water and weep for my own lost innocence of prepubescence.
Benzino and Rich Girl Rachel are Not Impressed by the HCwDB of the Week
Time to pump it out.
HCwDB of the Week: Minigroo and Sophia
Minigroo isn’t an uberbag, although let us not go gentle into that douchey t-shirt. Minigroo makes no douche-face and makes no douche-hand-gesture.
But bling + steve tatts and A/Xholery are not excusible. ‘Bag.
On the hott Sophia offers footnoted references to early 11th Century Kabballah notes on butt fondle by none other than Maimonides himself. For that, I daven her tzochkies with deep and pensive reposic celebration, and then rub my Crisco-lubed forehead on her ankles with a vigorous shaking motion.
Last week saw Hairwolf and Kelly, Semitic Celebrity Glute, and GAH!
But none more HC and DB than this pairing.
We’re almost at the last Monthly before a subdued and quiet 2012 Douchie Awards. You ready? You mirin? Come at him, bro.
BREAKING: Jerz Guid Mating Call in Vegas Fails to Attract Woo Hottie
Bonus points for tagging a nearby dancing Jewschbag.
WARNING: Lack of hott counterbalance and greasy disturbances of the force prevail.
