Ben Scribblememore and the Meth Sisters
I can only assume that Ben found some of that Heisenberg Blue to match Kelly’s bottoms.
"The Critique of Pure Reason"
As Immanuel Kant once wrote in his seminal treatise, “The Critique of Pure Reason”:
Whether or not the douchebag can be understood, a priori, as a product of cause and effect, this causal result relies entirely on the limitations of sensorial understandings of douchepoo. It is therefore my observation that only insofar as douchepoo is mocked sufficiently, then boobies are a form of higher truth.”
Yup. Need a coffee.
Ask DB1: Whither the URC As a Totalizing Icon
————-
DB1,
I have several questions about Red Cup (and Blue Cup, Yellow Cup, et. al).
I’ve noticed that Red Cup’s SOP is to watch pensively. Does Red Cup do anything else? Does Red Cup stare in hopeless infatuation with Hott? Does it look disappointingly at bleethed-out skank? Does it look on in contempt at tatted-up GSR douche? Or does he only watch pensively?
And, if Red Cup is so ever-present among douchebags/hotts/bleeths, is Red Cup not douche in and of itself? As Seinfeld once said, adjacent to refuse is refuse.
Yours yet again, yada yada yada, you know how I sign off these missives,
Dan
————-
The URC (Ubquitous Red Cup) is a totalizing signifier. By this, I mean that it orients the douchal pattern, operating much as a test grid or color bars do in assisting calibration.
The URC reminds us of the purity of primary color and the simplicity of the agency of the primitive tool, at the same moment it operates in stark contrast to the post-structuralist explosion of commodity that marks douchebag in pursuit of hott.
The URC is never douchey in and of itself, since it reminds us of the purity of essence beyond the specificities of cultural marker. In other words, the URC reminds us of essence beyond culture. Color. The act of drinking. The achievements of the human race over the elements.
In so doing, URC only further heightens the repugnance of douche poo making booble fondle.
The Surferbag learns a valuable lesson in sunscreen
Douchetatts are 0 SPF.
Bonnie is a perky and bubbly Omaha 10. There is a reason not too many people live in Omaha. It involves potato chips.
Douchey Feldman Approves of the HCwDB of the Week
From the pinnacle of Hollywood success to see-through rayon douche poses with hot chicks in just under three decades.
So it goes from the days of wine and roses.
HCwDB of the Week: Hipster Skeet and Meg
Props to the excellent and holiest of crappy boat captains, the ‘Sock, for an amazing week of substitute mock.
Your humb narrs is on his way back to lala to renew his alcoholism and love/hate relationship with the Hollywood hoi polloi. And by love/hate, I mean loathing floating in a sea of bitter rage and emotional dysfunction.
But I digress.
To honor the ‘Sock’s week of Pear (and mock), I down an extra shot of Mad Dog with my morning HoHos. And I burp. For his work, Sock earns an honorary pants salute.
Getting back to the mock, we’ll go with Hipster Skeet and Meg for the Weekly. There were more toxic ‘bags, more horrifying everythings, and disturbingly large bazongagons, but in cohabit, The Skeet’s douche-hair and Meg’s innocence combine to form the right combo.
And by right, I mean woodchipping a woodchuck just to see how much chipped chuck a woodchuck could be chipped into. Hipster douche suckles piglet teat.
Sunday Movie: Get Me to That Particular Greek
Apparently “Pear” in Greece is spelled “Perra”.
Star-Shouldered Sneech Evinces Disturbing New 2012 'Bag Trend
Wedge-Vertabrae Vin sported a scapula star on the site Thursday. Now the Sneech sports stereo scapula stars.
One more be-spangled ‘bag and it’s a trend. Not good. But better than the dreaded Shaved Groin Reveal Plague of 2011.
Salvageable Sara beckons hope with corseted compressed cow cones. So there’s that.
Speaking of nobody at home…I will be out in the Gulf deep sea fishing most of today…wish me luck. Perhaps the regulars could have a “what’s the worst that could happen” contest in the comments thread.
Friday Thoughts and Links – Special Double (Bubble) Issue
Welcome to Friday Thoughts & Links; come on in!
DB1 shall return Monday fully recharged. And by “recharged” I mean “hungover and dehydrated”. In the meantime…Look what I found in Plinky’s Mom’s couch cushions! Some loose change, some loose women, some loose stool…
Actually, I guess it’s pretty crass of me to mock the mother of one of the former regulars in the comments section, especially after her tragic demise. She should not be remembered for eating entire canned hams; rather, she should be admired for her invention of the modern electric toothbrush. Not all of her inventions proved to be so popular, though.
But enough about Plinky’s Mom. Here’s yer links:
In this sea of bimbos and himbos it’s easy to forget the one reason why DB1 began this site. Well, that and this other reason.
Why my name, DarkSock, is not plural…
Finally, for those women whose go-to pose is extreme duckface, there’s finally a line of footwear designed just for you.
Insert your own gaping starfish joke here.
Space/time continuum and the two sexes… Although, to be fair, sometimes it’s okay for the ladies to take their time getting ready… In fact, take all the time you need, Dear. <–For the record, I really like that particular pear.
Why did the Chicken Legs cross the gym?
But you are not here to see some top-heavy ape gimble around on pool-cue legs. No, you are here for some Stone Cold Pear. Luscious, round ass pear. To whence…enjoy!
She’s a Brick House, Mighty Mighty Pear
Wow, That Girl Must Really Love Chicken Pear
Expensive (and Only) First Date Pear
Yellow-Is-The-New-Boner LaPlante
Double Bubble Girls for Hall o’ Hott?
Well, that should test the theory that “Nothing exceeds like excess”.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just Ride Off Into The Sunset Pear…
Friday Haiku
The Mullet Hawk cries
“Cree! Cree! Girlie Drinks? Mmmm-Mmm!
Both will get roofied.
