Tuesday, August 5, 2014
The Great Hott/Choad Collision of 2014
Then, on a day just like many others, as our blue orb spun on its merry way, a lone seagull pooped on a lotus tree in Kathmandu.
In the reverberation of that seagull poop, an alarm was sounded. The Spirit Guide scratched its taint.
For the karmic wrongness of the universe had taken diarrhetic squat on the face of humanity. Like the seagull poop before it, it rained shmeg on an unjust and unfair world.
Why?
The sweatsock soak of the unholy Benzino comingled with the sassy lickle fondle of effervescent party girl Champagne Katie.
And, just as the Gozarians predicted, the great fungspittle war of 2014 began….
He went full hipster
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
Get your G-d damn hands off CK you G-d damn dirty hipster ape.
He must have a bigger trust fund than I imagined.
C. K. looks like she needs to lay off the coke and get herself a sandwich.
Quick glance at HoH confirmed that due to immense pressure CK has never graced that hallowed space in our lustful wing. The queef always rises
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She’s whispering “What is that awful smell?” to Benzino. That, little tart, is the stench of burnt dignity with a fading narcissistic igniter
I have to say, his makeup is perfect. Well done Benzino.
Since it’s full bore summer and the clothes are skimpier (even my cute-ish MILF-y letter carrier has shorts, is showing some seriously toned legs above her New Balance 409’s and ties her USPS issued blue uni in a knot at the bottom showing a nice flat midsection) I have a question:
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If you have blonde hair and are tanned have you made a suicide pack with Vitamin D?
^ our mailman at work is an 50 year old alcoholic malcontent who looks like Jim Carrey on a crack bender and tells us daily stories about his bitch wife and how his deadbeat unemployed son will beat his ass if he tries to kick him out of the house. So Vin you are way ahead of the game before you even start asking those questions.
Magnum Douche P.I. making me laugh out loud on an otherwise gray grey day.
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Gotta bring a gift to a guy and he’s hinted he’s now into ‘good’ rum. Can I assume ‘good’ means dark? And if good = dark, can I bring my standard Sailor Jerry? Or is that not good or dark enough. Damn, typing good and dark over and over makes me want to see CK’s hamdangle.
@ FredN
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I’ve been in your shoes. Sailor Jerry is good rum for you and I, but is not ‘good’ rum. ‘Good’ rum is priced into the stratosphere.
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How’s this for a primer:
http://www.gentlemansgazette.com/rum-guide-sipping-aged/
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I say if the guy’s a buddy who’s never tried the Kraken, then introduce him. It’ll go easy on your wallet, and the dark spicy taste is easy on the palate.
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Avoid giving him Mount Gay rum. Unless that’s your message.
I’s got Champagne Katie tastes on a root beer budget.
Charles Douchewin, thanks for the tip. I’ve actually had Kraken, so should have thought of it. I like things that go easy on the palate.
Broback Thursday Haiku
Remember when the
cool kids masterbated and
I liked turtles?
Chris Hardwick is pretty cool, amirite?
https://www.facebook.com/affluentblackpeopleonbicycles
March 4th – Guardians of the Phallacy
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/03/guardians-of-the-phallic-scene/
I have a weakness for thin, Bottle Blondes with big fake cans. And by weakness for, I means I masturbate to.
2005 is a much better year this time around!
Hardwick’s show is pretty funny songtines. They got me at “21 Marriage Proposals that Ended in Suicide.”
@The Dude, take it from a pro relationship commitment avoider, it’s never too late to say I Don’t if the only other option is marriage then suicide. Have your therapist on speed dial though for the aftermath.
Sucks…
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/03/why-not-carrot-top/
Alright kids…are ya ready?!? It’s master-beta-carotine times back on March 6th 2005:
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/03/friday-haiku-351/
To the faithful regulars who still come and visit, I would like to take a second to say something to you all that I don’t say nearly enough and that you all deserve to hear:
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I peed in a horse once.
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Son.
^The upside of having OCD.
March 7th, 2005 – NickelBaggery and shame boners:
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/03/nickelbone-just-wants-you-to-know/
March 8th, 2005 – The Brothers Poo decide to shag a couple of pleather sectionals:
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/03/friday-haiku-352/
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Medical FACT.
Sex, Lies & Video-Rape on Roofie Nite at “The Office” – March 9th, 2005…
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/03/junior-sup-works-late-at-the-office/
I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.
March 10th – Day o’ The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turdles:
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/03/teenage-fondling-mutant-ninja-turdle/
Once again a douche
Has hot on left arm and stares
At the camera
My TBT haiku.
I peed in a horseface once.
It’s Fraiku Punday. Son.
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/03/friday-haiku-353/
So after getting my fill of all that B-list celebrity hotnezz and yah holy crap thank the lords for someone hacking onto J-law’s tatas, I need some Pear with a capital Pee. Who do I have to blow to get dat Pear on the ole 2005 pages?
@ FredN. – That would be me. One would need to blow Me:
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/03/hcwdb-news-update-i-s-i-s/
Sock–thanky jebus!
Living in your parents basement isn’t a trust fund. And shopping at thrift stores for plaids and stripes doesn’t make you shit,ya fuckers.
I didn’t know Theodor Herzl was back in the game