John Mayer: Douche Eternal
Your body is a toxic waste dump, Mayerbag.
You are the once and future personification of averageness. If celebrities had a “C,” you would score it.
An overrated mediocrity masquerading as crossover talent. A transparent record label invention posing as real human being. A pseudo-deep tool with inane lyrics, chord progressions that the pre-pubescent Hansen brothers had already advanced past, and the worst licks this side of the Color Me Badd free concert down at the Esplanade during the Summer Carnival.
Now take your attempts at ironic douchebaggery and hold them for The Surreal Life: Sucky Rockstar Edition in 2009. Because you’ll need all your douchey wiles to go up against Mark McGrath, Lenny Kravitz and Yngwie Malmsteen in a cornucopia of overrated habdashery.
