Wednesday, July 30, 2008

HCwDB of the Month: Droopy McScrote


While A.D: Artificial Douchetelligence put up a valliant robotic fight, and by fight I mean Cheetos Orange Residue, Droop and Surfer Kelly were far too strong a commingling to overcome, dominating in their landslide victory.

The everpresent anonymous makes the case:

While the dual belted A.D. makes me wish a pandemic outbreak of necrotizing fasciitis upon Jersey, it’s gotta be Droopy Droops for the month.

When Obama speaks of hope we can believe in, he’s speaking of Kelly here. I would pleasure her ten ways from Tuesday and then read her Goodnight Moon.

Word to your blubber Droops, keep living the dream…

Word to his blubber, indeed, Anon. The douchezetta stone agrees:

Although A.D. makes me want to vomit my Froot Loops onto my keyboard, it has to be Droopy FTW. On a hot scale, Kelly is the surface of the sun..while the Droopmiester is 0 degrees Kelvin… absolute ZERO. I would consider extreme forms of violence to pull surfer Kelly away from the Manticore-like monstrosity that is Droopy. Put a shirt on, Droopy.

But the lack of shirt is what renders Droopy’s delusions of grandblub so profoundly scrotal. As robert muldouche explains:

The Droop. He’s douching it up more than anyone else, his hott is hotter, and the contrast between his belly and hers is a marvel of the modern world.

But dr. engine disagrees, reminding us to consider alien warlords with tricked-out laser sighting:

Can’t give it to Droop. Amidsts a sea of washboard abs and Lasik Eye Surgery, he has boldy belly-flopped from the dock and caused a massive splash that surely soaked the scrotes around him. For this, I tip my Astros cap. And by that I mean Yankees cap, and say ‘good on ya.’ You can see the pain behind his gangsta signs, knowing surfer Kelly is waiting for her real douchebag to pick her up after his bouncing shift at Neptunes lets out. I prefer to give it to an oppontent who has all the chance in the world to score…who looks in the mirror and sees nothing wrong. Predator FTW!

But what of A.D.? Will this robotic douche machine from the future return for a special award at the 2008 Douchies? It’s possible. As aaronrear explains:

I’d say the Tangerine Twit, A.D., has nailed the essence of douche. He’s orange, he’s pouting, he’s wearing the strangest collection of unnecessary straps and studs and layers, and he sports the douche trademark shirt lift.

All I want to know is what the owner of the hand on the right side of the frame is saying…”Look at that scrote!”

Yes, A.R. Were he only to corral a hot like Surfer Kelly, he would’ve taken Droopy easily. But methinks we will see A.D. again.

However this is Droopy and Kelly’s moment of transcendent spitwater scrotosity. poop douchey douche makes the case:

Simply for the fact that Surfer Kelly makes my testes boil in a way no woman has since my third grade teacher let me lay under her desk for “reading time”, (Foot sniffing time)I vote Droopy FTW.

And the religiously inspired anonymous 3:16:

For me, AD and Droops are clearly the breakaways that the peloton of run-of-the-mill DB’s will never catch. But with 20 km to go, droop rides to a clear victory, leaving AD to only wallow in his pool of orange dye contemplating which Axe to spray and how to get hott’s like Surfer Kelly – perhaps a steady diet of White Castles and Cheetos…

Droops and Kelly FTW!

And steve zodiac takes it home:

For Droopy McScrote is the essence of this website: the difference between him and Surfer Kelly is like Night and Day, Acid and Base, the Pillar of Judgment and the Pillar of Mercy, all that is good and scrumptuous, and all that is vile, bitter, and pathetic. Here – BEHOLD! The failure of civilisation itself in one photograph of an overweight douchebag and a taut tummied hott with Big Fake Boobs.

Go home and cry.

As we shall. Chalk up a spot for Droopy and Surfer Kelly in the Finals at the Douchie Awards in December. They’ve earned it.

And by earned it, I mean stretch.

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# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
2:39 am November, 18 Anonymous said...

DoucheyMcstretchmarks is in da hiz!

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