Stackhouse the Poet's "I Hope the Cream Pie is Rich and Fulfilling"
HCwDB legend and early favorite at the 2010 Douchies, Stackhouse the Poet, is still out there. Still composing epic words of outsider art primitive poetry for his whobag jumpoffs.
In today’s four part masterwork, Stackhouse the Poet presents his epic tale of love and loss, “I Hope the Creampie Is Rich and Fulfilling:”
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finally in bed with my girl, its been an empty week, god knows I have been in need of long blonde hair, Ds and her gorgeous smile. off work tomorrow and couldn’t need it more. On top of the mountain. As usual, as expected. Gettin Some is a habit, get on my level diper dicks
—–
—–
Trying to get some, but no one is in f*cking town. Looks like I’m taking my dime piece and a few stacks and evacuating the vacant town till monday. White sand, blue oceans, and 5 star restaurants sound fitting at this point in the week. Get Some
——
——
I’m playing little miss drama queen tonight. Gonna douche my vag, twittle my clit, and go to work to make money for all my expensises that I could live without. My caddy always starts and is on full so ill just put 1 and 1 together than make 4. Get Some
——
——
Stackhouse is single. My recently departed f*cked more people at FSU than I can handle, let some random dude she sucked off in the keys throw my 6 day old, diamond Tiffany’s ring in the ocean. Its no biggie 4 her cause she’s blowing fsu football players on the reg, at least the last time I dated a who-bag she drove a benz. I down graded & faked a relationship 4 the last time. Out after partying, holla at ur boy
So verbatim, my ex says she is keeping all my sh*t and is f*cking the sh*t out of some dude she works with. Lol, like I talk sh*t but I def don’t get my or faces filled to mask my insecurities. Good for u hun, I hope the cream pie is rich and fulfilling like the hot donut sign turning on at crispy cream. At least I know ur actually a whore now, so at least I have something to masturbate to.
——-
Like the hot donut sign turning on at crispy cream indeed, Stackhouse.
Indeed.
I can see how all of this leads to Ho Ho’s and Night Train.
If Stacky is going to or ever received a degree, I will burn my three since I don’t need them anymore in contempt of higher education.
That is not a bleeth. Stacky was carbo-loading at Denny’s and met her when she was coming off the night shift. He had to get some fast because she takes the grandchildren to school three days a week.
WTF is a “diper dick”? Dipper? Diaper? Great–now I’m picture Stacky all dressed up in a diaper with a bonnet and pacifier.
Given his general level of intelligence, it’s really not that much of a stretch for the imagination. My 2-year-old niece has unleashed steaming coils of pureed carrot turds that are more coherent than this.
Poor Stacky can’t keep his woman satisfied. If he’d only force-fed her a few deep fried turkeys instead of his little wang…
…
Wow. Just wow.
Well holy fuccen shit! Stacky’s finally realized that all the whobags and jumpoffs are just as shallow as he is. Wait, did you feel that? I think the Earth just stoppped and changed it’s axis of rotation. Now that the shoe is on the other foot he’s all broken-hearted about it. Excuse me for a second… HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE. Yes Stacky, I do take glee in your misery. Why? Because karma (and dogma and sheepma, and whatever else-ma) has bitten you on that deep fried ass of yours. Will you learn from this? Hell no! You’ll just keep trying to “Get Some” until those same whobags and jumpoffs fuck you over again. And for God’s sake, don’t stop writing about it. This shit is pure gold muthafukah!
“Lol, like I talk sh*t but I def don’t get my or faces filled to mask my insecurities.”
Shithouse makes “or” faces?
“Sealhouse walks into a club…..”
I think Stacky has hurt his status as a favorite for the Douchies. I think there’s a fine line between being a tremendous, high-quality douchebag and being a fucking loser, and by getting dumped and shat upon by an average bleeth, Stacky is veering perilously close to the loser line.
I don’t like my douchebags – at least at the highest level – to be fucking losers.
Sounds like Stackhouse’s most recent “girlfriend” managed to squeeze through the air ducts and escape before he poked her full of syringes and filled her up with air.
Not surprising how, when he’s out burrying his nub in whatever vagina will tolerate him, it’s “Get Some!” and all that bullshit, but when the pussy’s on the other cockk, it’s “Boo hoo, whoa is Stackhouse! My cheating girlfriend’s a filthy whore! I’m taking my cockk and going to play with myself. Everybody care about me! Whaaa!”
Do us all a favor next time and take a turkey straight from the freezer to the deep fryer. I’ll be able to hear the explosion and smell your smouldering fat clear out here. You pathetic little bitch.
This has to be Stacky’s sister. Has to be. Look at the long face, the square jaw..
.
Please, dear god, tell me that this is Stacky’s sister, and that someday one of us may regale Stackhouse with stories of cream-pie-ing his sister. I’d tell him, and then let him fist-pump the sh*t out of me, if I could be the one who turned on her “hot donut” sign. Oh, sweet cream-filled justice!
.
GET SOME
I’d feel bad for Stack if he didn’t brag about crushing pussy with the finest intellectuals FSU has to offer. Shoe is on the other foot Stackmeister. I can’t guarantee whobag jump-offs won’t cheat on you if you stop being a douchebag, but it definitely won’t hurt your chances.
I can picture Stacky listening to “Feelings” over and over in some sticky-floor beach motel, his only company a battered and deflated love doll, while somewhere in the the Keys a fish is choking on a golf ball sized cubic zirconia. Whatta tool.
I love Stack now – he’s tremendous. We need him. He gives new meaning to the Ptolemaic Universe.
I once stuck my diper dick in the Crispy Cream fresh donut sign. It wasn’t that bad, really.
I don’t like reveling in other peoples misery however in the stacksters case I actually got a laugh out of this and it felt good. The spelling, or lack there of, and his sentence structure is comical.
I almost feel bad for the guy. Almost.
.
.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Dammit, Stack: it’s “Krispy Kreme”.
Perhaps you should put a neon sign on your butthole that says “GET SOME” and back your bare ass into the FSU field house.
Get Some! Diper Dick!
I think dipper dick means diaper dick, or a dick covered in feces after an anal adventure.
Get Some
i still dont really get where this whole “IO’m huge/jacked/ripped” attitude comes from considering he really isn’t at all.
can we get some copy/pastesd of what his friends say to this as well?
Seriously?
Come ON.
We all know you got that ring at Kay Jewelers, on sale.
In the cubic zirconia case.
Your ex is clearly no Audrey Hepburn.
But she does seem to be in the same line of work as Holly Golightly.
In a swamp-pussy, Miami-VIP-room-gangbang kinda way.
But continue to whine about it, Marjorie; it’s awesome!
I peed in FSU once.
Dayum! Stack’s latest Quatrain brought tears to my eyes…because i was rolling around on the floor laughing so hard. I think there needs to be a new category for the Douchies: HCwDB Poet Laureate. Let the games begin!
You know Stacky McBeanlicker’s next post is going to rival that of old country tunes…
–
–
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My bitch left me
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She took the dog too
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Now’s its lonely in the double-wide
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I’m on my fourth turkey
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and it’s only noon
–
No who-bags in sight
–
I’m so lonesome I should die
(twang twang twang)
It’s official: Stackhouse, by his own admission, is now a jump-off.
It’s OK. He can still “get some” from his hand and crush some fleshlight. It’ll make his arms more swole.
Questions of the Day:
First of all, could that girl’s shirt and skirt get any tighter?
Second, could she inflate those boobs any bigger?
Third, could she bleach the hair any blonder?
Fourth, could she be any dumber, for standing next to Stackhouse?
Fifth, could he be any more pathetic?
Last, could we have any more fun than this?
I love this guy.
We are all amateur psychologists and when this guy’s stuff hits this place I don’t even know where to begin. Daddy? Mommy? Siblings? Class bully?
The Play Station addicted, abbreviation texting, ebonics inundated, classless, clueless generation has reached leadership age. In years only.
Folks this is your future, your senators, business leaders, your tastemakers, your direction.
Now I know why my dad used to look at me and shake his head in disgust. That and the time he caught me shaving the hair off my arms to make me faster on the basepaths.
Yeah, that’s what I needed today…to have my IQ lowered by this slider fart. He was funny the first dozen times but now it’s just lame.
Call me when the real site is back up.
Jason thanks his nurse for finding the ring he lost up his sphincter
I wonder what the combined taste of 8 or 9 FSU football player coccks in one girl’s mouth tastes like….
Stack?
this is also a good lesson for me in why i should never either brag about my accomplishments nor bitch about my “failings” with women on facebook…cuz even if it SEEMS to make sense, be funny/relatable to me, you prolly inevitably just look like a douche…
There’s something very unsavoury about his writing. The misogyny is so pervasive and grotesque. I feel dirty after reading it.
“At least I know ur actually a whore now, so at least I have something to masturbate to.”
I think the American Psychiatric Assoc. would pay good money for this kind of raw material.
We are the douchebags . We are the choadwanks. Clubbing together. Codpiece filled with herp. Alas!
–
T.S. Smelliot
My computer died. (now typing on a library machine) Will be offline until I get a new one. I am super bummed. Catch you all later.
Ladies and gentlemen … and everyone who posts here, too. I think it is terrible for us to kick a man when he is down. I am ashamed for all of us.
Oh, who am I kidding?
Take some, you pointy-hair douche!
@ Troy-
later
One of the all-time sports bloopers (hang in until 1:08)
—
Bert Blyleven’s hilarious foul mouth brain fart
I’d like to know how he got his hands on a 6-day-old diamond. What did he rob some sort of science lab?
Stackhouse rules! No one likes a diper dick. You hatterz are just jealous you don’t live near a Krispy Creme. There donunts are like the real thing, HOT and STICKY.
Stacky aint letting his probs keep him from pounding pussy on the reg.
GET SOME!
TAKE SOME dicks in your gf’s or faces.
@massengill 10:40
Excellent point. My theory: He took a Kingsford charcoal briquette, jammed it up his ass, and then used his superior backdoor Kegel skills to craft it into a fine diamond in under a week. Carbon dating will prove it.
GET SOME….third grade science knowledge!
This is douchebag of the year.
I just drank one of Target’s “Nutritional Drink Plus” supplement drinks. It’s pretty much generic Ensure. I found it to be very rich and fulfilling, not unlike the hot donut sign turning on at Krispy Kreme.
Holy shit. I genuinely feel bad for this kid.
@ Mr. White and Massengill
Not to be an asshole or anything…
………………………………………………………………………………………..
Carbon dating is a first-order exponential decay process so carbon dating would not give you a very good answer. The half-life of C-14 is 5370 years. And even with the most excellent Kegel skills in the world it would still take 2-3 weeks to make a diamond. And a shitty one at that (pun intended). I think our boy Stacky thinks that anything that is clear, colorless and reflects light is a diamond. He probably gave her an ice cube with his I.Q.
To Dire Strait’s Money for Nothing
Pussy for Nothin’
Now look at me hatterz, here’s the way you douche it
You ply the jump-offs with the appletini
I ain’t workin’ that’s the way I douche it
Pussy for nothin’ cuz’ the bleeth are free
Now watch me work it, slip the roofies to ‘em
Lemme tell ya these bitches are dumb
Maybe squirt a crème pie in their swollen rectum
Wonder why it burns when I cum?
.
I gotta get some anonymous lovin’
Crush some sperm in some ovaries
I gotta crunch abs like the God Gator
Who gives a f*ck about STD’s
.
(Ya say that I’mma douchebag with my earrings and my dogtags
Yeah buddy I score the hotties
I’m f*ckin’ STACKHOUSE got my own Mercedes
At least when daddy lets me take the keys)
.
Gotta get some sorority lovin’
Smack ‘em hard and brig ‘em to their knees
I gotta sneak ‘em back to the trailer
Gotta grab some fake Titteeees
.
I shoulda learned to check for scabies
I shoulda learned to wear condoms
Look at that hosebag, she got it pumpin’ on the dance floor
Man I gotta Get me Some
And she’s up there, what’s that? Vagina noises?
Squirtin’ out the stink like a colostomy
That whore’s pumpin’, that’s the way I like it
Gettin’ pussy for nothin’ and Herpes for free
.
You wish you had some anonymous lovin’
F*ckin’ wish you could be me
Yer life is empty, you f*ckin Hatter
What’s that you said about STD’s?
.
Look a’ here
I ain’t workin’ who the f*ck would do that
Don’t drink the water like a big pussy
I ain’t jerkin’, it hurts to much to do it
Pussy for nothin’ and disease for free
Pussy for nothin’ and crabs for free
.
Pussy for nothin’ I cry when I pee
.
Look at that, look at that
.
Pussy for nothin’ and disease for free
Who wants to, who wants to, who wants to get VD
Pussy for nothin’ shits oozin’ outta me
.
(Fade)
Who wants to, who wants to, who wants to get VD
Sorry the inner geek came out. Bad geek, bad geek.
GET SOME bone-in Ribeyes!
GET SOME bloomin’ onions!
Incredible lyrical skills, Mr. Scrotato Head.
Indeed, Mr S Head has meter
GET SOME wedgie salad with dick cheese!
I can honestly say, reading Stackhouse pooetry has expanded my vocabulary more than the two years of summer school English ever did.
@Vin, 10:08 a.m. –
The only thing “fucked up” is the Hall of Fame voting bloc keeping Blyleven and his 60 shutouts out of the Hall. Great clip, though! LMAO!
Circle me, Bert!
Stackhouse,
If your looking for a good donut to f*ck, may I suggest the Bavarian cream. It comes with it’s own creampie.
GET SOME science shaming from Doc Bunsen.
I understand this girl. If I had to stand that close to Stackhouse, I too might gnaw off my own lower lip in agony.
@Dr. BH^
An icecube?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Snurk!
“And she’s up there, what’s that? Vagina noises?
Squirtin’ out the stink like a colostomy”
GET SOME ^win^
GET SOME search parties after Crucial….
Shutup all you jealous hatters. Stackhouse is the new Maya Angelou.
@jacques
I Know Why the Who-Bags Sing?
In the time honored tradition of trying to summon Plinky through mama jokes:
Crucial Head is such a who-bag, Stackhouse won’t even crush his pussy.
How can anyone top that?
Crucial Head is such a who-bag, the entire offensive line of the FSU football team has him on speed dial.
I am sorry I ever doubted Stackhouse. I was getting a little tired of him and then this comes along. My personal highlights in this would have to be:
“My recently departed f*cked more people at FSU than I can handle”
And we all know Stackhouse can handle dudes. Fuck knows how many she managed to cram into herself to finally make him jealous enough to break up with her.
“At least I know ur actually a whore now, so at least I have something to masturbate to.”
Did he just say he was going to beat one off to the thought of his ex with lots of other guys?
“Out after partying, holla at ur boy ”
Contender for the most incoherent sentence ever?
Crucial head is such a who-bag Stackhouse masturbates to pictures of him creampieing a doughnut.
Crucial head is such a who-bag he survived three rounds of “What can you fit up there” in Mr White’s Dungeon.
Crucial Head is such a who-bag his crabs are Zagat rated Four Stars.
Crucial Head is such a who-bag, he’s let Darksock pee in him on multiple occasions.
Crucial Head is such a who-bag, he’s let me pee on him on multiple occasions.
Crucial Head is such a who-bag when he farts it sounds like when you’re grandpa would stand on the balcony and violently shake out the living room rugs.
Crucial Head is such a who-bag “multiple occasions” means both partners and frequency.
Crucial Head is such a who-bag snails worship the slime trail he leaves in his wake.
Crucial head is such a who-bag that his last building design had twenty four free-standing columns (all Doric) all pointed at one flying buttress.
Crucial head is such a who-bag that all these comments calling him a who-bag are already in his CV under “Additional information”
Crucial head is such a who-bag that only he can sate the mighty and depraved lusts of the one and only Samurai Scrote. The last time he did so everyone inside a four mile radius went blind and bled from the nose in sympathy. After they had finished cuddling he necked all of Darksock’s Ambien to dull the memories. The outcome of that was the 10,000 post thread we still worship to this day.
Crucial head is such a who-bag even Stackhouse’s “recently departed” looked at him and said, “Damn, bitch, you SUCH a who-bag!”
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go fist pump the shit out of something, add 1 + 1 and get 4, and GET SOME!
Crucial Head is such a who-bag that he can deep fry an entire turkey farm in his crushed pussy while knitting glory hole doilies.
Consistency is the hallmark of a champion. Congrats, Stackhouse, on being a world class asshat. You win!
i knew the self-inflicted Stackhouse reference yesterday was a bad move.
because now i don’t know where my internal organs are.
Crucial Head is such a who-bag, he actually designed Stackhouse’s house.
Scrotato @ 11:30
WWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
.
Excellent work, sir.
.
And indeed…is it any wonder that Stacky’s ladylove took it upon herself to be as much of a disgusting slut as he is? Not to mention, if he talked TO her as bad as he talks ABOUT her, well, then, I’d be looking for someone else, too. Six dicks in your mouth is less degrading than a date with Stackhouse.
Not even that hot of a chick stackhouse you d-bag. I’d take the big boobied blonde in a bathing suit with a side of herpes before her.
Although I haven’t been around that long, I feel I can relate to everyone when they bash Stackhouse – his stories on here are legendary, and I can’t help but clench my asshole when he speaks/writes.
Excellent mocking, folks…you nail him even better than that cheap 2 bit whore standing on the corner downtown kitty corner from my apartment.
@Medusa: “Six dicks in your mouth is less degrading than a date with Stackhouse.” That’s so beautifully put, I about shed a tear. *applause*
@ Mr. Scrotato Head — some of your best work, sir!
Stacky’s cum dumpsters are just as shallow, stupid, and foul as he is?
Who’d a thunk it?
Enjoy your herpes and future in low-level retail sales, dickwad.
So, the might Stackhouse got screwed over by an FSU sorostitute?
Did she also leave you the gift that keeps on giving?
Stackhouse is so lame he’s his own sloppy seconds.
Is Scrotato Head in the Contributor Hall of Fame?
If not, why not?
Damn brilliant! I had to call paramedics to jump start my heart with them paddles after laughing myself into cardiac arrest.
Crucial is such a who-bag that his colon is nicknamed “Frappuccino”; often garnished with Mexican chocolate as well.
Every time he mentions “who-bag,” he ruins fond memories Dr. Seuss. Thanks Stackhouse, you wanker.
* of Dr. Seuss. Jeebus, Stackhouse’s syntax is infecting my writing.
***slow clap***
That was like reading a Robert Frost poem for the first time. While taking a hot diarrhea shit on a jail cell toilet
a photo at the local steakhouse,they’re trying so hard!
If it’s been talked about I apologize, but this guy sounds like a alter ego. Somewhere in the bowels of Tallahassee lies a regular fella who occasionally likes to morph into the Ultimate Poo-bah of Douchebaggery.
And he’s laughing at us.
Oh god not this shit again. Listen up elder child cocks, of a fat, broke, bootleg society that browses the internet like a fucking soft core porn. I was on FB the year it came out, I was crushing the web at 14, when yall had no clue what cyber space was. Obviously no one here has any clue of modern terminology. Who-bag means a bitch u banged out who’s name is not worth remembering. For example, yo bro, who did u pound out last night? I don’t know her name, I never cared to ask, hence: who-bag. Who the fuck watches dr. Sues or whatever it is yall or talking about. My family made me play sports, read books for school, and occupy my time in a constructive manner. Sorry u homos don’t know that who-bags are just skanks good looking dudes trash. But don’t worry fat old fucks, I’m not heart broken or depressed. I’m just doing what I do. I vent negatively about her cause I’m a selfish capitalist who doesn’t think any girl should do me wrong, even when I’m out fucking all her friends, and lieing to her face about everything I say. I’m just bitter that some girls actually think they can oppose me when I’m meticulous ass shit with crushing other puss, and lieing with a str8 face. Where do they get off. Its not like I got caught, its not like I didn’t flip every tab. I just think these skanks need to be reformed like the health care bill that was just implemented. We need slut reform in America. Woman be woman, and skanks be skanks. U can’t blow coke off my dick and act like ur a classy woman. Sorry. I don’t hate on real woman, in fact I avoid them, I know I’m not built for them, they are for the most part good people who deserve good things from relationships. I go for whores, so if ur promoting ur a whore, don’t change the game up mid way. Be u, accept it and move forward in ur life. I’m a dirt bag to most and that’s fine, I’ve accepted that along time ago. But fake bitches need reform, education, and counseling. Get Some
Oh and to what ever pussy says they know me on a weight to height to bmi ratio, ur an ass clown. I’m 6ft1 230lbs. I sit at 9% bf 6 months out the year, and 7% the other months. So I’m sorry but look up nfl running backs, anyone, shit mike tyson even….I’d tower him. Ur honestly a fucking idiot when u comment on me saying I’m not big and shredded. If u actually knew that and it was true, ud have to be a bitter ex and they would def. Leave their name all over that comment. Ask ur webmaster to post my pics on here. Ill show u what a small guy like me has to offer with striated pecs, and veins where most humans don’t. Sorry fag fuck, call me out and ill answer. If u think I’m not legit, than all day ill prove u wrong.
You stepped in what?
“striated”?
.
Really?
.
Not “stri8d”? Or “stry8d”? Or “jacked” or “swole”?
.
I call shenanigans.
The only thing I refuse to believe about anon0852 is that he was forced to read books. Forced to pretend he was reading books, maybe.
And on the web at 14 when we knew nothing about it? If that is Stackhouse then that’d be just after the millennium or something. I was part of Geocities (not my first foray into ‘cyberspace’). That attempt at a proto-social-network site was in terminal decline (when Yahoo changed the T&Cs) before you even worked out how to connect to the fucking internet! And I am damn sure there are people on here with longer pedigrees than me.
As for the rest of the post – I am surprised. A degree of self awareness. Basically saying he’s too immature for most women so goes for the easy option. That insight alone made me think “shenanigans”…
I am with you Stacky. I second the motion for slut reform. Also, I thought I was the only one who liked it when chicks snort coke off of their cocks. Right on, man. Right on.
Oh Stacky. Why do you get upset when we insinuate you’re basically a dirtbag, when clearly you accept it about yourself? I understand your need to be seen as superior in every possible situation (Narcissistic Personality Disorder will do that to you), but really, Stacky, computers and networking? *That* is what you’re going to brag about? CP/M doesn’t stand for Crushes Per Minute, son. And I was online before it was called being online, on CP/M machines. It’s not only before your time, it’s probably before you were born. Stick to what you know: fist pumping the shit out of stuff, crushing who-bag pussy, posturing endlessly due to your raging case of NPD, and being a choad. K? K.
You’re a “meticulous ass shit”?!!
We all know where shit comes from, but we were all unaware that a shit such as yourself was meticulous.
Please, by all means, post more, Mr. Stackhouse!!! The more you post, the more you provide evidence that you are indeed, a putrid pustule of rotting douche neandertalism/
Awesome thing about the internet is that you can describe yourself however you want.
Another awesome thing about the internet is that if you dig you can sometimes catch people in the act of lying/exaggerating.
Mr Beinlich – please let me know what hormones you were taking to grow another 2 inches after you reached your twenties. http://www.seminoles.com/sports/m-swim/mtt/beinlich_jason00.html
I have 800 head of cattle I’d like to get swole before the slaughter.
2pessimist