Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Signs of the Douchepocalypse #44
“And lo, when the douche clouds of bodyspray have gathered over the Vegas of Las, and the pud named Joey makes a peace sign, The Gatekeeper will massage the Keymaster with oils, and Gozer the Douchestroyer will rise again…”
— The Book of the ‘Bag, Hardrockius Douchebagus subsection
I can smell the Valtrex from here.
The Bleeth is more disturbing than the “I bang you, you bang me” twins. I mean it’s not all bad. At least her Ho-hawk can double as a mullet when she doesn’t have enough hair gel. Or semen. Well, she probably always has a small backup supply of semen stashed away in her belly button and/or bung hole.
.
But I had a point… I think. Oh yes. She scares me. And Vegas has become waaay worse than Jersey. Which is like theology experts re-reading the bible and saying they have discovered another, newer, hell that is waaay worse than the original one.
Gays.
Gozer the Douchestroyer… good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City of Las Vegas, Clark County and State of Nevada, I order you to cease any and all douchernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel douchemension.
These douches crossed the streams…
I understand the “terrorists” have a budget – and all,,,,,but damn they should really be hitting Vegas and 90210 zip codes.
Would the fauxhawk bitch just let a Brothabag pose pleeze?
Steroids: Does A Body Good!
.
Well, until your balls shrink, heart explodes and you die by 43.
you dont know as much as you like to think you know ha ha…
As a woman, my first inclination is to wonder if Sharkbag would be into this chick. They could trade hair tips and social diseases. I shall call her Lady Sharkbag. For somehow she manages to be douchier than the two gaybag body builders she is with. And since gaybags are not a threat we most focus our mock on Lady Sharkbag. For she is skankamazing.
Great use of anabolic agents in conjunction with what looks like a pretty decent workout routine, considering who we are talking about here. Juicebags who at least work at it deserve slightly less mock, slightly less, than Juicebags who can’t even muster the energy to hit the gym regularly.
But they will still be on the receiving end of mock, I say.
The bleeth is blecch.
The phrase, “Get a life” has never had more meaning.
The phrase, “Queer as a three dollar Black Jack chip” has never had more meaning.
The phrase, “Queer as a plaid rabbit” has never had more meaning.
I’ll bet they look like they’re walking around on a set of drum sticks because they were so focused on their biceps and pecs. What a couple of maroons, as Bugs would say.
I’ll jump in Vin
.
The phrase, “Queer as a unicorn fart blasted banana hammock” has never had more meaning.
The phrase, “Queer as a viking youghurt souffle” has never had more meaning.
The phrase, “Queer as a Perez Hilton life-size Real Doll” has never had more meaning.
Hold on. Maybe the caption on this pic should be: “NAMBLA: We don’t discriminate. Just Give Us Your Boys.”
The phrase, “Persian dry butt boy fuck” has never had more meaning
they equip the chambermaids at Hardrock with highly unique featherdusters
End of Days.
Sure there is physical development of their upper bodies, but has the price they must surely have paid been worth it? Endless hours of likeminded company in a sweaty gym; boring, repetitious exercises. And what’s the reward? Posing with a toilet brush head skankety-skank-skank wouldn’t interest me in the slightest. The morons deserve each other.
Nancy Dreuche nailed it. This chick is douchier than the bags – truly garbage.
I order you to cease any & all douchernatural activity & return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel douchemension.
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