Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Krista’s Poor Life Choices During the College Years
Sorry, Brad.
Working at the Piggly Wiggly and playing in a thrash band may impress Krista from October of Sophomore Year to November of Sophomore Year.
But by Junior Year she’ll upgrade to German car owning business majors.
Which, come to think of it, is more like a downgrade.
Aw crap. Krista, this picture deprives you of the right to act snooty towards anyone. Of course you’ll still claim that right. So expect drama for the rest of your life. Hope pudwack there was worth it.
What woman in her right mind wouldn’t be sucked in by linoleum and a wifebeater? Romance is in the air people! Its either that or the stench of old cigarette butts and burnt grilled cheese sandwiches.
“You must be THIS tall to deride…”
Little black dress, no obvious flaws. I’m in love.
Daggering night at Samuel Clemens dormitory has not been the same since DeeDee graduated and went back to Jamaica.
^I would say her biggest flaw is that horrible piece of douche she sat in. The one that appears to be stuck to her rear end. Other than her diminshed capacity to choose wisely she’s great. That means you have a chance at bangin’ her too Douchble Helix.
Damn you McCrudeshoes, you’re always between me and victory.
I’d like to think that Krista is so enthralled by the vintage linoleum under her feet that she is oblivious to Meatwackpudwackinestein. That vintage linoleum can sure pull some tail.
@Nancy: I don’t want to be between you, Vic, and Tory. Sounds like a good time and I’m sure you have earned it.
This is exactly why business majors need to take science classes like math, physics, and chemistry. If shitforbrains would have paid the slightest bit of attention he would know that pulling up on her hair will not create a high enough pressure differential to get his 1 mm peen anywhere near Hershey highway let alone her Gate of Paradise. He’s gotta go for the reduced pressure INSIDE her skull. Take some rebar and poke around inside enough until you feel the air rushing in AND THEN put your tiny peen near a hole. Jackass.
if Brad’s mom only knew that he was sending half his monthly adderall prescription up Krista’s nose every weekend she’d probably make him see Dr. Rosenblum 4 times a week over the summers.
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But Krista keeps calling, and it probably goes something like this:
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“hi, Brad? It’s Krista. So sorry I couldn’t come out with you this week, but I was, like, totally studying all week and well, just wondering if your Mom sent you a refill of those adderalls. Or, does your roomie have any? I totally hate to ask, but..
What? Oh you did? Awesome. Well, I’ll come over right now then…
Oh, no worries if you’re not dressed up, it’s just down the hall- I’m already dressed up to go out to the Piggly Wiggly tonight with Carrie and Brenda, so I’ll just stop by real quick and grab it.
Also, are you working tonight?? Because it would be like totally cool if you could sneak us some free drinks like you did last week. Like I said, I totally spent all my money for like the whole month, but will definitely pay you for the adderall next month….”
Some time in the last week, I’m sure I conversation like this took place:
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“Um, Brad? Ya know, sometimes it be kinda like, um a little boring, you know? Maybe you could, you know, spank me a little bit when we, um, you know? And I’d really like it if you pulled on my hair a little bit, you know?”
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“Pull on it? You mean like this?”
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“Yeah, uh, like nevermind. I have to go to the bathroom for a few minutes.”
Well, sure, but on this site the ‘bag is a given. A chance? Why, if I was just 35 years younger, I’d be crushin’ that, and all the rest. It would be like the buffet at the KFC. Get some!
New Rectal RealDolls™: Now with Briggs and Stratton pull-start action!
I see no mark of the douche. All I see is a kid who way outkicked his coverage and has a hot piece of ass pressed up against Mr. Gigglestick. Yeah the wifebeater is low class, but he isn’t all that bad. Yes she is slummin’, but haven’t we all???
@McCrudeshoes 1:18p if you only knew the trials and tribulations this last year has put me through, if you only knew. You’re right, I do deserve a threeway with two strangers.
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@Helix, I’m sure you could have really torn it up in your day. In fact if you have a moment you should share some of those pussy crushing stories with us. You know, to prove you once had it.
^Or…. just cut and paste from Wilt Chamberlain’s autobiography, inserting your own name, and the names of various female celebrities as appropriate.
You whippersnappers think you invented getting laid. Harrumphhh!
@Helix, Shenanigans. No actual old person actually talks like that. But yeah if I invented it I definitely shoulda patented it and probably should practice it every once in a while if I’m gonna claim to be an expert. Which undoubtedly I am.
Brad has the low set ears and vacant eyes often associated with slow physical development and delayed mental skills. He appears to be a borderline psychopath, which does not bode well for young Krista.
At best, he’ll be able to perform menial tasks and become a semi-independent imbecile.
At worst, Krista will be found scalped and mutilated in a shallow grave with her breasts ritualistically removed with a landscape rake, and Brad will spend the rest his days heavily medicated and confined in The Iowa State Asylum for the Criminally Insane.
^Has Hallmark approached you yet Hermit?
Nancy hun, you’ve got the wit sharpened up a bit extra today. What gives?
@ Hermit
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“…confined in The Iowa State Asylum for the Criminally Insane.” Shit, that place closed years ago. Back when I was there… I was visiting. An uncle. Yeah, my uncle Jim. He was… uh… mean and uh… did some bad things…uh.. Oh my God what in the world can that be? *scampers from room* Try and catch me again bitches!
@Nancy: Fate eventually crushes all of us they way Stackhouse crushes cheap pussy. Then tosses us aside to ponder the searing pain in our metaphysical orifices caused by the cruel and capricious thrusting of fate’s divine phallus. But cheer up! One way or another we all get fucked. So you have that going for you.
Oh, for goodness’ sake. This cat is the most tepid, non-committal bad-boy wannabe I’ve ever seen. That’s what you call a hair-yanking rogering? Please. He looks like he’s trying to assess her split ends before he gives her a deep conditioning treatment. Behind closed doors, this is a dude who gets really intimidated and freaked out if the woman wants to be on top.
ATTENTION:
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It’s only a matter of time before they get removed or infested with virusii , but there are nude photos of Blake Lively waiting to be googled out there, Son
@Detective PI, I don’t know, sometimes I’m just sharper than other times. I must be getting all of my daily required vitamins.
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@McCrudeshoes, thanks that bit of advice will come in handy when fate decides to skip foreplay again.
^I knew Heavily Medicated. And you sir are no Heavily Medicated.
Some girls are lucky enough to sit in gum or get it in their hair…
the unexpected dry husky rasp of dessicated scabs against his foreskin caused a surge of panic poop down into his socks.
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^what?
I wanna say she’s hott which she is but I thinks she knows and those are the worse kind of chicks.
Doggie baggin’. I thought that had gone the way of Crocs, but I did see a guy wearing Crocs earlier today, too.
I think Medusa has it right, this guy is just training to be a “stylist”. He doesn’t even care that her butt is rubbing against his flaccid junk.
this is like looking at a 4 year old posed in the driver’s seat of a big block muscle car.
Brad needs to start working out, so it looks like he could actually beat his wife. Krista is cute and she knows it. Which makes her kinda painful.
HAHA….^ – that is exactly what we are looking at.
Krista’s real cute in a Jennifer Aniston-sort-of-way.
Yup, he’s a junior pudwack.