Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDB of the Month: Sleepy Jerkenstein and Cindy

This wasn’t a vote so much as a coronation. And that wasn’t some easy competition. Mickey the Polyp and Savannah were hottie/douchey enough to win a Monthly. So were The Lickwipe and Sexy Poochtickle Trina.

Hells, Enrique and Paid-to-Pose Tammy weren’t no chump change neither.

Between this pic of tattoo cheek and half-lidded disinterest in presence of Purity Suckle Cindy, and the Guggenheim worthy art masterpiece Innocence and Poo Face, we have us a winner (loser).

The readers speak:

Scoopy Douche: Jerkenstein FTW. Cindy for the back seat of my mom’s ‘67 Chrysler Newport, where I would show her the meaning of “box score”.

Douche of Hazzard: I gotta go with Sleepy. I think he is posing like that to show his eyelid tatts. Stupid tattoos, stupid hat, big fat belly and a hot chick. WTF?

Vin Douchal: Worst combo is Sleepy Jerkenstein and Cindy. Therefore , they get the vote. And by vote I mean no 9-1-1 call or heimlich when Sleepy chokes on Beef Jerkey. Just a lot of pointing and laughing

FoghornLeghorn: Tough choice this month, but I have to go with Jerkenstein and Cindy. The “Taco God” tattoo on his face pushes him beyond the other douches.

fatness: This one is a matter of extremes…SJ is extremely toxic and Cindy is extremely cute but naive. You just know this evening ended badly with her wandering some dirt road with no memory of the last six hours.

Wheezer: She is everything that is girl-next-door cutie, the one you liked to watch as she’d wash her Dad’s car, help her Mom in the garden, and sit on the school bus laughing and giggling with her friends. She’d always have a nice “Hi” for you when she saw you outside or at school, so you find yourself seething with rage that she’s in any way interested in this rat pizzle.

Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche: Gotta go with Sleepy Jerkenstein and Cindy. Assclown deliberately did that so he wouldn’t have to get a job, and can sit around and suck on the welfare teat all day. When he’s not dipping into Cindy’s student loan, that is. Where’s a good chainsaw when you need one?

ehcuodouche: There’s no reason on earth to tattoo “Fear God” under your eyeballs unless you want it to be the target for fists.

Mr. Scrotato Head: Sleepy Jerkstein and Cindy. Because she is real world bad-decision making but not so bad that it’s permanent (unless she’s got Hep-C), and because I want to hear Sleepy’s acceptance speech which will no doubt include something like “Mm-umm-mph. Uhhm. C’n I have sum Cheetos w’that? Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawn, h’come m’eyelids hurt?”

Charles Nelson Douchely: The only way Sleepy could be any scrotier is if it was a Yankees cap tilted sideways on his empty skull. Sleepy FTW.

A total domination of taint. Lets let Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche take us home:

Sleepy Jerkenstein and Cindy FTW! Why? THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! He’s like the MacLeod to all the other immortals seen here. They all have their own special skills and weaponry but none is the ultimate match for Sleepy. His face tatts and utter lack of anything even remotely resembling the ability to comprehend that he is considered sentient gives him the the ability to win “The Prize”. All the others are upright, have a facial expression and seem to have the necessary locomotive skills to move unassisted but not Sleepy. No way! Life is WAY over-rated (in his opinion) we’re just all living in his world. AND for that, he wins (loses).

So true. And so tragic. Chalk ’em up for the poo-ly, and me for breakfast cereals of indeterminate origin.