Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

7:55 am November, 26 Dickie Fingers said...

Southern Woo Stateschoolettes are the best.

8:19 am November, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

By the age of 26 these girls will look 56. I’ll bet for as cute as her face is, the one on the right has Cankles.

8:20 am November, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Rev. Chad Halffaceman in the back is thinking, “I always wanted to do anal with the Bush twins.”

8:32 am November, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

It’s indeed a lazy day when we are reduced to referring to 65kg bags of guacamole and regret as hotties. Diabetes is the new bulimia.

9:00 am November, 26 The Dude said...

I agree with Wallnuts. Get ’em while they’re hott, gentlemen!

9:46 am November, 26 purpledrank said...

The Molson Twins.

10:23 am November, 26 Vin Douchal said...

Suburban Housewife Delima Pt. 1

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Nights of clubbing, Kappa Alpha Theta days at UCLA melt into pop quizes and complexion complexities as Vernon, the solid “C” grade Computation major slides his way into an otherwise innocent life of group poses, bathroom make-up exchanges and pep rallies and Pauley Pavillion ladies room vomit scenes.

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An innocent night of jello shooters finds her 6 weeks later peeing on a Rite Aid home test praying, hoping upon hoping the straight line in the little window does not grow a cross hair. Negative? No, positive. Again

All five stages manifest in one stream of anguish, “NO!, Shit!, Please be wrong- I’ll do anything, oh no I’m screwed, Well,….. five positives can’t be wrong,…. time to call dad”

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Showing , glowing back for the Holidays when the high school ex- sees her at the Piggly Wiggly shopping for last minute yams and Coors Light inquiring about college….. she cries, falls into his embrace. He tells her he will take care of her , stay here, marry me, I’ll raise the child as if my own. We’ll have others, maybe right away so they can have a little sister or brother…. I’ve always loved you more than life itself. I cried when you went to California,… my Kelly, sweet sweet Kelly…. they make love in his 4 wheel drive 1500 HD , drying each others tears and gentialia with the same greasy oil rag

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Three kids, four years later, the silo manufacturer closes, the corporations snatch up the farms and they’re living in “the extra room” at her parents house all five of them like Mexican pallet families on a sand mountain in Tijuana. No sex, no desire anyway, no quiet time, constant badgering from dad, a baby with colic, a pre-schooler with constantly skinned knees and a toddler wearing opposite sex hand-me-downs .. ….

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In a rare moment when all three kids are asleep and he’s out grousing with his pals, she smiles and in a saturnine, morose moment thinks about a nineteen year old with a fake ID, surrounded by faux-sisters , dapper young men and their will to succeed and the life of her forgotten college friends in their Malibu Zuma classes with designer panini griddles and tremendous Jared wedding rings. She walks calmly to her parents medicine cabinet

.

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She swallows her mom’s month supply of valium and pens a note, ” I’m a failure, I crossed paths with a Douchebag and did not head the warnings,… I’m sorry,goodbye “

10:27 am November, 26 Vin Douchal said...

I’m Miley Cyrus and I approve of this message

10:32 am November, 26 FredN. said...

VD for comment of the month!

Hells yeah. Depressing and hilarious.

10:37 am November, 26 Magnum Douche P. I. said...

VD: as I sit on the crapper (where I do most of my HCWDB comment reading) I am amazed yet again by your writing. Another fine job my man.

10:40 am November, 26 Jacques Mom said...

These twoare very cute. I’m sure my boy Jacques wouild think so too and jerk his little pud to them. Hes always had difficulty jerking it though, using only his pinky and ring finger to wrap around his wrinkly little meal worm pecker and stretch it out. He can never get it fullly hard and cries whenever he jerks it. It’s from all those times growing up watching me jerk off fat old men and their big ugly diseased cocks. Though their scabby hobo puss cocks were pretty hideous Jacques little bent up peen is even uglier, and really small by comparisson. ANd so he cries to momma every time he jerks it about how hes never had a girlfriend that doesnt laugh at his tiny little peen and is still a virgin after 36 years except for the few times i let him stick iit in momma’s vag cause I knew no other woman ever would.

11:25 am November, 26 creature said...

trevor laughs as he knows these two think going atm on the 1st date is the way to land a boyfriend

11:51 am November, 26 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Dammit.

11:53 am November, 26 Steve said...

I’m getting a serious case of 1990’s Sarah Michelle Gellar from the blonde.

12:43 pm November, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Jacques, get yourself a better quality of stalker, will ya? Who writes this material? Dane Cook?

3:45 pm November, 26 Magnum Douche P. I. said...

^ I was starting to wonder if Nancy D. got paroled from her Indecent Exposure jail sentence and was back with us.

6:39 pm November, 26 Wheezer said...

Vin, damn…..that was fuccen beautiful, brah.

12:26 am November, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

It’d be obvious if it was Nancy. Besides, she doesn’t hate on me, cuz she wants the D.

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I probably pissed off some anon and some point and they continue lurking, waiting for some opportunity to troll hard like the little bitch they are. It could even be Stackhouse. Me and him had our brief little joust, and I called him out as a chest thumping punk…cuz that’s all he is.

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Who knows. I don’t really care who they are or what they say. I’m still here, they run away after a little while, and nothing said on the internet has any substance anyways.

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So bring it on.

8:50 am November, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Nance is a little bit psycho hosebeast… but occasionally funny. If funny exploded this troll wouldn’t see the light from from the explosion for over 9,000 years. See what I did there?