Search Results
HCwDB of the Month: The Poopaloompa
It came down to Bagpoleon and Poopaloompa, with the Poopster getting enough support to make a double win(loss) for us.
Even with Jane, a secondary lady in the presence of pure hottwater like Josephine, Alana and Charleez, the Poop was too toxic to be denied. Poopaloompa and Jane for the double: Closet of Poo and for the Yearly. And lets not forget Poopa’s second log.
The voters speak:
Archidouchies: Poopa. Duh. Bagpoleon has the hottest hot, but…just look at Poopa! He’s so orange, people with jaundice offer him their livers. Poopaloompa FTW.
Troy Tempest: Poopster FTW. Why? Because he looks like a Romulan ditch digger who sleeps on a bed made of cheez doodles.
bagwagger: I used to sleep like a log, and now I can’t because of one. If a vote for Poopa makes the nightmares end, it’s worth a shot.
Anonymous: Poopaloompa is grotesque enough on his own to claim the monthly, despite the highter caliber of Hott competitors (Poopa’s girls aren’t that bad though). Poopaloompa. Time to jump out of my office window.
One for the Choad: the question is: does Poopaloompa’s doucheness trump Charleez’s hottness? Sadly, it does, and she’s my favorite hott on the site. That’s how strong Poopa’s scrote factor is. If his doucheness were gravity, everything would crumble to dust on the ground.
Dunkin Scrotenuts: The orange pumpkin head scares me to death but the second pic makes me want to kick a puppy.
manimal: Ooooomp my loompin poooompa… By far the scoatiest über-choad of them all. Plus, he is Orangé!
DarkSock: How, as men and women of conscience, are we NOT going to send Poopa to the Big Dance? He is Epic. He is Squint-Eyed Corruptor. He is Orange; more orange than Chester Cheeta’s colon.
Anonymous: Poopa’s women would give you the best sex of your life; the other “hotts” would stare at the ceiling wondering 1) if you were done yet and 2) wondering if they could sneek a Twitter in while you’re grunting and distracted. Don’t dis poop’s troop.
Señor Squash: Who doesn’t admire an egotistical mini-douche who gets to play under a desk in his daddy’s office all day and then stand on an empty Grey Goose carton and score chicks who’re smokin’ hot but dumber than a sack of used ferret litter? I don’t, for one. That’s why POOPALOOMPA gets my vote.
The Donger: Out of all these pieces of crap in the toilet bowl of life, Poopaloompa is the only one you should call your doctor about. Poop FTW.
Wedgie: Poopaloompa for the win. Not just because orange is the color of victory, but because he is, to use his own words, a “handsome devil”. And by devil, I mean “one who must be eradicated”.
Skid: Poopaloompa gets my vote. He actually gives poo a bad name. Soccer mom hott (not) should know better but really hates her ex-husband. Charleez has the best boobies.
El Caganer: The others have hotter hotts by far, but the Poopster bathes in Sunkist Soda. His hott is not, but anyone with Poopa should induce rage.
Douche shower and shave: Strong group of rectal refuse here. The stench that this group gives off makes unborn children weep and curse the world they have yet to enter. The toxic trash that is the Poopa must have this win. His tangerine skin oozes infected pus. Poopa FTW.
Expertly sliced, ‘Bag Hunters and Huntresses. Normally hott and choad require meaning. With Poopa, rules are bent and physics laws are destroyed. But lets not forget The Bagpoleon and his #2, Bagpoleon strikes back.
Casey D: Josephine is the epitome of bleethed-out hott, and Bagpolean the embodiment of all that is douche. They’ve opened their mouths to removed all doubt, and for that, it would be a crime to deprive them of their rightly earned monthly. Besides, I would like to call Bagpolean to congratulate him personally. And by congratulate, I mean pretend to be a debt collector offering to forget about the unpaid credit card bills in exchange for one night with Josephine’s nail file.
Anonymous: Bagpolean FTW. I was ready to give it to Cheez on account of his hott, but I scoped her slightly tatted boob in pic 3. She gets downgraded to baguette, and Bagpolean slides into #1.
J Bone: I have to go with Bagpoleon FTW. He proved himself to be a douche of the highest caliber with a comment thread in the same vein as illustrious poo-mavens Fishslap and the Donk. Poompa for Orangiest Orange, but not for one the 12 most scrotastic super-puds of the year.
Justin: It is a combination of the hottest hott with one of the sickest bodies since the hourglass, and ‘polean’s comments in the thread. What a fucking douche.
Well said team. If he hadn’t opened his egotistic mouth, I’m convinced the dialectic of Bagpoleon/Josephine would’ve won. Coming in a sad and forgotten third, the Cheez, who deserved better. And by better, I mean more mock:
Scooby Douche: Charleez, you are hot chick, and you are with big douchbag. Poor Charleez, come back into the light and let me rub healing medicated cream all over your nooks and crannies.
Jacques Doucheteau: Charleez is a creamy piece of dulce de leche just waiting to be unwrapped and sucked on. I would kick a prepubescent Congolese rape victim in the throat just for the chance to have my head dunked in the same toilet used by Jason, the tire tech who fixed the flat on Charleez’s Durango
Sergeant Scrote Stain: Cheez FTW. The mere fact that he is touching Charleez via skin to skin contact is a crime against humanity, hell, the birth of Cheez alone violated the Geneva Code. The Cheez brings what the others cannot: a lengthy criminal record and a hott with two meat melons worth all the gold of ancient Arabia.
eltango: cheez is a primordial neanderthal poo with a strong instinctual grasp on the concept of hot boobies. he is basic douche with a ph level of 14 and charleez’s boobs eat a hole right through…well…they just eat a hole. delta cheez!
ehcuodouche: There’s no substitute for real Cheez. Four pictures and he delivers classic 100% American douchebag in every one. Now he can head back to the service station with pride and fix my damn transmission. I’ll keep Charleez inner thigh properly suckled while he’s away.
And poor Barrowbag. Such a douche. So forgotten. Even with A-List quality suckle thigh, Alana.
The once and future douche: Being a member of the fairer sex, when I have previously voted for HCwDB, it has always been based on the strength (and by strength I mean poo) of the douche in question. Barrowbag’s Alana has made me see the light. I would lovingly hand wash her shorts in a sink full of Woolight for dark clothing (so I don’t ruin them, of course, we ladies know these things) before awkwardly shoving my foot into her boots when she takes them off after a long night of go-go dancing. I would also sc
issor with her. Hard.
Although that aroused me, we have to get back to work. The Orange Poop was too much. Even with only Jane, he crushed his competitors and booked a ticket to the Yearly. Lets let Mike take us home:
Anyhow, the Monthly Winner and recipient of the Lopsided Chalice of Immortal Scorn is none other than the dastardly Poopaloompa. No male stipper before or since has so perfectly melded the sheen of an overripe tomato with the Lorenzo Lamas scowl, Disney boy band hair, and Dr. Strange chin pube configuration. The brocade of average Midwestern housewives confirm to me the male stripper occupation. Nowhere else would we see such a configuration except for the Iowa bachelorette party circuit.
Even with b-level hottness, the Poopa proves the power of superdouche can carry dialectic. And I’m okay with that. Poopa for the Yearly. And the DB1 for Corn Pops.
HCwDB of the Week: The 'Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine
In a hearty contest in which we linguistically dissected choad and boobies like a cracked up sushi chef, the winning coupling of the ‘Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine was too much skin to ignore.
The voters speak:
Tony Ventresca: I choose Bagpoleon & Josephine due to his extreme overcompensating little man complex and her incredible hottness (even if she is sucking in her tummy).
Whoop-di-douche: It is exceedingly difficult to decide which is the most stunning: her Top-Drawer-Smiling-Perfect-Figure Hotness or his Fedora-Not-Top-Hat-Neck-Blinged-Double-Reveal: Abs AND Groin-Shave.
Dr. DB: Why Josephine must you get so close to the little man with the low pants? Bagpolean FTW, and by win I mean a short and smelly loss for Josephines dad.
One for the Choad: Ooh, tough choice this week. Pudwick is most a worthy candidate, but I have to go with Bagpolean ftw, because his hott is makes me think of cheesecake and kittens.
Wedgie: Baggie for the weekly. GSR is a pet peeve of mine; only women should be allowed to get Brazilian bikini waxes.
noobbag: Waxed chest is an easily displayed scrotrait, but the GSR takes it to a whole new level. May Bagpolean put the razor to better use in the nether region and self-castrate. Bagpole FTW.
“Lesbian Thermos” Ernie Tubesock: Bagpoleon looks like the star of Rick Moranis’ new joint: “Honey, I Shrunk Lou Ferigno”. Bagpoleon wins but loses in life.
Mr. Scrotato Head: Billy Barty once said “The general public thinks all little people are in circuses or sideshows. We have doctors, nurses, just about every field covered.” That’s right Billy. Short people have dreams. They go to college, get married, have careers, raise families. Unfortunately somebody forgot to tell Bagpoleon. Congratulations, now Douchebag can officially be added to the list of societal obstacles little people have so courageously ovecome.
riverdouche: josephine is quite simply one of the hottest women posted on this site(even the kanye shades don’t bother me), and bagpoleon certainly holds his own. wee man and her hips for the win.
J bone: Shaved groin? Check. Stupid plastic sunglasses? Check. Jesus bling, fedora and giant watch? Check, check and check. And she has a stomach I would eat breakfast, lunch and dinner off of while furiously fwoping.
BallsDeep: a microcosm of the loveliest flowers and douche-pollen, the sunrays glinting off her baconstrip body and oily delicious juices and her forced smile that shows the rest of us onlookers that there is still hope.
jonezy: Bagpolean FTW, because we all win when Josephine is re-posted repeatedly.
DarkSock: I must cast my ballot for The Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine because 1. She is hotter than fresh cat poo in a microwave and 2. Little Bags are the worst offenders. They try harder, because they have to. No hott fantasizes about 68’ing.
Captain Bringdown: There is no reason outside of cancer surgery for a grown man to have his groin shaven and placed on display. Tack on the probably spindly Daffy Duck legs that accompany so many upper body queens and this guy becomes, like Corky before him, a living reminder that eugenics is not always a bad idea. Poor Josephine has to wear welding goggles so she isn’t blinded by the glare off his front porch.
An excellent round of linguistic ‘bag mock and hot lust, gold stars for all. And then there was Truckstop Pudwick:
Mr. Bungle: Truckstop Pudwick and Shana are the winners (?) this week. First of all, don’t point at me Thomas Haden Douche. Your love for Ed Hardy and ironic tats have no business touching my future ex-wife Shana or “Danica Patrihott” Its my job to rub cocoa butter on her muffin ass after a day at the races.
Medusa Oblongata: Trucker Pud FTW and by tht I mean Flatbed Truck Wash. And a kick in the nads besides.
nopepr: Truckstop Pud. If there was ever someone I wanted to buy a truck and hit with it it’s that pud. I’m still angry from seeing that a week ago.
Archidouchies: I’m gonna have to go with the sloppy drunkenness and traditional pointing of the out of work Patrick Swayze stunt double and his sultry, tight dress wearing lady that inspires thoughts of black jack tacos.
Burning Giraffe: It’s sad to think that Truckstop Pudwick once had the ambition of a being a singer/songwriter for the Freecreditreport.com band only to experience the reality of being shivved in a prison bathroom.
The blessed Scrotini: Truckstop Pudwick FTW. Sure, he IS the most obvious ‘bag to point out in a group so it’d be hard to miss him – even in a room FULL of ‘bags. But that is also what makes him my choice. I believe even his pinky fingers whisper douchebag in the ears of every man he meets. As far as Shana goes, she would be welcome to be a model for a sculpture I would create if I had any artistic talent in that form. And as such hers is none to argue about.
And the ginormous watch of the Big Ben ‘Bag and his two lovely ladies, including the Holy White Triangle, also found support:
Gee Forgé: Holy White Triangle and Brunette Jenna Jameson for the Hall. Holy white makes orphan children attempting to flee Darfur giggle with joy at the beauty and promise of the world. She makes illegal fundamentalist jewish settlers and hamas extremists break into leaping high-fives and face to face motorboat mimicking. That is the potency of her transcendental majesty. That and her patooty tastes like organic licorice.
Patrick: My Vote goes to The Big Ben ‘Bag. His hotts are unreal. I would caress their right arms ever so slightly, just enough to bring up goosebumps and then I would hurry away in a 5th grade bit of “She looked at me” style Embarrasment.
dbBen: Big Ben Bag. He just cut me off in his 350Z.
Big Bag Bag had enough power-hott to win an average week, but this week was too stocked with hott and choad for him to compete. So we turn it over to El Caganer to take us home:
My vote goes to Bagpoleon. He has spent years in the gym working on his overdeveloped abs. This shows his committment. He is also an early adopter of the groin shave reveal. That needs to be stopped. No one wants to see that junk. Josephine is a true beauty and has taken the place of Francine in a number of fantasies that are unspeakable. Bagpoleon has the hottest hott and that is always enough for my vote.
Well said, El C. Well said indeed. All four couplings of gnaw-hott and crap-on-a-stick have been selected for the Monthly on Monday. The groin shaven metaphysical gun is cocked and loaded.
Good work, people. Now lets all eat some sugar cereal. And by sugar cereal, I mean Frosted Flakes.
HCwDB of the Week: The ‘Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine
In a hearty contest in which we linguistically dissected choad and boobies like a cracked up sushi chef, the winning coupling of the ‘Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine was too much skin to ignore.
The voters speak:
Tony Ventresca: I choose Bagpoleon & Josephine due to his extreme overcompensating little man complex and her incredible hottness (even if she is sucking in her tummy).
Whoop-di-douche: It is exceedingly difficult to decide which is the most stunning: her Top-Drawer-Smiling-Perfect-Figure Hotness or his Fedora-Not-Top-Hat-Neck-Blinged-Double-Reveal: Abs AND Groin-Shave.
Dr. DB: Why Josephine must you get so close to the little man with the low pants? Bagpolean FTW, and by win I mean a short and smelly loss for Josephines dad.
One for the Choad: Ooh, tough choice this week. Pudwick is most a worthy candidate, but I have to go with Bagpolean ftw, because his hott is makes me think of cheesecake and kittens.
Wedgie: Baggie for the weekly. GSR is a pet peeve of mine; only women should be allowed to get Brazilian bikini waxes.
noobbag: Waxed chest is an easily displayed scrotrait, but the GSR takes it to a whole new level. May Bagpolean put the razor to better use in the nether region and self-castrate. Bagpole FTW.
“Lesbian Thermos” Ernie Tubesock: Bagpoleon looks like the star of Rick Moranis’ new joint: “Honey, I Shrunk Lou Ferigno”. Bagpoleon wins but loses in life.
Mr. Scrotato Head: Billy Barty once said “The general public thinks all little people are in circuses or sideshows. We have doctors, nurses, just about every field covered.” That’s right Billy. Short people have dreams. They go to college, get married, have careers, raise families. Unfortunately somebody forgot to tell Bagpoleon. Congratulations, now Douchebag can officially be added to the list of societal obstacles little people have so courageously ovecome.
riverdouche: josephine is quite simply one of the hottest women posted on this site(even the kanye shades don’t bother me), and bagpoleon certainly holds his own. wee man and her hips for the win.
J bone: Shaved groin? Check. Stupid plastic sunglasses? Check. Jesus bling, fedora and giant watch? Check, check and check. And she has a stomach I would eat breakfast, lunch and dinner off of while furiously fwoping.
BallsDeep: a microcosm of the loveliest flowers and douche-pollen, the sunrays glinting off her baconstrip body and oily delicious juices and her forced smile that shows the rest of us onlookers that there is still hope.
jonezy: Bagpolean FTW, because we all win when Josephine is re-posted repeatedly.
DarkSock: I must cast my ballot for The Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine because 1. She is hotter than fresh cat poo in a microwave and 2. Little Bags are the worst offenders. They try harder, because they have to. No hott fantasizes about 68’ing.
Captain Bringdown: There is no reason outside of cancer surgery for a grown man to have his groin shaven and placed on display. Tack on the probably spindly Daffy Duck legs that accompany so many upper body queens and this guy becomes, like Corky before him, a living reminder that eugenics is not always a bad idea. Poor Josephine has to wear welding goggles so she isn’t blinded by the glare off his front porch.
An excellent round of linguistic ‘bag mock and hot lust, gold stars for all. And then there was Truckstop Pudwick:
Mr. Bungle: Truckstop Pudwick and Shana are the winners (?) this week. First of all, don’t point at me Thomas Haden Douche. Your love for Ed Hardy and ironic tats have no business touching my future ex-wife Shana or “Danica Patrihott” Its my job to rub cocoa butter on her muffin ass after a day at the races.
Medusa Oblongata: Trucker Pud FTW and by tht I mean Flatbed Truck Wash. And a kick in the nads besides.
nopepr: Truckstop Pud. If there was ever someone I wanted to buy a truck and hit with it it’s that pud. I’m still angry from seeing that a week ago.
Archidouchies: I’m gonna have to go with the sloppy drunkenness and traditional pointing of the out of work Patrick Swayze stunt double and his sultry, tight dress wearing lady that inspires thoughts of black jack tacos.
Burning Giraffe: It’s sad to think that Truckstop Pudwick once had the ambition of a being a singer/songwriter for the Freecreditreport.com band only to experience the reality of being shivved in a prison bathroom.
The blessed Scrotini: Truckstop Pudwick FTW. Sure, he IS the most obvious ‘bag to point out in a group so it’d be hard to miss him – even in a room FULL of ‘bags. But that is also what makes him my choice. I believe even his pinky fingers whisper douchebag in the ears of every man he meets. As far as Shana goes, she would be welcome to be a model for a sculpture I would create if I had any artistic talent in that form. And as such hers is none to argue about.
And the ginormous watch of the Big Ben ‘Bag and his two lovely ladies, including the Holy White Triangle, also found support:
Gee Forgé: Holy White Triangle and Brunette Jenna Jameson for the Hall. Holy white makes orphan children attempting to flee Darfur giggle with joy at the beauty and promise of the world. She makes illegal fundamentalist jewish settlers and hamas extremists break into leaping high-fives and face to face motorboat mimicking. That is the potency of her transcendental majesty. That and her patooty tastes like organic licorice.
Patrick: My Vote goes to The Big Ben ‘Bag. His hotts are unreal. I would caress their right arms ever so slightly, just enough to bring up goosebumps and then I would hurry away in a 5th grade bit of “She looked at me” style Embarrasment.
dbBen: Big Ben Bag. He just cut me off in his 350Z.
Big Bag Bag had enough power-hott to win an average week, but this week was too stocked with hott and choad for him to compete. So we turn it over to El Caganer to take us home:
My vote goes to Bagpoleon. He has spent years in the gym working on his overdeveloped abs. This shows his committment. He is also an early adopter of the groin shave reveal. That needs to be stopped. No one wants to see that junk. Josephine is a true beauty and has taken the place of Francine in a number of fantasies that are unspeakable. Bagpoleon has the hottest hott and that is always enough for my vote.
Well said, El C. Well said indeed. All four couplings of gnaw-hott and crap-on-a-stick have been selected for the Monthly on Monday. The groin shaven metaphysical gun is cocked and loaded.
Good work, people. Now lets all eat some sugar cereal. And by sugar cereal, I mean Frosted Flakes.
