Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Clint Asswood

Something about Porkpie’s gaze looks like Clint Eastwood somewhere after Dirty Harry but before he was driving cross country with an Orangutan.

Hang in there, DJ Clint von Petty. The small brushfire behind you should take care of things in a moment.

Maria von Hott has a bit of that stern taskmaster look which always sort of scares me. The type who would psychologically tear me down until I went all Stockholm Patty Hearst and robbed a bank in a ski-mask to pay for her Botox.

Dammit. I’m making no sense today. Time for a coffee.

Choad Salad

Pass the Oil and Vinegar.

Here’s the Choad Salad pic I had up last nite when Blogger was crapping out.

Now that’s a quality and well balanced serving of the Rubber Band Chow Yun Fat in Bullet in the Head Lips Douche, your standard issue Stubble Vegas Turd, and two delightful servings of vino.

Note ubiquitous red cup stopped by to say hi.

As did requisite hat tilt and dog-tags on the one-pack.

Also, after the punishment Leelee Sobieski took in the Orange pic, I’ve remedied the situation as best I could.

The Homie Pirates

While the couple dancing is annoying, check out the two Homie Pirates in the background, head bobbing approvingly.

Until the music takes hold of one.

And he must dance.

Smile, You're Orange

The History of the Orange:

Sour varieties of oranges have been cultivated since well before the Middle Ages, the sweet ones appearing only in the 15th Century.

From Southern Asia, the orange spread to Syria, Persia, Italy, Spain and Portugal, and then on a voyage of Columbus, to the West Indies.

Spanish explorers took it to Florida and Spanish missionaries took it to California, where it took root among oily douchewanks and club going choads.

EDIT: Picture “Fixed”

Hattica!! Hattica!!

The Hatbags sandwiching the fantastic retro 1980s Playboy Hott bring two questions to mind.

1. Why bother with a shirt if you’re simply going to do the ab lift?

2. Does the Underwear Poke Maneuver always rising between 1.5-2.5 inches above jean-level simulate actual climate change?

Silver belt may be ridiculous, but it hugs the huggiest hips this side of a Malaysian waterfall. She is a roots showing main course of perfectibility. I would nuzzle her armpits like a dyslexic anteater.

Ask DB1: Forehead Grease

—-
Dear DB1,

-SteveX
—-

To answer your question Steve, I sent samples from four foreheads featured in the Hall of Scrote to the HCwDB Hudsucker Industries Labs in Brisbane, Australia. Here’s what came back:

Average chemical breakdown of HCwDB Forehead Grease Samples:

47% – Human sweat
14% – L.A. Looks “You Got the Look!” Extra Hold Hair Gel
12% – Axe Bodyspray dried and crusted residue
11% – Jessica Simpson Late Night Infomercial Acne Cream
7% – The Ethereal Douche Spirit
4% – Pleather
2% – Night Fever Musk from 2002
1% – Herp Sore Virus #5263B
.41% – Mascara
.23% – “The Mark of the ‘Bag”
.18% – Herp Sore Virus #1252C
.12% – Grey Goose Distilled Vapors
.04% – Lindsey Lohan

Wednesday Limerick

There was once was a playa named Bert,
With lines of dialogue written on his shirt.
A dancer named Suze,
Thought, “He’s as fruity as Cruise,”
But, like with Katie Holmes, he’s got dirt.

Honorary Douchebag of the Month: Eric Bauman from Ebaum's World

Some total assface named Eric “Ebaum” Bauman who runs a site called Ebaum’s World actually stole the basic idea of my site for a bit. Without giving me a credit. Pretty ridiculous.

Not only that, he used 25 pics from the site and ran them on “ebaum’s world” under the title Hot Chicks with Ass Hats.

Classy.

I’ve had pics and bits grabbed and used by tons of sites, but so long as they gave me a credit, I was fine with it. Even TMZ gave my site a credit after starting up a “Douchebag of the Week.”

So here’s to you, Ebaum. Too cool to give a simple credit. Just rewrite the title of my site.

You are a douchebag without hot chick.

May your nuts get roasted on an open fire.

Orangeman and Froby

Perhaps this pic doesn’t fulfill all the obligations of the dual requirements for both Hot Chick and Douchebag. I’ll leave it to you to figure out what is missing.

But I believe the question “Got MILF?” was first posited by Nietzsche in his book, “Also Sprach Zaradouchebag.”

So there was no way I wasn’t posting OrangeMan and Froby.

Smirk it Up, Longface

Which is classier?

The gold tights, the glove, the boob grab douche maneuver or the fact Young Sally Kellerman appears to be fondling his raisins?