Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDB of the Week: He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks

Due to yesterday’s traffic spike and subsequent technical fixes, I’m a day late figuring out the Weekly. But let there be no doubt. He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks and his inebriated girl are landslide victors.

This is one of those rare HCwDB winners in which the hottie/douchey viscerality was far outweighed by the power of the scrote’s writing.

Here’s just a taste of his genius scat poetry:

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first off bitch I aint white..second off I ain’t payin for no sex I rather buy a rolex…I like blondes, tanned bitches, brunettes..meh..yah meh..haters not welcome…gold diggers and stuck up bitches take a hike…I definitely don’t have time for people who don’t got time for me…I’m not down to earth..think of me as a bastard that can only please you sexually…I got mad money but I don’t tell anyone…simply don’t be messing that pleasure business s@#t together know what I mean? Or as camron says “ya dig?”
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You can read the full entries of HJBBaD’s scrotal raps here and here.

As Scrotocaster puts it in the comments thread:

He Just Bangs Bitches And Drinks is not merely a douche. He is a mindset. He is an action. He is what drives us all to fits of rage.

Very true, SC, and well said. To understand this pic, we must journey away from the visceral psychoanalytic effect, what Roland Barthes calls The Punctum, and factor in the words, the text, the pic’s “voice” if you will, of this heaping scrotepile.

The everpresent anonymous sums up the outsider art aesthetic that dominates HJBBaD’s verbiage:

He just bangs bitches and drinks. A thousand monkeys typing for a thousand years couldn’t achieve his literary genius. What else is there to say? BANG ON BRA! (and drink)

Exactly, Anon. clementine of cappadoucha agrees:

There is no contest in this competition. HJBBaD takes it. What would normally be a third-shift stockboy Bag/Not Bag is made a Hall of Scrote contender with his primeval douche-commentary. He is the Stealth Douce. The Douche you don’t see coming … The douche in the night. This chodesniffer may well be Joey P. 2008!

But harry scroter makes the point that we should not let the visuals slip as our primary guide to hott/douche wrongness, and casts a dissenting vote:

this site is HOT Chicks with Douchebags. Any douche can be a douche, but the criteria is to be paired with a hott, not a random.

Uphold the principles of this site. Private School Hott for the win.

Strong argument, H.S., but every so often a unique asswipe comes along. HJBBaD is that asswpie.

The Unneccesary Point came in a distant third, with kingcityguruDouche summing up the boobpeal:

I vote for Pointy McBoob as the breast point is one of the secret moves of the douche much like the ancient Ninjas and their “touch of death.”

But it’s HJBBaD all the way. As the following commenters make the argument:

double x douche writes: HJBBAD, because it takes skill to unnerve me to the point of refusing to read more than your first sentence of self-douche proclamation. But, bitches, he ain’t white, and for that, he gets my vote.

douche equis: writes: HJBBAD — proof that douchiness inside, if you’re dumb enough to leave reams of evidence of it on the Internet, is just as telling as douchiness outside.

muddy swirl writes: HJBBAD … yes reread … HJBBAD … reread … many fish in the sea … but one HJBBAD …

evil otto writes: HJBBAD. He is legend.

And the everpresent anonymous sums it all up: A thousand words are worth a picture. HJBBAD all the way.

And so we face an epic HCwDB of the Month on Monday. Four Weekly Winners will enter. Only one can couple can reign supreme.

But for now, lets give HJBBaD and his drunken girl their victory cigars. Repeat… lets give HJBBaD and his drunken girl their victory cigars. Like tough, unchewable steak, they have come out on top.