Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDB of the Week: The Smearkat

In a week in which real Vegas confrontations are taking place over the scrotefame created by being a toxic phlegm on HCwDB, how can a mere HCwDB of the Week vote compete?

Well that’s easy. Boobs.

ron douchegay explains:

my vote is for The Smearkat because those bOObs are fantastically and utterly hyponotizing.. and he deserves fire ants to sting ‘nads mercilessly

Well said, RD. I agree with the many who argue for naturality of boobosity as worthy of extra special attention. And by attention, I mean baby oil. Also, bringing the fire-ants-to-the-nads move is a nice play. scare-a-douche agrees:

The Smearkat looks toxic. An unbottoned shirt with a half-assed tie, enough grease to lubricate the axles of an eighteen wheeler, and he seems to be making kissy faces at someone behind and to the left of the Hott. Oh my the Hott. I want to wear her crotch on my face like a feed bag.

The feedbag-crotch analogy may have lacked the romantic subtlety of, oh, say, Petrarch. But we’ll go with it.

But a solid second were Kelly Hott and The Paw, who could definitely be a dark horse in the running for a year end 2008 Douchie nomination. In which category, you ask? weisenheimer brainstorm suggests a new one:

Kelly FTW. Because I want to see that stretched star shirt again in the monthly.

Best Stretched Star Shirt may indeed be a category in this year’s Douchies. But I could sadly see some write-in votes for Bra in that category.

And eric reminds us of the classic Jersey toxicity of ‘Bagwatch Nights:

1 vote for bagwatch nights. he’s wearing socks and sneakers to the beach so you know he has no plans of getting in the water, couple that with the obtuse and angle that he chose to spread his legs.his inseam is under some intense stretching pressure and he loves it, he thrives on it. his dog-tag is of the douche-degree. the kind that is blank in the middle and lined with shiny metal on the outside, the worst kind. but don’t tell him i said all this..those are his boys in the back

Very well argued, E. And let it bleeth concurs:

i cannot watch the bag, night, day or twilight. black velcro shoes, white parachute shorts, in addition to all the might in his right hand he can muster to suppress the toothless barracuda. i would play beach blanket bingo with the b boys in the backround just to snort the sand off of kari’s pinky toe.

But Smearkat and his perfect hott’s curves were too much. tea-baggen-douche explains:

It has to be the Smearkat. As noted above I concur with all reasons as to why corn-fed-home grown-hella-boobie-hot is positively luscious. Oh and yes he’s a real twat.

And lets go to dew the douche for the final exclamation point:

smearkat, no question. He’s a steaming pile of scrote. He doesn’t deserve to scrub her bathroom floors. Gotta remember the hott factor here, DB1: i’m sure many like myself are enraged at the site of this pic. She and him? I guess there is no God.

And so they take the first of the four slots in the next Monthly. Give them a round of applause. And by round of applause I mean…

Oh screw the analogy. Tatas.