Holiday

    Monday, February 17, 2014

    Happy Presidents Day!

    18026

    Like a lost Vegas tourist caught passing behind an HCwDB disaster in mid trainwreck, your humble narrator is back in sunny Los Angeles.

    A week well spent on the snowy East Coast.

    Lots of pizza and burgers were consumed. Drinks were imbibed. Diapers changed.

    Firing up some new pics for this week so we can get our mock on again. For those of you caught in yet another snowstorm, alls I can offer is this humble soliloquy.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, January 1, 2014

    Happy 2014!!

    MackTheNozzle

    Happy New Year!!

    May all of your wildest dreams come true in 2014.

    And may the douchenozzles macking on the hotts continue to be shunned and mocked by an evolving society that can and must know better.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, December 25, 2013

    Merry Christmas! Now Look At This Pic And Realize Life Is Worthless and Devoid of Meaning

    photo (14)

    There is no Santa.

    Only Zuul.

    And by Zuul, I mean melonic tatinicas.

    Boobs.

    Yankees suck.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, December 24, 2013

    Merry Christmas From HCwDB!!

    A little nostalgia clip as this was also the band that played my Bar Mitzvah back in the late 1980s.

    Needless to say, Grandma Ida was not amused.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, November 28, 2013

    Happy Thanks-hannukah!!

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    To celebrate this odd pairing of turkey and gefilte fish, I thought I’d seek out the least Jewish image I could find on the internets.

    Musclebros and Party Chicks in mid pose outta do that trick.

    Either that, or this one.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, October 31, 2013

    Happy Halloween!!

    BeAfraid

    Boo!!

    I refer, of course, to
    < ------

    An atrocity wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by a toxic coating of grease, slime, and inflated skin cells.

    Your humb narrs is drunk on rice mead and my daughter is a strawberry.

    Happy Halloween!!

    Monday, September 2, 2013

    Kettlehead Says Happy Labor Day!

    KettleheadWithoutKettle

    HCwDB semi-legend Kettlehead has ditched the Kettle atopst his head to simply become… Head.

    However, the douchal ‘brow remains in full effect.

    As is the power to attract slutty bar hotts named Kelly.

    Happy Labor Day to all long time ‘bag hunters! Your humb narrs just celebrated the one-month anniversary of this strange creature who has entered my home and demanded care. Sleep is not to be had.

    So priorities have shifted around here.

    But douchebags still annoy. Like this unworldly gang of barely pubescent pudwacks.

    And with my unwittingly Bleethy protege, Snooki, now firmly ensconced in popular culture on the upcoming Dancing with the Stars, my penance is not yet done.

    EDIT: More classic Kettlehead HCwDB here, here, here, and here.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, July 4, 2013

    Happy July 4th!!

    Yo

    From all of us here at HCwDB.

    And by all of us, I mean me, an Adderalled DarkSock, and your Saturday Wallnuts After Dark.

    And greasy hair Sleve Tatt Steve and the Milfy Hott Fantasy you had about your best friend’s mom in sixth grade.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, May 27, 2013

    Happy and Pensive Memorial Day…

    images

    Today is Memorial Day. And so we honor the fallen. As Charles Blow reminds us, Memorial Day was created by freed slaves in honor of those who died fighting for the Union.

    Let us take a moment and remember those who fell in all wars. But especially those idiotic and unnecessary wars. Which are most of them. Honor their memory today as I will. By mocking the shit out of anyone who argues to start even more wars so they can feel better about their small peepee or lack of sex life in high school.

    Enough. No more sending young kids to die so old people can avoid the existential crisis of their own mortality. No more fake old men waving a flag.

    War is tragedy as performance art. Entertainment for the lizard brain. Gothic horror performed solely to create emotive catharsis in the masses that gather to witness the spectacle to purge their own demons, rage, and hatred. From Roman gladiators to the MMA, the need to witness the blood purge is primal, impossibly strong, and hardwired into our animal DNA. But it is also that most primitive and vile tie to the tribal affiliations of our primate history. Enlightenment comes not by indulging these basest of instincts, but by acknowledging them and rejecting them. Douchebags preen as muscled up and oiled simian primitives to attract a mate for the same reason old people cheer on the young as they march into slaughter under cover of a flag. For both, the need for the spectacle of the impossibility of youth on display is the same. But war is the distillation of how this paradox ends only in tragedy, destruction, and waste. It is only in purging this desire through recognition, awareness, and maturation that true catharsis awaits. Recent American history is shameful. We can, and must, do better.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, March 25, 2013

    Happy Passover!!

    50

    HC1 and I will be celebrating our ancestral tradition by asking the four questions. I might even sing her a song.

    To my fellow Hebraics, enjoy your seder, and may all your jelly rings be chocolate. To the Christians among us who ask “what is Passover?” it’s like Easter. Only with less Jesus and more guilt.

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    # posted by douchebag1
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