RIP Patrick Swayze
A permanent memorial nottadouche (not that there was ever a doubt) to the great Johnny Castle, Bodhi and Wolverine Jed.
RIP.
Crabs McGee
Crabs McGee knew that there was only one thing missing from his pic with the gorgeous heiress, Minnie Von Shtup.
Groin shave.
Ashlee Discovers Oil
Sultry Brunette Ashlee, and her BFF Cindy, just wanted a drink.
Instead, they just received a 30 million dollar exploratory investment from B&P to continue drilling in the Chad Head Forrest.
Caption This Pic
Jeanette knew she’d seen Sydney’s chin pubes before, but couldn’t place which herp clinic they’d been featured in.
Honorary Douchebag of the Month: Kanye West
I’m getting a bunch of emails requesting we highlight Kayne West’s douchey behavior towards porn star Taylor Swift at the VMAs last night.
Apparently Kayne interrupted her award speech to announce that Beyonce should’ve won. Which is probably true.
But yeah, I suppose the desperate need for attention and swirly hair earn Kanye an Honorary Douchebag of the Month.
HCwDB of the Week
Your humble narrator, The DB1, is hungover and scruffy. Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Pepi Lepsy and Maid Marion
First popping eye in an HCwDB After Dark post, there was an early push by some readers in the threads to grant Pepi Lepsy a “nottadouche”.
No deal!
The Ben-Wa necklace, the creepy chest tat, the chin dribble chin pubes, the d-neck shirt, and the leather wristdanna? = douche.
And what of Marion?
So sweet. So curvy in the hindquarter.
Together, this coupling is more toxic than the sum of their parts.
And by parts, I mean punchable pop-face.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Hurt Licker
Echoing in the grand inglourious HCwDB tradition of the legendary Deathtongue, The Hurt Licker brings club skeeze caught in mid-act.
While the douche signifiers are minimal on H.L., the action is maximal scrote.
And what of Pouty Paula?
Hey hey Paula… I want to rub your kneecaps.
She is sexy and exotic and just annoyed enough by the Hurt Licker to provide hope that she sees through his greasy charms.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Hipsterbag
About time we brought a primal hottie/douchey archetype back into the game.
The Hipsterbag. First detailed in my book, The Hipsterbag is a prime category of alterna-scrote.
While aesthetically dissimilar to the classic Jerz Guid or Long Island Douche, the Hipsterbag brings his own set of tools to the hott macking game.
Hipsterbag bling. Hipsterbag hat. Hipsterbag glasses. Liev Schreiberbag is definitely about Manchurian these candidates.
And while Katie on the left is someone’s mom at the dance, little Leslie on the right is all sorts of pouty hipster-hott goodness.
(Dis)honorable mention to The Wrath, Hair Templeton (whom ‘bag hunter supreme Wheezer caught as a repeat douche from earlier this year), the Ridiculous Don King Douche during the Polly whine, which was a little too “Dress up” and not strong enough on the H.C. side to make it.
So them’s your three.
Which coupling most represents all that we fight against here at HCwDB?
Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.
The Douchiest Video of the Year: "Scooter"
Talentless shouting, loud early 90s techno and a cracked up editor. Close down the voting at the 2009 Douchie Awards. We have a winner.
The Douchiest Video of the Year: “Scooter”
Talentless shouting, loud early 90s techno and a cracked up editor. Close down the voting at the 2009 Douchie Awards. We have a winner.
Where's Waldouche?: Saturday Punchface Edition
Somewhere in this gaggle of sorority sisters with at least two quality sexy-trampy hotts, I’ve carefully hidden a Kissy Lips Punchface Waldouche.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Where’s Waldouche?: Saturday Punchface Edition
Somewhere in this gaggle of sorority sisters with at least two quality sexy-trampy hotts, I’ve carefully hidden a Kissy Lips Punchface Waldouche.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
