Thursday, April 22, 2010
Flex Luthor and Jennifer Gear up for Monday
With their toxic cohabitation of beefy orange guido and sexy coquettish blonde, Flex Luthor and Jennifer, are gearing up for Monday’s HCwDB of the Week.
First appearing on the site in Power Flex Mode, Luthor’s diabolical plot for World Domination involves Creatine, power bars, and watching MMA matches at “Bob’s Watering Hole” off I-85.
Definitely the early favorites. But as Jed the Creepy Wankscrote showed, never underestimate the power of Creeper Douche to take down classic Jerz Pud.
You sir, have Great New York Boobs.
More Jennifer , please
That watch outweighs his brain.
.
3 times over.
At the risk of exposing myself to the ridicule of the doucheverse, I’m saying notta on this guy. No bling, no hat tilt, no silly tats (at least visible here), no mandana, no kissy lips, no stupid hand gesture. Hell, not even using URC. A bit short on the self esteem and brains, and compensates by pumping, but that, in my humble opinion, is not douche.
I could hang with this dude. Wouldn’t be much in the way of philisophical or political discussion, but probably likes the Jets. And I would take sloppy seconds on the lovely Jen.
He is all douche and $200 fake Rolex with shiny clothes. How did this sweet young Georgia peach get stung by this bee? She is cherry blossom and the smell of Augusta National magnolia springtime. He has maggots in his flesh from the injection postules and overpowers her beauty with the odor of his hair wax.
And so it begins…..
His goal in life is to be unable to walk through single doors.
Jed Rules!
He is so wide that she has to sit with her head out the window.
Pretty sure they use the same line of cosmetics. She just didn’t stock up on the spray tanner when Walgreen’s had the big sale.
He is so wide she has to wipe his ass for him. With a pool skimmer.
He is so wide he has to jerk off with pool cues with rubber gloves tied to the ends.
He is so wide he has to drive to work in a convertible garbage truck.
He is so wide he got stuck in an on-ramp once.
He is so wide he has to sleep in his driveway.
He is so wide he has Ethiopians orbiting him.
He is so wide he has port and starboard assholes.
He is so wide he got shot at the club and the ambulance had to make two trips.
Is he wearing a belt, or is that a tow strap?
Douche in White Satin.
What’s the boredom curve during a conversation with this meatball? I’m thinking about 30-40 seconds I’m pretending my cell vibrated and I’m pantomiming ” I have to get this” and walking off.
Is that his actual jaw line, or did he just eat a boomerang?
Is that really his hand, or did someone fill a rubber glove with tapioca pudding?
Not every day you see a douche whose shirts are made of white satin bedsheets.
Wait. No. Isn’t that what the Klan wears?
Them bedsheets must be queen size. Haw!
Jennifer! Pull that hair back up, babe–I wanna see more forehead!
Mmmm, Jennifer… OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!
Oh, and that looks like fun, DarkSock, I think I’ll join in.
He’s so wide, he has to hire maids to get a proper bath.
He’s so wide, he’s barred from visiting the Grand Canyon lest he get stuck and fill it in.
He’s so wide he has to use a table as a barstool
He’s so wide he can’t clap
He’s so wide his nipples are in different time zones.
He’s so wide that he has Polar bears on the left shoulder and Emperor penguins on the right one.
He’s so wide that you can see geomagnetic reversals in his chest hairs. In fact he is the real inspiration for the theory of Tectonic drift – they just double checked with the Atlantic ridge.
remember the kurt russell movie ‘big trouble in little china?’ there was a guy (i think he was the god of thunder or something) who got so angry that he swelled up and exploded
i think that’s what’ll happen to this guy
He’s so wide, his shoulders have different zip codes.
He’s so wide he needs a passport to roll over in bed.
HIs grandma said she was going to retire to a double-wide in Florida, and he thought she was talking about him.
He’s so wide he has to be gate-checked for commuter flights.
He’s so wide he bleeds off excess swole and sells it to Stackhouse.
He’s so wide he has to fuck her through a culvert
He’s so wide his pecker is oblong in section
He’s so wide he has to close one eye to watch TV
He’s so wide the New Jersey State Interscholastic Athletic Association barred him from playing goalie on his high school hockey team.
He is so wide that he shit on a glacier in Iceland and wreaked havok with international air transport.
He is so wide that he was his own platoon.
He is so wide that I would need a hydrant filling my pool so he he didn’t cannonball the water out.
He is so wide that he needs a transport truck to get a lapdance.
He is so wide if he wants more cowbell he has to climb St.Peter’s Cathedral.
He is so wide that he needs a combine to cut his mother’s lawn.
He is so wide he had to go to a smelter in Pittsburgh to get his watchband.
He’s so wide Frank Herbert took one look at him and wrote the Dune series.
He’s so wide the written word tatt he’s having done across his back has grammatic differences between the left and right ends due to language shift.
He’s so wide they’re using his armspan as the rough draft of the superbridge they’re building between Mexico and Canada.
He’s so wide he can only get undies made at a circus tent factory.
He’s so wide he can see the back of his own head.
He’s so wide that iguanas are the only living thing that can see both of his shoulders when looking at him from straight on.
He’s a wider shade of fail.
He’s so wide his thorax is technically cantilevered between his shoulders.
He’s so wide that he was born with two parallel spines to support his rib cage.
He’s so wide that he can give Plinky’s mom an orgasm if he dives sideways and head first into her yawning womb.
He’s so wide that he has to append all of his pictures together to make it look like he fits in one frame.
He’s so wide that even Chad Kroeger’s head can’t see around his shoulders.
He’s so wide that it takes him eleven minutes to walk sideways through a turnstile.
To End the Haberdouchery’s point,
He’s so wide his portraits have to be taken on the landscape setting.
He’s so wide that when he goes to the tailor for his shiny shirts the tailor has to get out the tape in units of parsecs
He’s so wide that his shoulders are considered as independent planetary objects that orbit each other.
He’s so wide it’s physically impossible for him to ride a bike.
.
(I think I poached that one from one of DarkSock’s “he’s so fat” jokes.)
He’s so wide that all of his halloween costumes are variations on a square. Last year his friends were states and he had to dress up as Wyoming. The year before that he had to be the square for human tetris.
He just wanted to be the long skinny block that everyone always needs, poor meathead.
He’s so wide his hoola hoops were rhombus shaped.
He is so wide that Gustav Flaubert could have written Madame Bovary on is back with quill and india ink.
He is so wide that when he gets the gabagool stuck in his teeth he has to enter Celtic games to find a caber sized toothpick.
He is so wide that he has gained Pluto’s former status as the ninth planet. My head has become the largest of the dwarf planets with the astrological symbol NICKLEBACK 281-Chad. It can only be seen from backyard telescopes when I accept undeserved awards.
he’s so wide that there’s a mattress tag sticking out of his shoulder blade
He’s so wide the USDA does his tattoos in purple ink.
That guy’s is flexing so hard, its a wonder his sphincters are intact…
or the arteries in his neck…
or his sense of shame…
Henwasmgoing to be the Saints entire new defensive line after they grafted 11 extra swift Kenyan donor legs onto his assular region but then they realized they couldn’t fit him into the Superdome much less the team charter plane. They were going to market him as The Centipedophile because of his many legs and his love of children. Well I done started in with the crazy talk…chewed extended release ambien pull a good man dowwwn
He’s so wide, his hott uses him for a trampoline.
He’s so wide, three brides simultaneously used him for satin wedding gowns and tripped down his aisle.
He’s so wide, his fraternity used him for a waterslide on Grand Prix weekend.
He’s so white-wide, an entire nation ran him up a skyscraper to post a surrender flag.
He’s so wide, the entire Roman Senate ordered togas made from his shirt.
He’s so wide, the Tall Ships cast lots on his shirt for replacement sails.
he’s so wide, his left and right hands can’t touch each other.
he’s so wide, he has exceeded the biologically sustainable volume-to-surface area ratio for any living organism.
he’s so wide, he has never boarded a plane before. and if he has to travel across water, he would take up an entire container ship.
He’s so wide his skeleton has expansion joints
He’s so wide the angel and devil on his shoulders need cell phones
He’s so wide he has to take three trips through the revolving door just to get in
He’s so wide his ballsac looks like a distended bolo
He’s so wide you can’t see his ass due to gravitational lensing.
Is that really his torso, or did someone wrap a cow carcass up in the Argentinian flag?
He’s so wide he hears sound in one ear several seconds after he hears it in the other.
He’s so wide that his left ass check is several years older than his right.
He’s so wide that half of his scrotum is foreskin.
He’s so wide he can only drink out of a gravy boat
that Veronica Vaughn is one piece of AICE! I know from experience….
Nooo you don’t
Well a guy i know….him and her GOT IT ON, WHOOOA
no they didn’t
no, no they didn’t
Name the movie ya bunch of pusses!
@ SS Undies: Billy Madison…duh-huh
He’s so wide he has to sit in the rear at Drive-In movies
He’s so wide his baby pictures are in CinemaScope.
He’s so wide he hears sound in one ear several seconds after he hears it in the other.
@ SS Undies: Billy Madison…duh-huh
Flex is so wide he plays patty-cake with himself by reaching out sideways.
He’s so wide, the Rocky and Appalachian Mountains act as armrests for him.