Thursday, April 22, 2010

Flex Luthor and Jennifer Gear up for Monday

With their toxic cohabitation of beefy orange guido and sexy coquettish blonde, Flex Luthor and Jennifer, are gearing up for Monday’s HCwDB of the Week.

First appearing on the site in Power Flex Mode, Luthor’s diabolical plot for World Domination involves Creatine, power bars, and watching MMA matches at “Bob’s Watering Hole” off I-85.

Definitely the early favorites. But as Jed the Creepy Wankscrote showed, never underestimate the power of Creeper Douche to take down classic Jerz Pud.

# posted by douchebag1
10:50 am April, 22 End the Haberdouchery said...

You sir, have Great New York Boobs.

10:54 am April, 22 Vin Douchal said...

More Jennifer , please

10:56 am April, 22 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

That watch outweighs his brain.

.

3 times over.

11:10 am April, 22 Scooby Douche said...

At the risk of exposing myself to the ridicule of the doucheverse, I’m saying notta on this guy. No bling, no hat tilt, no silly tats (at least visible here), no mandana, no kissy lips, no stupid hand gesture. Hell, not even using URC. A bit short on the self esteem and brains, and compensates by pumping, but that, in my humble opinion, is not douche.

I could hang with this dude. Wouldn’t be much in the way of philisophical or political discussion, but probably likes the Jets. And I would take sloppy seconds on the lovely Jen.

11:26 am April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is all douche and $200 fake Rolex with shiny clothes. How did this sweet young Georgia peach get stung by this bee? She is cherry blossom and the smell of Augusta National magnolia springtime. He has maggots in his flesh from the injection postules and overpowers her beauty with the odor of his hair wax.

11:32 am April, 22 Scooby Douche said...

And so it begins…..

11:43 am April, 22 DarkSock said...

His goal in life is to be unable to walk through single doors.

11:53 am April, 22 Bag A said...

Jed Rules!

12:06 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide that she has to sit with her head out the window.

12:09 pm April, 22 Evil_Redheaded_Stepchild said...

Pretty sure they use the same line of cosmetics. She just didn’t stock up on the spray tanner when Walgreen’s had the big sale.

12:12 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He is so wide she has to wipe his ass for him. With a pool skimmer.

12:12 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He is so wide he has to jerk off with pool cues with rubber gloves tied to the ends.

12:18 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He is so wide he has to drive to work in a convertible garbage truck.

12:18 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He is so wide he got stuck in an on-ramp once.

12:19 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He is so wide he has to sleep in his driveway.

12:20 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He is so wide he has Ethiopians orbiting him.

12:20 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He is so wide he has port and starboard assholes.

12:21 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He is so wide he got shot at the club and the ambulance had to make two trips.

12:38 pm April, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Is he wearing a belt, or is that a tow strap?

12:39 pm April, 22 Whoop-di-douche said...

Douche in White Satin.

12:41 pm April, 22 Vin Douchal said...

What’s the boredom curve during a conversation with this meatball? I’m thinking about 30-40 seconds I’m pretending my cell vibrated and I’m pantomiming ” I have to get this” and walking off.

12:43 pm April, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Is that his actual jaw line, or did he just eat a boomerang?

12:47 pm April, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Is that really his hand, or did someone fill a rubber glove with tapioca pudding?

12:51 pm April, 22 Whoop-di-douche said...

Not every day you see a douche whose shirts are made of white satin bedsheets.

Wait. No. Isn’t that what the Klan wears?

1:02 pm April, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Them bedsheets must be queen size. Haw!

1:11 pm April, 22 Bagnonymous said...

Jennifer! Pull that hair back up, babe–I wanna see more forehead!

1:46 pm April, 22 Deltus said...

Mmmm, Jennifer… OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

Oh, and that looks like fun, DarkSock, I think I’ll join in.

He’s so wide, he has to hire maids to get a proper bath.

1:47 pm April, 22 Deltus said...

He’s so wide, he’s barred from visiting the Grand Canyon lest he get stuck and fill it in.

1:50 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide he has to use a table as a barstool

1:50 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide he can’t clap

2:00 pm April, 22 Scroteophobic said...

He’s so wide his nipples are in different time zones.

2:01 pm April, 22 Scroteophobic said...

He’s so wide that he has Polar bears on the left shoulder and Emperor penguins on the right one.

2:03 pm April, 22 Scroteophobic said...

He’s so wide that you can see geomagnetic reversals in his chest hairs. In fact he is the real inspiration for the theory of Tectonic drift – they just double checked with the Atlantic ridge.

2:05 pm April, 22 Condouchious say... said...

remember the kurt russell movie ‘big trouble in little china?’ there was a guy (i think he was the god of thunder or something) who got so angry that he swelled up and exploded

i think that’s what’ll happen to this guy

2:06 pm April, 22 Scooby Douche said...

He’s so wide, his shoulders have different zip codes.

2:07 pm April, 22 Scooby Douche said...

He’s so wide he needs a passport to roll over in bed.

2:08 pm April, 22 Scooby Douche said...

HIs grandma said she was going to retire to a double-wide in Florida, and he thought she was talking about him.

2:12 pm April, 22 End the Haberdouchery said...

He’s so wide he has to be gate-checked for commuter flights.

2:12 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide he bleeds off excess swole and sells it to Stackhouse.

2:12 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide he has to fuck her through a culvert

2:13 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide his pecker is oblong in section

2:13 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide he has to close one eye to watch TV

2:15 pm April, 22 End the Haberdouchery said...

He’s so wide the New Jersey State Interscholastic Athletic Association barred him from playing goalie on his high school hockey team.

3:19 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide that he shit on a glacier in Iceland and wreaked havok with international air transport.

3:20 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide that he was his own platoon.

3:21 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide that I would need a hydrant filling my pool so he he didn’t cannonball the water out.

3:22 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide that he needs a transport truck to get a lapdance.

3:32 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide if he wants more cowbell he has to climb St.Peter’s Cathedral.

3:33 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide that he needs a combine to cut his mother’s lawn.

3:34 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide he had to go to a smelter in Pittsburgh to get his watchband.

3:41 pm April, 22 Deltus said...

He’s so wide Frank Herbert took one look at him and wrote the Dune series.

3:42 pm April, 22 Deltus said...

He’s so wide the written word tatt he’s having done across his back has grammatic differences between the left and right ends due to language shift.

3:43 pm April, 22 Deltus said...

He’s so wide they’re using his armspan as the rough draft of the superbridge they’re building between Mexico and Canada.

3:44 pm April, 22 Deltus said...

He’s so wide he can only get undies made at a circus tent factory.

3:49 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide he can see the back of his own head.

3:57 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

He’s so wide that iguanas are the only living thing that can see both of his shoulders when looking at him from straight on.

3:58 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

He’s a wider shade of fail.

4:00 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

He’s so wide his thorax is technically cantilevered between his shoulders.

4:01 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

He’s so wide that he was born with two parallel spines to support his rib cage.

4:02 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

He’s so wide that he can give Plinky’s mom an orgasm if he dives sideways and head first into her yawning womb.

4:02 pm April, 22 End the Haberdouchery said...

He’s so wide that he has to append all of his pictures together to make it look like he fits in one frame.

4:03 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

He’s so wide that even Chad Kroeger’s head can’t see around his shoulders.

4:04 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

He’s so wide that it takes him eleven minutes to walk sideways through a turnstile.

4:04 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

To End the Haberdouchery’s point,

He’s so wide his portraits have to be taken on the landscape setting.

4:04 pm April, 22 End the Haberdouchery said...

He’s so wide that when he goes to the tailor for his shiny shirts the tailor has to get out the tape in units of parsecs

4:06 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

He’s so wide that his shoulders are considered as independent planetary objects that orbit each other.

4:07 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

He’s so wide it’s physically impossible for him to ride a bike.

.

(I think I poached that one from one of DarkSock’s “he’s so fat” jokes.)

4:07 pm April, 22 End the Haberdouchery said...

He’s so wide that all of his halloween costumes are variations on a square. Last year his friends were states and he had to dress up as Wyoming. The year before that he had to be the square for human tetris.

4:09 pm April, 22 End the Haberdouchery said...

He just wanted to be the long skinny block that everyone always needs, poor meathead.

4:16 pm April, 22 Crucial Head said...

He’s so wide his hoola hoops were rhombus shaped.

4:24 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide that Gustav Flaubert could have written Madame Bovary on is back with quill and india ink.

4:26 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide that when he gets the gabagool stuck in his teeth he has to enter Celtic games to find a caber sized toothpick.

4:45 pm April, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

He is so wide that he has gained Pluto’s former status as the ninth planet. My head has become the largest of the dwarf planets with the astrological symbol NICKLEBACK 281-Chad. It can only be seen from backyard telescopes when I accept undeserved awards.

5:57 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

he’s so wide that there’s a mattress tag sticking out of his shoulder blade

7:03 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide the USDA does his tattoos in purple ink.

8:35 pm April, 22 The_Postdouchster_General said...

That guy’s is flexing so hard, its a wonder his sphincters are intact…

or the arteries in his neck…

or his sense of shame…

9:16 pm April, 22 DarkSock said...

Henwasmgoing to be the Saints entire new defensive line after they grafted 11 extra swift Kenyan donor legs onto his assular region but then they realized they couldn’t fit him into the Superdome much less the team charter plane. They were going to market him as The Centipedophile because of his many legs and his love of children. Well I done started in with the crazy talk…chewed extended release ambien pull a good man dowwwn

10:33 pm April, 22 Whoop-di-douche said...

He’s so wide, his hott uses him for a trampoline.

10:35 pm April, 22 Whoop-di-douche said...

He’s so wide, three brides simultaneously used him for satin wedding gowns and tripped down his aisle.

10:36 pm April, 22 Whoop-di-douche said...

He’s so wide, his fraternity used him for a waterslide on Grand Prix weekend.

10:40 pm April, 22 Whoop-di-douche said...

He’s so white-wide, an entire nation ran him up a skyscraper to post a surrender flag.

10:41 pm April, 22 Whoop-di-douche said...

He’s so wide, the entire Roman Senate ordered togas made from his shirt.

10:43 pm April, 22 Whoop-di-douche said...

He’s so wide, the Tall Ships cast lots on his shirt for replacement sails.

11:05 pm April, 22 Steve L. said...

he’s so wide, his left and right hands can’t touch each other.

11:08 pm April, 22 Steve L. said...

he’s so wide, he has exceeded the biologically sustainable volume-to-surface area ratio for any living organism.

11:10 pm April, 22 Steve L. said...

he’s so wide, he has never boarded a plane before. and if he has to travel across water, he would take up an entire container ship.

7:00 am April, 23 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide his skeleton has expansion joints

7:01 am April, 23 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide the angel and devil on his shoulders need cell phones

7:01 am April, 23 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide he has to take three trips through the revolving door just to get in

7:02 am April, 23 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide his ballsac looks like a distended bolo

11:14 am April, 23 Jacques Doucheteau said...

He’s so wide you can’t see his ass due to gravitational lensing.

11:16 am April, 23 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Is that really his torso, or did someone wrap a cow carcass up in the Argentinian flag?

11:18 am April, 23 Jacques Doucheteau said...

He’s so wide he hears sound in one ear several seconds after he hears it in the other.

11:22 am April, 23 Jacques Doucheteau said...

He’s so wide that his left ass check is several years older than his right.

11:23 am April, 23 Jacques Doucheteau said...

He’s so wide that half of his scrotum is foreskin.

11:24 am April, 23 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide he can only drink out of a gravy boat

12:47 pm April, 23 shit-stained underpants said...

that Veronica Vaughn is one piece of AICE! I know from experience….

Nooo you don’t

Well a guy i know….him and her GOT IT ON, WHOOOA

no they didn’t

no, no they didn’t

Name the movie ya bunch of pusses!

2:28 pm April, 23 DarkSock said...

@ SS Undies: Billy Madison…duh-huh

2:28 pm April, 23 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide he has to sit in the rear at Drive-In movies

2:29 pm April, 23 DarkSock said...

He’s so wide his baby pictures are in CinemaScope.

7:52 pm April, 24 Patrick said...

He’s so wide he hears sound in one ear several seconds after he hears it in the other.

3:32 pm April, 25 Nick said...

@ SS Undies: Billy Madison…duh-huh

8:37 am April, 28 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Flex is so wide he plays patty-cake with himself by reaching out sideways.

7:10 pm April, 29 Douchesmoker said...

He’s so wide, the Rocky and Appalachian Mountains act as armrests for him.

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