Friday, September 3, 2010
Friday Haiku
Hungry Tendon Ted,
Mutant pea nip grease sandwich,
Sally still ‘rexic.
Pneumatic Meatpuds
An impotent scowl-a-thon
with Bimbo Light
— douches wild
Still hurts when I pee
Crotch shave will impress indeed
Stupid tats for me
— wonderdouche twin
Labor Day cookouts
bring threat of grease fires? Why is
the Kingsford oily?
— Wheezer
Dude, how many carbs
In this bottle of water?
Asks tattooed genius
— Vin Douchal
Muscles compensate
For freakishly small nipples.
Ted masters derp-face.
— End the Haberdouchery
We have the hostage
My pepperoni nipples
Will call you at eight
— saulgoode42
Buffet Line Betty
Likes steroid Meatclown sandwich
Pass the Douche Poupon
— Battlescrote Galactica
Chodester taints love
Flexing muscles for camera
I am ready for pear
— mr.reeve
New Weekly winner
poses with rival choadwank;
outflexed, not out-nipped.
Axis of evil
Has made new bio-weapon:
Chlamydia gas.
Ted likes his wrestling;
poses with Ivan Pudski?
Or maybe grandson.
In Vegas drunk tank
Testosterone drips from walls
Conjugal visit
Roid filled bodies
Air filled heads
Hall of Scrote for Ted
Muscles compensate
For freakishly small nipples.
Ted masters derp-face.
We have the hostage
My pepperoni nipples
Will call you at eight
So, Ass Pear Annie
wised up and left Ted behind?
Broheim won’t do that.
Yes they take the ‘roids
And their diet gives them ‘rrhoids
Protein shits like bricks
Freddie on the right
Swallowed an entire crossbow
Ted knows how to fire
Brave face belies calm.
No fear, Sally; scrote Letches
will pump each other.
Saulegoode42
Is on fuccen fire today;
Can’t stop chortling…
Pumped up lunk heads glare
Pool closed for thirty minutes
Skim grease from surface
Two guys with a plan
They’ll bang Sally until they
Meet in the middle
Tried to go with “Fletch,”
yep, mangled the idea,
should stick to dick jokes.
Pneumatic Meatpuds
An impotent scowl-a-thon
with Bimbo Light
Chick’s hard core
Robot pose for Ted
Guido can’t wipe his ass
“What da fuck you mean,
No shirt no shoes no service?
Shitty ass wedding!”
Two years after death
My wife will look just like her.
Ted hearts Skeletor.
She’s a gondola
Stuck to the underbellies
Of the Goodyear Pimps
Donksters uncle loves limelight
Ted pulls Annie closer
Uncle Donkster flexes more
Labor Day cookouts
bring threat of grease fires? Why is
the Kingsford oily?
New steroids inject
via high pressure air hose
Into their assholes.
They believe it’s cool
To walk through life as though they’re
Straining in mid-shit…
Ted wears belt
While chillen at da pool
Bouncerbag shat himself
Pumpy is PO’d;
sees Ted copping his looks, but
which boob will Ted grab?
Vile. Disgusting. Yuck
Don’t know whether to Haiku
Or ralph up breakfast
Maximum Flex Time;
If they strain any harder:
party favor ass!
Body, body, can’t
You feel my body, body
Check out my body.
(I hate to steal work from others, but in this case, the Village People nailed it).
My editing skillz
going the way of recall;
retire me to stud?
These pricks are so tense
They can only wipe their ass
With waxed dental floss.
Sometimes DB1
Makes it pretty easy, right?
I am among friends
Still hurts when I pee
Crotch shave will impress indeed
Stupid tats for me
Haven’t had a meal
Since Tuesday the Thirtieth
Make us eat something.
Chodester taints love
Flexing muscles for camera
I am ready for pear
Food is for pussies
All we need is some water
To wash down the ‘roids.
Sally’s snarl shows
she’s aware of local chests,
considers implants.
These dorks are so tense
Their poop extrudes out shaped like
The old Hilton “H”:
We’re never flexing
We always appear like we’re
Taking a big shit.
Long Island MENSA
Board of Directors picture
From summer potluck
Their farts are angry;
Run down their legs, kick ant hills,
Smells like a poop’s scowl
Picture smells like
Baby oil, sweat and protein
Its time to wipe my ass
Dude on the right says
“Ted, my traps are way bigger”
Ted says: “You’re still short”.
Just look at this bunch:
their sphincters are squeezed so tight,
only dogs hear their farts.
Ted’s Vein Shave Reveal
Unveils Big Mac starved Hotty
Tapout Tom snorts roids
Holy shite, Teddy.
An expression on your face?
No, he’s just sharting.
.
Sally’s body rocks;
That takes constant exercise.
And her face takes loads.
.
.
-Amerigo Vesdouchey
Meet the wrestling team:
The card girl Jenny Talia,
Torque MuleBrow, Doom Scowl
Their sole income source?
Pop charcoal briquets in ass,
Squeeze out the diamonds.
Flexing to the max,
Smelling like the Axe, these two
Leaking Olestra.
Strange hyroglyphics
Adorn short man on our right
Whose name is “Tattoo”.
Boss, boss! De plane, de plane!”
…hey y’all look at me…
…are they all looking at me?
…look this way, you guys….
^Hey, dickweed. That’s not a haiku. Sorrry.
Fuccen Sock.
These flexed-out rod clamps
Must pop muscle relaxers
Just so they can pee.
Look! A protein whore,
and an attention whore, and
One more protein whore.
Rear choad fears the pool;
If he falls in, sinks like stone:
Can’t move arms or legs.
Date rape filmed later;
hidden camera detailed
no sign of Sally.
Dude, how many carbs
In this bottle of water?
Asks tattooed genius
I’m not feeling it;
today’s haiku skills rival
Ted’s math skills: kaputz.
Vegas Douchepud tatts
Pin the Ink on the Donkey
Clip art skin-stain taints
Grim Reaper baggies
serve as a nice metaphor
for his testicles.
I like Sally much
Some think she needs a sandwich
No, I will eat her
Groin Shave
Reveals….
Nothing.
Buffet Line Betty
Likes steroid Meatclown sandwich
Pass the Douche Poupon
A barren wasteland:
Be that Ted’s groin, mind, or soul?
All of the above.
We said eat sandwich;
Not be meat in douche hoagie;
‘Roid bros grunt approval
Tendon Ted Traps Tara
‘twixt Two-Ton Trapezius
Tom of Finland weeps
Tendon Ted,
Tribal-tatt Billy,
tranny hooker could take them both
Tendon Ted nipple
blinds hott for vein net trapping
Roid Rage Randy farts
My recall is strange:
this spot is familiar, so
maybe it’s not lost?
Greco Roman men
Preen with blond bandana bitch
But prefer young boys
Tendon Ted vein bulge
Body rejects douchery
Grieco Virus wins
To quarantine or delouse
Ths bagademic do wait
The contagion is strong
Meatcurtain sandwich
Two slices of juicehead bread
Please use condoments
Damn Weezer, good catch.
You are now our resident
Idiot Savant
Atomic groin shave
Like Chernobyl or Three Mile
Lays waste toxic land
Double douche aura
Carrie caught in the middle
Bleeth overwhelming
Db1, you turd!
Why torture us so this morn’?
Give us the damn pear!
Cesarean Scar
Does not stop steroid-soaked scrotes
From grinding on Bleeth
I have an itchy middle finger and I am not afraid to use it!
Tendon Ted envies
Size of tat bag’s pecs and traps
Bleeth heals his ego
Stupid bikini
not big enough to hide the
caesarian scar
Human growth hormone
But what price to bed the hott?
Testes shrink away
Weeping at my desk.
When will the aliens come
And save us from this?
Ted & creep friends really need
to get a life beyond the gym
Braindead
Three bags full
Two stuffed with pearls
Of roidy pudt
My first late haiku
To say that we knew Pumpy
Dude, you ain’t Pumpy
asses clenched so tight
they carry greased ball bearings
in their fudge wallet
nothing says manly
like taking steroids at age
50. cue quick death.
Thick meaty sandwich
reversed: thin bread should be on
both outsides, meat inside.
With pumpers this thick,
breastes rolled between them get
flatter than pancakes.