Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Four Prong: Superstar
The Prong may not have won the 2010 Douchie Award for HCwDB of the Year. So close. But yet so spikely far. But 4P has won entrance into our hallowed Hall of Scrote.
And did win two other well earned Douchie Awards, and shows no sign of de-spiking in 2011.
Here we find the extremely rare and noteworthy Unearned Dog Tags Over Douche-Tie look.
And all that with bonus Shrinky Dink star decal.
Melanie is a stage-4 Bleether. There is no recovery, despite her shapely form. Sadly, the Pronger reaching stratospheres of surreal ‘baguousness means her chances of recovery are slim to de-boobally nil.
Now THIS is a true Asian douche. Although I have to wonder if he’s also a Gaybag.
Its maddening I tell you! We finally see 4Ps eyes and I still can’t tell if he/she was born with a 5th prong! There is no adams apple! That’s all I have to go on. I am not doing recon on this one. A braver huntress must take one for the team and seduce The Prongster. You will be rewarded by autoinduction into The Hall of Mock, or I will write DB1 a very strongly worded email, referencing my plethora of lawyers and I already misspell things so I’ve got that covered, if you do not get in for your valient efforts.
Perkie Melanie Badchoice-Clubtwat has many uses for peroxide besides her hair. Like swishing it through her vag to cleanse the stench after diddling with red onion and cleaning her fake ID.
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Chaste 4P will not give up the male/female ambiguity so he’ll retain that fay appearance until he loses his virginity to either a roofie-addled, passed out club chick or a giant cock up the ass in the holding cell after a DUI arrest.
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At that point he’ll either have the gay full on or he’ll spend his nights fixing his hair and getting shot down by sweaty dancing chicks on his quest for pussy.
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Will he be gay or straight? Will he lose his ass hymen before he gets a gal? Stay tuned. Db1 knows this and more
“We love you looooooong time. We put one her pink and one in my stink. Only $5 for sucky-sucky. You like?”
I believe a hint of mustache can be seen in the bonus pic. I’m now leaning towards gaybag.
The girl in the Superstar photo above is kind of cute; I always kind of liked Devo in my youth, mostly because I thought the song “Mongoloid” was about me.
And The Freak Goes On. I loved me some Sonny and Cher. Watch out for that tree Son-ny.
She’s Bleeth-tabulous! He puts the “low” in ass-clown. I have no idea what that means, but those shades look like something that popped off a speederbike-riding Stormtrooper when he hit the Ewoks’ clothesline trap. And face-painting should be left to children under 13 or fat, drunken sports fans.
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Go local sports team (plagiarist apologies to Nancy D.)!
For Cristo sakes put your shades back on Prong. I think Prong’s prongs have grown. I see 6 or 7 now. Ziggy Startwat
Did the Pronginator just give up halfway through putting on his Powder Puffs Girls costume? That’s just sad.
I still think he has a cunt
Have to disagree, 4P looks less trans-gender in this pick. I really thought 4P was a bulldyke.
Prong is gay. No further evidence is needed.
Mr. Reeve FTW, ‘Ziggy Startwat’. Snot rocket!
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Jeebus, 4P is like the Kim Jong Il of douchebags. Little and cuddly and laughable, but a giant fucking menace.
It’s Peter Piss, original drummer for PISS (Puds In Satan’s Sac)
@RRR, thanks for referencing me in the footnotes. You know how I go apeshit when someone uses my terminology without referencing me. And I noticed you had a bit of your own troll this weekend. Like a weekend troll. Congrats, you’re worth harrassing on the interwebs. I hope you’re writing home about it.
@Nancy:
It was kind of cool to be trolled, although I suspect it was one of the regs here amusing him/herself. Still, you have to be challenged a few times before you know what you’re made of. I haven’t heard anything from him in a few days.
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Yeah, I miss RUSH already.
Love the face paint Prong. That’s tight. You look like a My Lil’ Pony®.
Just noticed that my sweat underwear ruining dream Francine was snuck into the Hall of Hott. DB1, you bastard! When did I miss that? Where was the triumphal heralding of ass peared angel choirs? Where was the $500-a-bottle champagne? The confetti cannons? The DJs and the unza unza unza unza rocking beat? The condums? The free flowing drugs? Wait, besides the angels, that shit was pretty much in every picture. Good job boss.
The “F***! I’m famous” watermark in the bonus shrinky dink pic says it all, does it not?
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Just that little watermark sums up almost all I have against douche. Because here’s the thing: Go to the club. Listen to shitty music. Drink over-priced watered-down girl drinks. Put Strawberry Shortcake Temporary Tattoos ™ on your face. Really, It’s cool, if that’s what makes you happy. It’s all that “LOOK AT ME I’M A FUCKING BALLER AND I’M FAMOUS IN OCALA FLORIDA AND YOU ALL ARE LOSERS YOU AIN’T GOT GAME BITCHES” shit that I can’t stand. Enjoy your pursuits–just don’t be so asshole-ish that you have to insult people who don’t like the same stuff you do.
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It’s like the paintball supply store next to my bank. I’ve played paintball. It was kind of fun, if somewhat painful. But this place, with its “BORN TO KILL” and “YUR PWNED!” and “WE KILL SUCKERZZ!” and shit all over the windows just makes me want to start stabbing people. Just enjoy your thing, O.K.? No screaming at passersby is necessary. You’re not fucking Navy SEALs. You play paintball. Get some…perspective! And humility!
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Son.
With those glasses, 4Prong actually looks like his character has some depth.
@me
Although I should say that I once played paintball with a former Army Ranger, so I suppose there are exceptions. Plus? Those skills actually transfer really well to paintball, as evidenced by the very tight grouping of paintball-sized bruises on my chest.
@ Mr. White
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May I suggest you stay away from Recon scout snipers (Marines) as well? You would have a most excellent group from them as well. On your forehead.
Four Prong, who as I recall has five prongs, seems to be growing a sixth prong. Because five prongs was SO last year. He’s stepping up his douche game. By the time the next yearlies come around, he may be up to seven prongs.
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And we’re raising our children in the same world. That shit ain’t right.
@RRR Thanks so much for using my Sports Team reference. People who get excited for any reason are so lame. Let’s go read some Sylvia Plath together while we wait for our inevitable end. Or I can just eat another box of twinkies topped with a bag of cool ranch doritos. Eat your heart out Rachael Ray!!!!
I had a rash like that, once. Fortunately, anti-biotics and a topical steroid cream took care of it.
@me 1:25p, troll me is back and very hungry. I’m going to lunch, troll me. A lunch of resonable proportions and then I will deal with you, troll me. Try not to not to kill yourself in the interim. I’m sure you will post much insanity using my online moniker but thems the risk you take when you run with the big dogs. I am issuing a preemptive apology to anyone “I” insult. Unless you deserve it.
And I fucking hate Racheal Ray, so at least you got that right troll me.
@TrollNancy 1:25
Glad to see you’re back. I was beginning to think you had a life.
I was thinking about what music 4 Prong would listen to while my daughter was falling asleep and had a revelation while stoned and half-lit. Then I realized it was a dream I had while I had a nap in the other bunkbed while she was falling asleep.
So I’m driving a five person seadoo with Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, Kesha, and Katy Perry. We groove to Australia in the morning and get in to some dubes and crunk juice. We start talking about the Kennedy Assassination, Bretton Woods, The IMF, World Bank etc. and I realize that these girls aren’t just exploited bodies on autotuners. They are the great new thinkers in the realm of political economy. New Duponts and Stuyvesants. Then we run into David Icke while some of the girls stop kissing under the palm trees in the sweet salt air of the East Coast. So he starts going on about the end of the world and the Illuminati, George Bush is a Reptilian and other conspiracies my lifelong friends who are 45 and still unemployed send me emails about all the time until I block them. Gotta go check the rice and get some more rye, be right back. Fucking burnt rice, glad I made the chili early.
So out of some tropical bushes jumps the corpse of Tom Snyder with Dick Cavett, Jim Brown, Rona Barrett, and Mean Gene The Dancing Machine. Well these five lay a can of woop ass on Katy Perry calling her a pariah and a corporate whore cunt that tastes of lemon balm and Russell Brand perfume. I tried to help her for a minute but who wants fuck with Tom Snyder. So Katy disappears to somewhere, I don’t know where the fuck. I start to argue with Icke about his conspiracy theories and out of the woods comes Joel Osteen reminding me that I can have whatever I want because God loves me and wants to see me full in my bounty and guarded by angels for the next few decades. So I tell Orsteen I want to fuck four girls and tell him to fuck off, he disappears.
So after the sunny drinks and dead or near dead commentator antics, Katy Perry’s disappearance, and that fucking Osteen ruining my buzz, I remember that the reason for our trip was for the four girls to perform for Nemo and Dory at the Sydney Orchestra .
Fuck that we have to be there in 5 minutes. Miley’s papa say what? Miley reminds me while eating a Tootsie Pop and wondering how many licks it takes to get to Rihanna’s chocolate center. So myself and Tony Randall put the three girls on our backs and sprint to the car/boat Richard Branson had given me for a company car. We travel at great speed and got the girls to the Sydney whatever that thing is and Tony starts to call me a fucking wanker wallabee. So I don’t let him have VIP pass, watched the opening ceremonies of the last Olymics held in Sydney. Fucking great fireworks. Then I pick the girls up on my five person Seadoo and head back to where we were before. To my amasement there was another girl on the back sitting behind Miley, Rihanna, and Kesha but we didn’t recognize her. We get into our 10 room tent and get into some champagne and acid. To my surprise the girls start kissing again, all four of them. I still didn’t know who the new one was. So they tell me they want to reward me for all of my trouble. We start gettin it on had a great time with me pleasuring the three pop tarts in every way imagineable. I wake up in the middle of the night to realize two of the sweet young bodies were gone. No big deal two left.
As morning came I was being spooned by one and spooning the other. The one in front said I never introduced myself when we were partying, my name is Victoria Osteen and well, you know my husband. Very confused as to what she was saying, I here the voice of the body beside me. A man said Chad, did we fill you with your bounty. Fuck. I woke up sweating and cold, it could just be the drugs but don’t fuck with the Osteen.
The moral of the story is don’t think of 4 prong because you will wake up feeling ashamed and your three 3 year old asking what is that hard thing in your pants.
I’ve always said Four-Prong has Five-Prongs.
Sorta like that Five-Spice Chinese seasoning thang.
since when has Liquid Sky come back in vogue?
In my daydreams, Prong meets Xenu and they sashay off to meet Samurai Scrote. Musta happened in real life, cuz Prong’s wearin’ Scrote’s necktie and deckin’ himself like Xenu.
If there’s anyone who still is on the fence regarding the sexual orientation of this gaybag here, I only have one thing to say: I hope Obamacare has an lasik option.
Uh, Rev (2:51 pm)…I want to live on your planet. Can we see it from here?
“I got prongs, they’re multiplyin’, and I’m losing control….”
PS Rev Chad you really must put the pipe down stat.
@The Rev, holy balls man. The Illuminati and Seadoos referenced in one story. You might want to ease up on the bud and double up on the chili. Other than that, Worst.Bedtime.Story.Ever.
Me spel bad
^Everybody’s gotta have their thing troll me. You have the art of trolling down pat. Let me have poor spelling.
4-prong has the full stomach and satisfied look of a Korean who just ate a medium sized dog.
I think the Prong-meister might watch Glee.
Yes, but in China it’s called “Gree”. Fuccen Asians.
i have Four Prongs’ Hall of Scrote acceptance speech right here:
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FUCK ALL OF YALL, you can kiss my asian ass! dont be hatin…
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oh and i live in candyland of poo planet. COME FIND ME AND HURTLE A FIST TOWARDS YOUR FACE!!!
oh and Four Prongs looks like a washboard. no wonder he wears glasses most of the time.
Too soon for Halloween, idiot.
Holy shit! I heretofore thought thy 70’s Elvis spectacles were solidly affixed with glue twixt thine peepers.
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Four Prong doesn’t belong in the Hall of Scrote. It’s now apparent that his presence is best reserved in the Hall of Fucking Goddamn Amazing Fuck Awesome Shit Fuck.
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C’mon DB1, Four Prong for induction into the Hall of FGAFASF!!!!!
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Who’s with me here?
The only way this stage-4 Bleether would hang out with 4 prongs is he was a straight-up fucking poof…tippy-toer…light loafer brigade.
I noticed you had a bit of your own troll this weekend. Like a weekend troll. Congrats, you’re worth harrassing on the interwebs. I hope you’re writing home about it.
@Rev:
You might want to think about getting into a program. But if you don’t, please keep posting that nutty shit here. It’s hilarious.
Four Prong looks ill. He should get out of his cubicle, get outside, and get some color. His friend with the bad sunglasses looks just right, though.
Oh yeah, Four Prong is definitely ablaze. Perhaps he’d be happier “clubbing” (and by “clubbing”…..) with Sabio and the “boys”?
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Stupid question…..
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Maybe each new prong represents a notch on his headboard.
@Rev: I had the exact same dream. Now THAT freaks me out.