Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sailor Sam Nurses His Wounded Pride
Don’t turn around, Kelly!
Sam’s wacky sidekick, Smitty, just discovered he has a peen!
Yeah. I said peen.
Hot Chicks With Douche Bags
PICTURES OF HOT CHICKS WITH TOTAL AND COMPLETE DOUCHEBAGS. WITH COMMENTARY.
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- In memoriam: bcs
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That’s one way to keep your girl thin… eat EVERYTHING before she has a chance.
My Hero
This fatass could suckle his own manboobs. Ew
boy is he going to be surprised when he realizes that isn’t his own boob in his mouth
please pull the bow. please pull the bow. please pull the bow.
this guy has more stretch marks than miles on Route 66
this guy’s stretch marks resemble the tribal markings of the Ebunanabe tribes of south-east Brazil
She’s an early Stage 2, but I can’t fault Sam for wanting to take a bite out of them fine apples she’s got. I can still fault him for being a taintwad, mind, but I agree on the boobies.
Gnaw & suckle are big themes here.
“Get a room” needs to be a theme for this photo.
“Even though Festus had been removed from the herd of Walrus that had raised him for over 20 years, he still could not fight the urge to suckle at the teat of a poolside bleeth. Heidi is rebounding from a bad experience with a Saudi Arabian Prince and welcomes any attention from a fair haired Caucasian.”
Fat douches need love too. And cake, lots of cake.
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Yeah Smitty! Now that you’ve discovered it don’t just let it hang there. Use it or lose it, Son.
And sweet son of Mariah Carey, he’s got a cross hanging betwixt his ample bosom. See church, this is why I can’t take you seriously.
@ Darksock
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RE: Slayer’s hollowed out Marshall cabs
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It’s just an illusion used to make an awesome backline. Some bands don’t like the back of the stage being empty. Van Halen has a huge stack behind them but Eddie plays through one rig, a Peavy 5150. Everything goes through the P.A. anyway.
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Best backline I ever saw was at the Toby Keith “Big Dog Daddy Tour”. They had a hilarious crimefighter video with Toby and Larry the Cable Guy as “Possum Boy” who laid down and played dead at the first sign of trouble.
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During the final chase a giant truck blasts at the audience through the video screen to an explosion of red, white and blue confetti and the lights come up to the tune Big Dog Daddy as the truck is suspended in mid crash-through-a wall in the back and stayed there the entire show.
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During that number, a guy in a Possum Boy outfit and mask is clearing the confetti with a leaf blower. Hilarity I say
He’s so fat the lady tattooed on his arm has diabetes.
Sailor Sam needs to lay off the ‘Smores and do some sit-ups, or have his yap wired shut, or something.
way to palm a pear… small booby but gnaw worthy.. fatso!
Living her entire life in the shadow of a nuclear reactor caused Stacy’s breast milk to contain more protein per ounce than the cumulative amount in an entire herd of holsteins. This condition accounts for the abnormal growth of her three-month old infant, known affectionately as “Huey”.
Sam has a life size tat of Kelly ..
The angry zombie behind them is about to save the day by eating what’s left of Sam’s brain
This…..cannot be.
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Naturally, no tub of goo like that should be biting on her boobies. A tub of goo like me should be biting them! But I digress…..
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Yes, the “cannot be” factor stems from the erstwhile Sailor Sam, but not for the reason(s) you might think.
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Look closely. At his face.
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Yes, there’s a good reason for this. I fear – and I sincerely hope I am wrong – oh yes, I fear…..that this could be the death of one of our douchey icons, willingly forsaking his trademarked look for…..what, exactly?
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The blonde facial fung replaced what once was a clear face, and that iconic t-shirt is missing. Granted, he was always thinning bit on the top, but it appears he may have shaven his hair for (gulp) practical reasons.
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Who may this mystery man be? Well, I may very well be wrong, but Jebus help us if this proves to be…..
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Wheatstalks?
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I can’t bear this possibility.
And failure to close my HTML tags should be proof enough that I’m flabbergasted.
I hope I’m wrong, and it may very well be so – Sailor Sam doesn’t seem to have moles on his left arm. I was reacting to my first impression that this was our pal Wheatstalks.
im trying not vomit by refocusing from hungry dad to starving lad, who looks like he just experienced a first unexpected ooey-gooey penile emission.
I hope he’s not sporting wood. It would look like a mole rat pushing its way out from under a Costco bag of mayonnaise.
Plaid! I wanna get plaid!
His erection would look like a lamprey eating through the dorsal wall of a dead beluga whale.
These evil fuckwits have lobotomized Tommy the cabana boy, and turned him into a human marionette! They must be stopped.
It looks like an army of crustaceans marching out of her pubic area. Or public area, depending on how you want to spell it.
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I can confirm that Fatsoid is actually meglomaniacal CEO Richard Branson’s newest venture: the Redneck Dirigible. This one is named the Spirit of Old Milwaukee, and sports a pinup decal of Britney Spears.
His erection would look like an albino butt nugget lolling out of Perez Hilton’s log box, like a screaming drunk hanging out of a Chevy king cab after a NASCAR race.
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See how I did that? Described a metaphor with another metaphor? Did I blow your mind, cuz that just happened, Son.
Look what she has to scrape off after getting in the pool. And she thought the sheen of oil would be bad enough.
How high is she? I’m hoping REALLY high. No self respecting hott would allow pudd like this to pose with her, even as a stage two Bleeth. Unless, of course, she was high.
Larry The Cable Guy’s life finally took on some meaning when he found an actual use for the retarded phrase “Git ‘R Done” by becoming a human liposuction machine. At first Shelly was a bit shy and afraid to wear a bikini around the pool for fear that others (like us) would make fun of her. But with one call to “Loopy Larry’s Lazy Liposuctioners” she fel like a new woman. And Larry had the best lunch he’d had all week. His apprentice Smitty still hasn’t figured out that his suction pimple still isn’t up to the task.
As Popeye would say, how embarasskin’.
Guys, guys, it’s ok. That’s his sister. He has a right to be possessive.
God bless the fat guy for gnawing on quality tail.
GET SOME SON.
One Flew Over The CaCa’s Nest. How are you feeling today Mr. Martini.
Oh,God! That’s embarrassing. It appears that tattoo of a bikini girl has got wood in the wrong place.
Ok, I know the vegas hotels are all going with the “turn the pool into a daytime nighclub” thing so they can charge a $20 cover and $10 for a can of beer. Be warned, when you book the $39 room at Circus Circus, this is what you will get.
The epistemological disconnect between the hotness of the hott, her suckle-worthy fun bags, the fatness of the blubbery douchewad, the unworthiness of his suckle-stance, and the half-nekkid slim Jim behind them, is so problematic, I am awash in nihilism.
But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t trade places with Sailor Sam in a second.
A stunning resemblance to the Ex-Mr. Oblongata in so many ways. Shudder. That was his basic attempt at romance, to bite me somewhere and make a crude sexual remark, loud enough so everyone within earshot could hear. Yeccch. No wonder I thought I was gay for about seven years.
I wanna hang out with that guy….I’m thin and tan by comparison. It would be worth tolerating those scrotes for the chance to gently rub vaseline on any new tattoos she got.
Smitty discovers he has a two-ball peen hammer, while Sam sucks the two-titted Nanny goat after hammering himself silly with two barrels of brau, five bratwursts and a chaser of Liebfraumilch, followed by three peppermint Schnappes.
Oh boy is we going to be surprised when we realizes that isn’t his own boob in his mouth
His erection would look like a fetal kangaroo being smothered by a wet pillow.
His erection would look like a q tip.
His erection would look like a q – tip trying to intimidate a hill of red ants.
His erection would look like a fly larvae crawling out from underneath the collapsed Metrodome roof.
Wheeee! Fun!
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His erection would look like a beaten up Vienna sausage poking out from a one ton slurry of badly curdled milk and Rosie O’Donnell’s extracted ass fat.
His erection would look like Kathy Bates was pooping a thumb.
Dude, she’s not made of chocolate!