Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Sailor Sam Nurses His Wounded Pride

Don’t turn around, Kelly!

Sam’s wacky sidekick, Smitty, just discovered he has a peen!

Yeah. I said peen.

# posted by douchebag1
9:31 am February, 23 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

That’s one way to keep your girl thin… eat EVERYTHING before she has a chance.

9:37 am February, 23 Anthony LaBaglia said...

My Hero

9:37 am February, 23 Vin Douchal said...

This fatass could suckle his own manboobs. Ew

9:38 am February, 23 jonezy said...

boy is he going to be surprised when he realizes that isn’t his own boob in his mouth

9:39 am February, 23 jonezy said...

please pull the bow. please pull the bow. please pull the bow.

9:40 am February, 23 jonezy said...

this guy has more stretch marks than miles on Route 66

9:43 am February, 23 jonezy said...

this guy’s stretch marks resemble the tribal markings of the Ebunanabe tribes of south-east Brazil

9:44 am February, 23 Deltus said...

She’s an early Stage 2, but I can’t fault Sam for wanting to take a bite out of them fine apples she’s got. I can still fault him for being a taintwad, mind, but I agree on the boobies.

9:46 am February, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Gnaw & suckle are big themes here.

“Get a room” needs to be a theme for this photo.

9:47 am February, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“Even though Festus had been removed from the herd of Walrus that had raised him for over 20 years, he still could not fight the urge to suckle at the teat of a poolside bleeth. Heidi is rebounding from a bad experience with a Saudi Arabian Prince and welcomes any attention from a fair haired Caucasian.”

9:48 am February, 23 Foxy Mocksy said...

Fat douches need love too. And cake, lots of cake.
.
Yeah Smitty! Now that you’ve discovered it don’t just let it hang there. Use it or lose it, Son.

9:55 am February, 23 Foxy Mocksy said...

And sweet son of Mariah Carey, he’s got a cross hanging betwixt his ample bosom. See church, this is why I can’t take you seriously.

9:58 am February, 23 Vin Douchal said...

@ Darksock
.
RE: Slayer’s hollowed out Marshall cabs
.
It’s just an illusion used to make an awesome backline. Some bands don’t like the back of the stage being empty. Van Halen has a huge stack behind them but Eddie plays through one rig, a Peavy 5150. Everything goes through the P.A. anyway.
.
Best backline I ever saw was at the Toby Keith “Big Dog Daddy Tour”. They had a hilarious crimefighter video with Toby and Larry the Cable Guy as “Possum Boy” who laid down and played dead at the first sign of trouble.
.
During the final chase a giant truck blasts at the audience through the video screen to an explosion of red, white and blue confetti and the lights come up to the tune Big Dog Daddy as the truck is suspended in mid crash-through-a wall in the back and stayed there the entire show.
.
During that number, a guy in a Possum Boy outfit and mask is clearing the confetti with a leaf blower. Hilarity I say

9:59 am February, 23 Foxy Mocksy said...

He’s so fat the lady tattooed on his arm has diabetes.

10:06 am February, 23 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Sailor Sam needs to lay off the ‘Smores and do some sit-ups, or have his yap wired shut, or something.

10:10 am February, 23 Captain Garanichode said...

way to palm a pear… small booby but gnaw worthy.. fatso!

10:12 am February, 23 Hermit said...

Living her entire life in the shadow of a nuclear reactor caused Stacy’s breast milk to contain more protein per ounce than the cumulative amount in an entire herd of holsteins. This condition accounts for the abnormal growth of her three-month old infant, known affectionately as “Huey”.

10:12 am February, 23 Captain Garanichode said...

Sam has a life size tat of Kelly ..

10:13 am February, 23 Captain Garanichode said...

The angry zombie behind them is about to save the day by eating what’s left of Sam’s brain

10:13 am February, 23 Wheezer said...

This…..cannot be.
.
Naturally, no tub of goo like that should be biting on her boobies. A tub of goo like me should be biting them! But I digress…..
.
Yes, the “cannot be” factor stems from the erstwhile Sailor Sam, but not for the reason(s) you might think.
.
Look closely. At his face.
.
Yes, there’s a good reason for this. I fear – and I sincerely hope I am wrong – oh yes, I fear…..that this could be the death of one of our douchey icons, willingly forsaking his trademarked look for…..what, exactly?
.
The blonde facial fung replaced what once was a clear face, and that iconic t-shirt is missing. Granted, he was always thinning bit on the top, but it appears he may have shaven his hair for (gulp) practical reasons.
.
Who may this mystery man be? Well, I may very well be wrong, but Jebus help us if this proves to be…..
.
.
.
.
.
Wheatstalks?
.
.
.
I can’t bear this possibility.

10:14 am February, 23 Wheezer said...

And failure to close my HTML tags should be proof enough that I’m flabbergasted.

10:21 am February, 23 Wheezer said...

I hope I’m wrong, and it may very well be so – Sailor Sam doesn’t seem to have moles on his left arm. I was reacting to my first impression that this was our pal Wheatstalks.

10:25 am February, 23 Dooshspotter said...

im trying not vomit by refocusing from hungry dad to starving lad, who looks like he just experienced a first unexpected ooey-gooey penile emission.

11:19 am February, 23 Baron Von Goolo said...

I hope he’s not sporting wood. It would look like a mole rat pushing its way out from under a Costco bag of mayonnaise.

11:28 am February, 23 The Dude said...

Plaid! I wanna get plaid!

11:31 am February, 23 DarkSock said...

His erection would look like a lamprey eating through the dorsal wall of a dead beluga whale.

11:38 am February, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

These evil fuckwits have lobotomized Tommy the cabana boy, and turned him into a human marionette! They must be stopped.

11:45 am February, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

It looks like an army of crustaceans marching out of her pubic area. Or public area, depending on how you want to spell it.
.
I can confirm that Fatsoid is actually meglomaniacal CEO Richard Branson’s newest venture: the Redneck Dirigible. This one is named the Spirit of Old Milwaukee, and sports a pinup decal of Britney Spears.

12:04 pm February, 23 DarkSock said...

His erection would look like an albino butt nugget lolling out of Perez Hilton’s log box, like a screaming drunk hanging out of a Chevy king cab after a NASCAR race.
.
See how I did that? Described a metaphor with another metaphor? Did I blow your mind, cuz that just happened, Son.

12:19 pm February, 23 UFO Destroyers said...

Look what she has to scrape off after getting in the pool. And she thought the sheen of oil would be bad enough.

12:37 pm February, 23 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

How high is she? I’m hoping REALLY high. No self respecting hott would allow pudd like this to pose with her, even as a stage two Bleeth. Unless, of course, she was high.

12:54 pm February, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Larry The Cable Guy’s life finally took on some meaning when he found an actual use for the retarded phrase “Git ‘R Done” by becoming a human liposuction machine. At first Shelly was a bit shy and afraid to wear a bikini around the pool for fear that others (like us) would make fun of her. But with one call to “Loopy Larry’s Lazy Liposuctioners” she fel like a new woman. And Larry had the best lunch he’d had all week. His apprentice Smitty still hasn’t figured out that his suction pimple still isn’t up to the task.

12:57 pm February, 23 Wedgie said...

As Popeye would say, how embarasskin’.

12:59 pm February, 23 Luis Douchuel said...

Guys, guys, it’s ok. That’s his sister. He has a right to be possessive.

1:05 pm February, 23 Bigphatnotadouche said...

God bless the fat guy for gnawing on quality tail.
GET SOME SON.

1:12 pm February, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

One Flew Over The CaCa’s Nest. How are you feeling today Mr. Martini.

1:22 pm February, 23 Stephanie said...

Oh,God! That’s embarrassing. It appears that tattoo of a bikini girl has got wood in the wrong place.

2:02 pm February, 23 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Ok, I know the vegas hotels are all going with the “turn the pool into a daytime nighclub” thing so they can charge a $20 cover and $10 for a can of beer. Be warned, when you book the $39 room at Circus Circus, this is what you will get.

3:52 pm February, 23 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

The epistemological disconnect between the hotness of the hott, her suckle-worthy fun bags, the fatness of the blubbery douchewad, the unworthiness of his suckle-stance, and the half-nekkid slim Jim behind them, is so problematic, I am awash in nihilism.

But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t trade places with Sailor Sam in a second.

6:53 pm February, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

A stunning resemblance to the Ex-Mr. Oblongata in so many ways. Shudder. That was his basic attempt at romance, to bite me somewhere and make a crude sexual remark, loud enough so everyone within earshot could hear. Yeccch. No wonder I thought I was gay for about seven years.

8:12 pm February, 23 Pepe Le Douche said...

I wanna hang out with that guy….I’m thin and tan by comparison. It would be worth tolerating those scrotes for the chance to gently rub vaseline on any new tattoos she got.

10:40 pm February, 23 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Smitty discovers he has a two-ball peen hammer, while Sam sucks the two-titted Nanny goat after hammering himself silly with two barrels of brau, five bratwursts and a chaser of Liebfraumilch, followed by three peppermint Schnappes.

2:21 am February, 24 appointment setting said...

Oh boy is we going to be surprised when we realizes that isn’t his own boob in his mouth

2:47 am February, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

His erection would look like a fetal kangaroo being smothered by a wet pillow.

5:58 am February, 24 Anonymous said...

His erection would look like a q tip.

6:01 am February, 24 Collaz B. Popped said...

His erection would look like a q – tip trying to intimidate a hill of red ants.

6:46 am February, 24 Hermit said...

His erection would look like a fly larvae crawling out from underneath the collapsed Metrodome roof.

7:08 am February, 24 Deltus said...

Wheeee! Fun!
.
His erection would look like a beaten up Vienna sausage poking out from a one ton slurry of badly curdled milk and Rosie O’Donnell’s extracted ass fat.

5:47 pm February, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

His erection would look like Kathy Bates was pooping a thumb.

6:43 am February, 28 Tony Ventresca said...

Dude, she’s not made of chocolate!

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