Friday, April 15, 2011
Friday Haiku
Pukey Flower Douche,
David Bowie Pin looks on,
As Hott Jenn gets grabbed.
I’d like to shtup Jenn.
Even if awkwardly so –
Dry hump at the bar
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Izzy Stradlin’ douche
plays guitar no more. Finger
growth from Axl’s pud?
— Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche
Jenn checks his package
Finds a half roll of breath mints
Tommie Lee he ain’t
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Young Ellen Barkin
Hott likes to be slutty. Tongue
Fung is not her bag.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
“Want some whipped butter?”
“Um, no, but can I speak to
the manager, please?”
— Mr. White
You are auto-douche,
let me count the ways: dog tags,
sunglasses inside
wristdanna, death tongue,
mandanna, douche hand gesture,
and bowie button.
— the douche is alright
His hat says ‘AssLick’
His Tongue says, “Been there,Done that!’
Scrote Definition!
Could that be hair gel
on death tongue punk scrote’s ear lobe?
No, glob of semen
I’d like to shtup Jenn.
Even if awkwardly so –
Dry hump at the bar
He earned his dog tags
In the war of the douche bands.
Jenn’s his bleeth groupie.
Scrote wears Gi-Normous
Goggles. He’s been blinded by
His shit. Death, Please come!
Cauliflower growth
on his finger, maybe time
to see a doctor?
Whats up with dirty
Denim wrist band? It must say,
I pump gas for life.
A rare double haiku……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
You are auto-douche,
let me count the ways: dog tags,
sunglasses inside
wristdanna, death tongue,
mandanna, douche hand gesture,
and bowie button.
He rests his Cosmo
on Jenn’s boob shelf–not the best
use of that hott spot.
His customer says,
“On second thought, cancel my
ice cream order, please.”
Jenn is not impressed
with this scrote’s choice of wardrobe.
but wants more free drinks
“Want some whipped butter?”
“Um, no, but can I speak to
the manager, please?”
Izzy Stradlin’ douche
plays guitar no more. Finger
growth from Axl’s pud?
Jenn checks his package
Finds a half roll of breath mints
Tommie Lee he ain’t
Jenn is not impressed
he can pull jizz from thin air.
Knows it’s from keester.
Booger on finger
Plus package readjustment
Equals empty pants
Her eyes suggest yes.
Pukie says its a go, But
Yeast finger says no.
Looks like he used the
“Pull my finger” joke too much.
Fart sack growth now huge.
Young Ellen Barkin
Hott likes to be slutty. Tongue
Fung is not her bag.
Douche reacts to yeast
check performed on Jenn just now.
Anyone for cheese?
Young Heather Locklear
Why’d you do “TJ Hooker”?
It all makes sense now
Trucker hat boner
Has quite a coat on his tongue.
Cockolate Souffle?
Neal got a booboo
From playing his ax too hard
By axe he means cockk
She likes her drinks red
He gave her rusty trombone.
The brown never lies.
“After Great White, we
can’t do pryo,” he explains.
“So we flick butter.”
Denim wristbana.
Johnny out of the rehab.
Horton Hears a poo.
Douche kicked out of band
for stabbing singer in eye.
Not Cotton-eyed Joe.
Random apparel.
Denim and denim broke ass.
Needs to go for broke.
Douche now rendered mute
after contents gone from head.
Jenn doesn’t notice.
I got it. I got your
Number on the wall. Eight, six,
Seven, five. three. skank.
Boss cuts us off too
early. Mr. White was on
fire. Damn funny shit.
Mister White’s haiku
Made me laugh, order jelly
Instead for pancakes
All Douche signs are there
Middle finger points to the
offender. So sad.
Let us hope,
that up her poon,
did douche find that cream,
BURMA SHAVE
Todd smooths Nancy’s ass;
He digs out cellulite clumps
With rooked fingernail.
.
.
.
Damn, too late AGAIN….
They dress like their con-
dos: Hers, minimal modern.
His, trashed and cluttered.
‘clasick’ [sic] douche trucker’s
cap and mandan–what’s sick?
She looks 40. Now.
.
.
.
Talk about too fuckin’ late…
yes, that was supposed to be, ‘mandana’. Shit.
what? are they at a
wedding? whatever it is
Bowie disapproves.
What is Jenn doing?!
Stop playing hands in the pants!
This guy’s a piece of…
Oh, it all makes sense:
Wiping after massive dump.
She’s really classy.