Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The Strapperface
Doucheface and beachstraps just de-tonsiled the baby Jesus with a butter knife.
Tiny Taut Tonya is firm, fertile and will buy you a popsicle. And, really, is there any more in life needed to confirm a theistic and moral universal framework?
EDIT: Had a premature pubjaculation with this post this morning, so am moving it after the Monthly vote for its deserved period at the top of the mock chain.
She is ripped like a Sudanese girl’s involuntarily circumcised clitoris.
She is cut like a fat goth chick’s forearms.
She is tighter than a baby kitten.
Bukkake glasses and abs of steel – nice..
I was talking about the Hott, not the Douche.
She’s is fucking awesome.
She’s as tight as a Filipina nanny with rules.
She is hotter than most mail order brides.
She is way to hot to have given her son a handjob.
^I’m just not into it today. Back after some doob therapy.
I’d like to wash and rub my boxers on her washboard.
Is she wearing anything but a belt on her lower half? Jerk cameraman. I could do without seeing *all* of stretch.
Firm, yes. But I have to question fertile. Below a certain amount of body fat and you can’t make babies. I read it on the internet, so it’s true.
Tonya is right in my wheelhouse. This is my perfect woman. Don’t ruin it for me. Fucckers
She looks like she’d all energetic and shit in the sack.
She is buffed like a proud teenager’s Honda
She could kegel hemp rope into waxed floss
She could kegel a trailer hitch into a spear head
Tonya has rendered me worthless for the rest of the day. I’m just going to sit here and stare at her and try to convince myself of some random “bad” feature that she may have. So far, she seems perfect.
She is into fitness like Snooki is into ringworm.
She’s into medicine like Gary Busey is into rehab.
She is into shiatsu like Charlie Sheen is into Bree Olson.
She is so fit she laid her children.
She’s so firm that bricks are jealous.
She’s so happy that Krishna’s hide from her.
She is so happy with herself Reese Witherspoon is humbled.
Her skin is so perfect that she must not apply the lotion.
She is so doable that I can’t make the necessary comment about gender.
Tonya will not only buy you a popsicle, she IS a popsicle.
.
I like mine slightly salty and with a hint of Coppertone<sup®.
LICKKK, LICKKK, SLURRRP, SLURRRP!!!!!
Get 10 inches away from your screen. Cross your eyes while staring at her navel. Resume regular vision and see that cartoon big headed alien from the thing on that show on the tv,
I would pay good money to see Tonya kick Zyzz’s ass.
Heidi Fleiss + Botox + Steroids = Tonya
She could kegel corn into mayonnaise.
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what?
I’d pay good money to have Tonya kick my ass.
Sorry, just can’t get that into her. Too skinny. He on the other hand is worthy of a position on this grand site. Get a couple meaningless randomly placed tattoos, young bagling, and you may make a monthly some day.
I am astounded by her dedication to fitness as I weep into my Nutella.
I just hope “she” has XX chromosomes, not an “XY” pair…just sayin’
When she kegels in Geneva, Higgs boson gets discovered
Her abs are so taut that if you tried to bounce a quarter off them you’d get back change.
Her abs are so taut that if you left a piece of paper on them, you’d get back an origami swan.
Dear Rev Kroeger:
When you said “She looks like she’d all energetic and shit in the sack” where do you put the comma?
Edit:
She looks like she would be all energetic and shit in the sack.
But then your sack would have shit in it, right?
Well, I imagine her turds to be raw diamonds, so that isn’t really a problem.
She poops whole grain.
That guy needs a toilet plunger to the face. He just bothers me.
I used to date this hot ass broad. Amanda Chen.
I used to be the inventor of Post-It Notes. Katie Couric.
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