Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Strapperface

Doucheface and beachstraps just de-tonsiled the baby Jesus with a butter knife.

Tiny Taut Tonya is firm, fertile and will buy you a popsicle. And, really, is there any more in life needed to confirm a theistic and moral universal framework?

EDIT: Had a premature pubjaculation with this post this morning, so am moving it after the Monthly vote for its deserved period at the top of the mock chain.

# posted by douchebag1
7:22 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

She is ripped like a Sudanese girl’s involuntarily circumcised clitoris.

7:22 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

She is cut like a fat goth chick’s forearms.

7:23 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

She is tighter than a baby kitten.

7:23 am April, 20 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Bukkake glasses and abs of steel – nice..
I was talking about the Hott, not the Douche.

7:28 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s is fucking awesome.

7:29 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s as tight as a Filipina nanny with rules.

7:38 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She is hotter than most mail order brides.

7:39 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She is way to hot to have given her son a handjob.

7:41 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^I’m just not into it today. Back after some doob therapy.

7:45 am April, 20 Anonymous said...

I’d like to wash and rub my boxers on her washboard.

7:53 am April, 20 Anonymous said...

Is she wearing anything but a belt on her lower half? Jerk cameraman. I could do without seeing *all* of stretch.

7:56 am April, 20 Ted Brogan said...

Firm, yes. But I have to question fertile. Below a certain amount of body fat and you can’t make babies. I read it on the internet, so it’s true.

9:30 am April, 20 Vin Douchal said...

Tonya is right in my wheelhouse. This is my perfect woman. Don’t ruin it for me. Fucckers

9:33 am April, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

She looks like she’d all energetic and shit in the sack.

9:38 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

She is buffed like a proud teenager’s Honda

9:38 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

She could kegel hemp rope into waxed floss

9:41 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

She could kegel a trailer hitch into a spear head

9:49 am April, 20 smackdouche said...

Tonya has rendered me worthless for the rest of the day. I’m just going to sit here and stare at her and try to convince myself of some random “bad” feature that she may have. So far, she seems perfect.

10:08 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She is into fitness like Snooki is into ringworm.

10:09 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s into medicine like Gary Busey is into rehab.

10:09 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She is into shiatsu like Charlie Sheen is into Bree Olson.

10:10 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She is so fit she laid her children.

10:11 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s so firm that bricks are jealous.

10:11 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s so happy that Krishna’s hide from her.

10:12 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She is so happy with herself Reese Witherspoon is humbled.

10:13 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Her skin is so perfect that she must not apply the lotion.

10:14 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She is so doable that I can’t make the necessary comment about gender.

10:18 am April, 20 Hermit said...

Tonya will not only buy you a popsicle, she IS a popsicle.
.
I like mine slightly salty and with a hint of Coppertone<sup®.
LICKKK, LICKKK, SLURRRP, SLURRRP!!!!!

10:48 am April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Get 10 inches away from your screen. Cross your eyes while staring at her navel. Resume regular vision and see that cartoon big headed alien from the thing on that show on the tv,

11:29 am April, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

I would pay good money to see Tonya kick Zyzz’s ass.

11:47 am April, 20 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Heidi Fleiss + Botox + Steroids = Tonya

11:58 am April, 20 DarkSock said...

She could kegel corn into mayonnaise.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
what?

12:08 pm April, 20 smackdouche said...

I’d pay good money to have Tonya kick my ass.

12:12 pm April, 20 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Sorry, just can’t get that into her. Too skinny. He on the other hand is worthy of a position on this grand site. Get a couple meaningless randomly placed tattoos, young bagling, and you may make a monthly some day.

12:15 pm April, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

I am astounded by her dedication to fitness as I weep into my Nutella.

12:38 pm April, 20 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I just hope “she” has XX chromosomes, not an “XY” pair…just sayin’

1:36 pm April, 20 jonezy said...

When she kegels in Geneva, Higgs boson gets discovered

1:39 pm April, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Her abs are so taut that if you tried to bounce a quarter off them you’d get back change.

1:40 pm April, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Her abs are so taut that if you left a piece of paper on them, you’d get back an origami swan.

3:15 pm April, 20 Douchie Arnaz said...

Dear Rev Kroeger:

When you said “She looks like she’d all energetic and shit in the sack” where do you put the comma?

3:39 pm April, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Edit:
She looks like she would be all energetic and shit in the sack.

5:16 pm April, 20 Douchie Arnaz said...

But then your sack would have shit in it, right?

8:08 pm April, 20 I douche, therefore I am said...

Well, I imagine her turds to be raw diamonds, so that isn’t really a problem.

10:12 am April, 21 IT MUST EAT GRAIN said...

She poops whole grain.

2:09 pm April, 21 Stephanie said...

That guy needs a toilet plunger to the face. He just bothers me.

7:56 pm April, 21 EarSharpener said...

I used to date this hot ass broad. Amanda Chen.

7:51 am April, 22 DarkSock said...

I used to be the inventor of Post-It Notes. Katie Couric.

1:39 am April, 24 Sam Daams said...

For Exif reading, you can use Photoshopped Image Killer. It reads software info and jpeg quantization tables from Exif. Specificially, it can tell you whether image has tags or quantization tables from Adobe Photoshop. The site is free.

Leave a Reply

What is 9 + 12 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)