Friday Haiku (Mr. Scrotato Head Edition)
HCwDB’s Resident Smack-Down Laureate Mr. Scrotato Head kicks off today’s guest-hosted Friday Haiku featuring the e’er-ubiquitous King D:
Betty Keratin
The King sports shades to save eyes
Lamp flares jealously
If you think your sorry ass can top Mr. Scrotato Head, by all means go for it and post your attempt, as always, in the “comments” section.
UPDATE: Here’s Mr. Scrotato’s hand-picked winners.
Silvery duct tape
Keeps blue dress on golden globes
Save some for his mouth
– Douche Wayne
Vermillion shmuck,
Destroys men’s fashion edicts,
“tie should touch the belt”.
-Colossus of Choads
Raging neon burns
Hair on fire without flames
tuck in your shirt douche
– Claude Douchenburg
Image burned in my
screen. Thanks, assholes. Apple Care
won’t cover douche damage.
– Mr. White
Orange you glad boobies
aren’t balloons? Spiked hair’s around:
saline eruption.
– Douchie Arnaz
King D looks like he
is going to prom with his
orange and purple mom
Black and white picture,
Colorized by a blind man
with neon crayons
Once, my cat ate some
Pantone color chips; later,
his puke looked like this.
“Bringing up Rabies”
Another classic ruined
Ted Turner approves
Silvery duct tape
Keeps blue dress on golden globes
Save some for his mouth
I confess: King D
doesn’t bring the rage–ha, ha,
kidding, he’s an ass.
An unnatural
Eye searing blast of colors
Loosens the sphincter
Mommy is so proud
Her son’s prom was successful
Chin Fung “Smell my thumbs”
Tonight’s party theme
Let’s get dressed for tomorrow’s
Painful rapture deaths
If these two mated
The offspring would look like a
Jackson Pollock piece
Vermillion shmuck,
Destroys men’s fashion edicts,
“tie should touch the belt”.
Tie borrowed from Dad
Vest and Pants from brother Jim
Betty by the hour
The winner of the
MIss Spokesmodel contest, shown
here with some woman.
Hey, You! Jackasses!
Go grab those yellow pages
Beat him unconscious
If King lost hair gel
Now where’s your crown King Nothing?
Tie makes a great noose
Hey dudes, is this weird?
I get a raging boner
Jedidiah Bila:
.
And lo! the soft light
blasting from the halogen
highlights her cleavage
Sure, she’s happy now
With them baby birthin’ hips
He can’t produce spawn
Judge him like Judy
For King D deserves to be
Sentenced to death, son!
“I love punk rock!” says
Billie-Joe Armstrong douchebag
“Who are the Ramones?”
Wrinkly untucked mess
Out of place if not at pool
As greasy douchebag
Rented condo is
filled with Bed Bath Beyond crap
Soon, can’t make rent, son.
“No worries!” says douche
as he prepares for court date
“My dad knows the judge!”
^ upon further review, a more appropriate final line:
“My mom ‘knows’ the judge!”
Paintings in background
Know they have no chance against
This hot neon mess
Purple covers boobs
But nothing can shield my eyes
From the neon douche
Raging neon burns
Hair on fire without flames
tuck in your shirt douche
Choose a greater glow,
His pink shirt or her tanned skin?
Nope, it’s the King’s crown
“I’m brighter than they.”
Lamp is not referring to
wattage, as we know.
Image burned in my
screen. Thanks, assholes. Apple Care
won’t cover douche damage.
A surge in voltage,
Thus the neon and his hair,
Goggles do nothing!
When they can’t decide
Some people have their clothing
Puked up onto them
As he walks through her
Valley of Darkness, neon
headlights show the way.
Forget Fukushima
Purple radiation just
Melted eyes and brain
Like Fukushima
Purple radiation just
Melted eyes and brain
Sorry, battling the intense glare made me add an extra syllable.
Figgs are purple-ish
I’m happy to see Freddy
Has shrunk his posse
Looks like our boy Figgs
Has been in Fukushima
Hair still looks the same
No pun, the bright side
of mass nuclear exposure
He is now sterile
Simpsons reference,
He is the real Fallout Boy,
Sucks just like the band
It’s worse than I feared
I have an acid flashback
featuring King D
Now we understand
Why the shades are worn at night
Their clothes are blinding
Yellow Submarine?
I swear I have seen that chick
looks like Blue Meanie
What did I tell you
About your masturbating
While eating Cheetos®?
Hate to diss the boss
But this week has been the best
Hope next week tops it
Peasant in picture
Ponders douche evolution
Orange mams distracting
high dollar escort
low rent douche happy for night
she hopes next axeless
jessica crab-et
radiates like sashimi
after the earthquake
Buxom orange lass
Laughs all the way to the bank
Wank pays for her pose
Seeing her makes me
confess this: I peed in a
tangerine once. FACT!
Ornge you glad boobies
aren’t balloons? Spiked hair’s around:
saline eruption.
I’m running the site
Yet still miss Friday Haiku;
Just fuck me runnin’…
purple plums a-plenty
pink fish slap a-douchy
the end is near… I hear.
Misunderstood Doc
When he said “Eat more carrots”
Fun bags leak V8
Like a 6 pound watch,
The King knows accessories.
Fake is the new black.
King’s crusty coated
cranium crosses carrot
coloured caucasian.
F*ck Darksock running?
With his peen in horse’s butt
I couldn’t catch him
Even the dimming
amber of growing cata-
racts can’t blot this out.
Day-glo colors give
even greater gravitas
to douchebag and Bleeth.