Friday, May 20, 2011

Friday Haiku (Mr. Scrotato Head Edition)

HCwDB’s Resident Smack-Down Laureate Mr. Scrotato Head kicks off today’s guest-hosted Friday Haiku featuring the e’er-ubiquitous King D:

Betty Keratin
The King sports shades to save eyes
Lamp flares jealously

If you think your sorry ass can top Mr. Scrotato Head, by all means go for it and post your attempt, as always, in the “comments” section.

UPDATE:  Here’s Mr. Scrotato’s hand-picked winners.


Silvery duct tape
Keeps blue dress on golden globes
Save some for his mouth

– Douche Wayne

Vermillion shmuck,
Destroys men’s fashion edicts,
“tie should touch the belt”.

-Colossus of Choads

Raging neon burns
Hair on fire without flames
tuck in your shirt douche

– Claude Douchenburg

Image burned in my
screen. Thanks, assholes. Apple Care
won’t cover douche damage.

– Mr. White

Orange you glad boobies
aren’t balloons? Spiked hair’s around:
saline eruption.

– Douchie Arnaz


# posted by Bagnonymous
7:05 am May, 20 idfma said...

King D looks like he
is going to prom with his
orange and purple mom

7:06 am May, 20 Mr. White said...

Black and white picture,
Colorized by a blind man
with neon crayons

7:08 am May, 20 Mr. White said...

Once, my cat ate some
Pantone color chips; later,
his puke looked like this.

7:12 am May, 20 saulgoode42 said...

“Bringing up Rabies”
Another classic ruined
Ted Turner approves

7:12 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

Silvery duct tape
Keeps blue dress on golden globes
Save some for his mouth

7:13 am May, 20 Mr. White said...

I confess: King D
doesn’t bring the rage–ha, ha,
kidding, he’s an ass.

7:14 am May, 20 Vin Douchal said...

An unnatural
Eye searing blast of colors
Loosens the sphincter

7:14 am May, 20 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Mommy is so proud
Her son’s prom was successful
Chin Fung “Smell my thumbs”

7:15 am May, 20 Vin Douchal said...

Tonight’s party theme
Let’s get dressed for tomorrow’s
Painful rapture deaths

7:16 am May, 20 saulgoode42 said...

If these two mated
The offspring would look like a
Jackson Pollock piece

7:16 am May, 20 Colossus of Choads said...

Vermillion shmuck,
Destroys men’s fashion edicts,
“tie should touch the belt”.

7:17 am May, 20 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Tie borrowed from Dad
Vest and Pants from brother Jim
Betty by the hour

7:17 am May, 20 Mr. White said...

The winner of the
MIss Spokesmodel contest, shown
here with some woman.

7:19 am May, 20 Vin Douchal said...

Hey, You! Jackasses!
Go grab those yellow pages
Beat him unconscious

7:19 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

If King lost hair gel
Now where’s your crown King Nothing?
Tie makes a great noose

7:21 am May, 20 Vin Douchal said...

Hey dudes, is this weird?
I get a raging boner
Jedidiah Bila:
.

7:21 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

And lo! the soft light
blasting from the halogen
highlights her cleavage

7:23 am May, 20 Vin Douchal said...

Sure, she’s happy now
With them baby birthin’ hips
He can’t produce spawn

7:26 am May, 20 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Judge him like Judy
For King D deserves to be
Sentenced to death, son!

7:28 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

“I love punk rock!” says
Billie-Joe Armstrong douchebag
“Who are the Ramones?”

7:29 am May, 20 Vin Douchal said...

Wrinkly untucked mess
Out of place if not at pool
As greasy douchebag

7:30 am May, 20 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Rented condo is
filled with Bed Bath Beyond crap
Soon, can’t make rent, son.

7:31 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

“No worries!” says douche
as he prepares for court date
“My dad knows the judge!”

7:34 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

^ upon further review, a more appropriate final line:

“My mom ‘knows’ the judge!”

7:35 am May, 20 saulgoode42 said...

Paintings in background
Know they have no chance against
This hot neon mess

7:42 am May, 20 The Dude said...

Purple covers boobs
But nothing can shield my eyes
From the neon douche

7:48 am May, 20 Claude Douchenbagger said...

Raging neon burns
Hair on fire without flames
tuck in your shirt douche

7:57 am May, 20 Condouchious said...

Choose a greater glow,
His pink shirt or her tanned skin?
Nope, it’s the King’s crown

7:58 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

“I’m brighter than they.”
Lamp is not referring to
wattage, as we know.

7:59 am May, 20 Mr. White said...

Image burned in my
screen. Thanks, assholes. Apple Care
won’t cover douche damage.

8:01 am May, 20 Condouchious said...

A surge in voltage,
Thus the neon and his hair,
Goggles do nothing!

8:02 am May, 20 ehcuodouche said...

When they can’t decide
Some people have their clothing
Puked up onto them

8:03 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

As he walks through her
Valley of Darkness, neon
headlights show the way.

8:03 am May, 20 ehcuodouche said...

Forget Fukushima
Purple radiation just
Melted eyes and brain

8:05 am May, 20 ehcuodouche said...

Like Fukushima
Purple radiation just
Melted eyes and brain

Sorry, battling the intense glare made me add an extra syllable.

8:13 am May, 20 Wedgie said...

Figgs are purple-ish
I’m happy to see Freddy
Has shrunk his posse

8:16 am May, 20 Wedgie said...

Looks like our boy Figgs
Has been in Fukushima
Hair still looks the same

8:21 am May, 20 Condouchious said...

No pun, the bright side
of mass nuclear exposure
He is now sterile

8:22 am May, 20 Condouchious said...

Simpsons reference,
He is the real Fallout Boy,
Sucks just like the band

8:22 am May, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

It’s worse than I feared
I have an acid flashback
featuring King D

8:24 am May, 20 Wedgie said...

Now we understand
Why the shades are worn at night
Their clothes are blinding

8:25 am May, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

Yellow Submarine?
I swear I have seen that chick
looks like Blue Meanie

8:25 am May, 20 Jacques Doucheteau said...

What did I tell you
About your masturbating
While eating Cheetos®?

8:26 am May, 20 Wedgie said...

Hate to diss the boss
But this week has been the best
Hope next week tops it

8:34 am May, 20 Joel said...

Peasant in picture
Ponders douche evolution
Orange mams distracting

8:34 am May, 20 darksouldealer said...

high dollar escort
low rent douche happy for night
she hopes next axeless

jessica crab-et
radiates like sashimi
after the earthquake

8:43 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

Buxom orange lass
Laughs all the way to the bank
Wank pays for her pose

8:52 am May, 20 Mr. White said...

Seeing her makes me
confess this: I peed in a
tangerine once. FACT!

9:03 am May, 20 Douchie Arnaz said...

Ornge you glad boobies
aren’t balloons? Spiked hair’s around:
saline eruption.

9:28 am May, 20 DarkSock said...

I’m running the site
Yet still miss Friday Haiku;
Just fuck me runnin’…

9:30 am May, 20 Banana Hammock said...

purple plums a-plenty
pink fish slap a-douchy
the end is near… I hear.

9:31 am May, 20 Ol' Dirty Douche said...

Misunderstood Doc
When he said “Eat more carrots”
Fun bags leak V8

9:33 am May, 20 Guns-N-Douches said...

Like a 6 pound watch,
The King knows accessories.
Fake is the new black.

9:58 am May, 20 Bag Margera said...

King’s crusty coated
cranium crosses carrot
coloured caucasian.

10:07 am May, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

F*ck Darksock running?
With his peen in horse’s butt
I couldn’t catch him

10:33 pm May, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Even the dimming
amber of growing cata-
racts can’t blot this out.

10:35 pm May, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Day-glo colors give
even greater gravitas
to douchebag and Bleeth.

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