Friday, February 24, 2012
Friday Haiku
The gals were all so
Excited by Vinnie’s crabs…
Until they caught them.
BP CEO
Poses on Gulf vacation
“This tastes so oily . . .”
— Douche Wayne
I can’t hate this guy
he’s old and just wants seafood
with a side of hott
wait, I changed my mind
did not see his six pound watch
tonight, dine IN HELL
— Douche Springsteen
Saggy balls and crabs
Fat wallet, Jersey accent
Golddigging Bleeths win
— Capt. James T. Douche
Short sold Enron stock
Living the dream in Tampa
Still fat, bald, ugly
— Vin Douchal
Macy Gray Can’t sing
Since the gyroscope was put
In her monkey hole.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Ugly with money,
Fresh young Vagina they have,
Match made in Heaven.
— ASvB, aka Yoda
Benetton Beauties
Tony “Crabs” has the right bait
Hook, line and sinker.
Danny DeVito?
Or is it Jack Nicholson?
Those are some old crabs.
BP CEO
Poses on Gulf vacation
“This tastes so oily . . .”
Vinnie with trio of Hotts,
Mayan Eye Sistah,
All say, “Will ___ for seafood.”
The smell of Old Bag
Crabs and the bleeths’ bad snapper
Brings tears to my eyes
Oldbag who has crabs
Bleeths flock to and fro Oldbag
Shave, shampoo for a fortnight
Bleeths smile coyly as
Vinnie gets napkin to wipe
away douche slime trails.
Danny Defeato
Shows us why the girls call him
Mr. Santy Claws
Vinnie holds out hands
as bleeths snap crabs with pooters.
All have nice dinner.
I’ll bet all of you
thought Vinnie lost finger to
crab. Blonde tickled pink.
Fat Albert looks for
gumbo but only finds mix
of douche and bleeth crabs.
I can’t hate this guy
he’s old and just wants seafood
with a side of hott
wait, I changed my mind
did not see his six pound watch
tonight, dine IN HELL
“We have the best crabs
at Vinnies!” says slogan. Too
bad place is junkyard.
Sauteed, steamed, cajun style,
You want mayo?
Foregeddabout.
Vinnie serenades
bleeths with air guitar solo.
Crabs make break for it.
A Greasebag Gorges
The Bleeths giggle stupidly
Fingers reek of fish
Danny Devito
Lost two fingers while crabbing
The Aristocrats
Geezerbag sucks crabs
False teeth plop onto Bleeth crotch
We all want to barf
Saggy balls and crabs
Fat wallet, Jersey accent
Golddigging Bleeths win
(actual commercial still)
Once the girls realized
“It’s Snooki with her weave off!!!”
They begged for a pose.
Mr Tater Head
Mourns at the open casket
Of his red head wife
There’s Delroy Largeman
Killing a large Four Loco
Now buffet must die
Crab stench permeates
Afternoon air thick and foul
Oh, there’s seafood, too
It’s always sunny
When you’ve got the cash to toss
At paid to pose babes
Bleeth Crab Boil poo
Sergeant Bilko Gangsta Signs
Pour some out, Homies
Leisure suit Larry
on his Club Meh vacation,
girls blow for butter.
Macy Gray Can’t sing
Since the gyroscope was put
In her monkey hole.
Never mind the crabs!
That Mulatto will ride your
Face till skin falls off.
Danny Devito
Is in some big shit when his
Wife Carla finds out.
My uncle Rev. Joel
says, “What you think I’m gonna
Be faithful always?”
“So maybe they’e not
Kosher but they taste real
Nice. The crabs good too.”
Rabbi Dingleman
Is a hairy Jew. How hairy?
He caught crab with balls.
“You want I should touch
Shellfish? Neurologists don’t
Do that. Touch my cocck.
How to kill boredom
Hot girls of many flavors
and sweet, sweet crab.
The nursing home girls
Need Walter Mathau’s money
Gives allergic shock
cripes I messed that up, replace second line with:
Wants James Garner’s cash
When you have a guy that looks like him, sitting with girls that look like them, he’s got cash-ola.
–
–
Ugly with money,
Fresh young Vagina they have,
Match made in Heaven.
–
ASvB
Fat pudgy fingers,
How many can they handle?
Wow, three in each one!
–
ASvB
Andrew Zimmern
Lookalike Old Bag
Crab infestation
Instead of Wet-Naps
each diner at Crabby’s gets
own finger-lickers.
Short sold Enron stock
Living the dream in Tampa
Still fat, bald, ugly
Ladies, Daddy Issues
Oldfart douche, midlife crisis
Crab, glad to be dead
It’s about that time
Darksock’s three martini lunch
Front page deadline met
Foxy Brown’s enthralled,
Danny’s pumped for night o’fun;
Plaid man’s sick, ain’t crabs
—
Dan quotes Robocop:
“I’d buy that for a dollar!”
Hotts accept offer
Who would’ve thought that
Jack Nicholson’s Bucket List
Included three chicks?
Old Bag’s one night out
A big shot at Joe’s Crab Shack
With 3 C-list bleeths
Crabs glad to be dead
Rather than have to witness
These 4 in person
Danny DeSpeedo
comes up short, shows how much by
counting on fingers.
Always Sunny In
Philly? Baltimore crab cakes,
hotts look quite tasty.
Ronnie from Joizey
decided ta head sout’ fer
some fun, got some crabs.
Crustacean, he ain’t,
for good or bad; he’s got crust,
but has flabs, not abs.
I got three bitches.
And I got a lot of food.
They’re cheating on me.
Stranger in plaid shirt
Doubled over in background
One clam too many.