Monday, August 13, 2012
HCwDB of the Week: Arturo, Skinny Kathy and that dirty-ass door
DarkSock here, with the keys to the family station wagon for a whole week while DB1 is doing whatever it is they do in Bah-ston, plus occasionally checking in to make sure I don’t put frontal nudity, uncensored curse words and terms like “Monkey Hole” here on the front page.
Now, this is the part where I would typically wax poetic about why Arturo deserves the (semi)coveted ‘Bag o’ the Week (dis)honor. But quite frankly I cannot put it better than long-time lurker Missy, who was moved to opine, “WASH YOUR G*D D*MN DOOR YOU ****ING ASSHOLE”.
Indeed, Missy. Indeed.
Here’s a photograph of a nice clean front door for you, gentle readers, to serve as a palette cleanse to get the taste of door grime out of your mouths.
I love how Skinny (Dirty) Kathy forgot to apply sunscreen, but clearly covered her brand-spankin’ new tattoo so as not to cause fading. She clearly is as stupid as she is skinny (and dirty).
Hey Sock, how ’bout a little pear?
And by a little pear I mean a big pear.
I don’t think I want him to wash his door. If me suspicions are correct Arturos poor hygiene both personal (cheese sac!) and that regarding the space around him will be curtains for this walking meatloaf and his protein jockey Kathy posing with him. That lovely green and black funk (no not the stuff lurking between his crotch and leg) on the door is Stachybotrys chartarum mold which when inhaled under the right conditions can lead to acute idipathic pulmonary hemorrhage or all the sudden your lungs are bleeding and you don’t know why and if you don’t seek treament immediately you’re going to drown on your own blood or even simpler.
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Arturo: “Bro, Bro I’m coughing up blood, my chest hurts and I can’t breath is it from that stuff you shot into me that had a buncha harsh looking words in Spanish and the donkey on the bottle last week?”
‘Roid Bro: “Nah, bro just walk it off, don’t be a pussy just walk it off bro!”
Arturo: “‘Kay Bro, spot me?”
Let the games begin and by games I mean copious portions of Pear.
He hasn’t washed his porch beef since the tiny gyroscope was put into her dysmenhorrea plagued Monkey Hole.
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I am suffering from a Jesus-sized priapism brought on by smoking Cymbalta with chronic weed while watching the Spice Girls reunion.
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British Sluts
I’m pretty sure that’s Crystal who was originally infected by the Smoot. The tattoo’s different now but the stench of shame is still prevalent and unmistakable.
With all this pear flying around this week and how shitty and stressful life is at the moment, I’m gonna have to head to Costco and get the economy size lube, gonna be feeding my lizard hindbrain alot this week and by that I mean I’m gonna be beatin’ my dick like it owes me money and is 2 months over due!!
@Rev, I don’t which was worse… the Spice Girls or uber-Douche Russell Brand butchering the Beatles with his semi-literate affected accent. I guess Brand is worse, because there one talented spice girl, Freaky or Sneazy I think, then there are the others Geriatric Halliwell, Butch, Tosh, and Blimpy.
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On the plus side, Brian May teaches the Chinese a valuable cultural lesson: even British senior citizen / rockstars are cooler than all 11 billion Chinese and you have Mao to thank for that.
@Dude
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Brand was worse. Turned that shitwad off. Still jonesing from the Spicy’s. Cock’s getting old and bored
That little blonde Spice Girl has gone in and out of cute depending on if she was over or under her personal weight “Mendoza Line” of 150 pounds. In England that’s called ten stones or 68 throwing sized pebbles or eight manure filled wheel barrows or whatever system they are on over there.
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I went to On Demand last night to watch some stuff I missed and the boxing was all labeled in “kgs” Fuck that!!, where’s the Welterweights ?!?!?!?! How many KGees does it take to be 140 ponds? Fuck off! Get that shit outta here, NBC and London..!
I didn’t realize until this morning, NBC chose to cut Ray Davies and preempt The Bloody Who in favor of…. what? Brand, that Eurythmics chick who looks like Ellen, that sitcom about bestiality? So major contributors to music history are not quite as important as animals performing to a laugh track. Good to know.
@Vin: I know a little bit about Kg’s. For example, that Blimpy spice chick is more Kg’s than Manny Picquiao (he’s about 52kg or just under 115lbs). That heap of spice has got 30lbs on my man Manny if she’s got an ounce. You will want to check my maths, cuz you saw what I did in my other olympic analysis. Anyway, in a Blimpy Spice vs. Picquiao bout, I’d go with Spice.
Porch Beef? Monkey Hole? It’s still Monday, am I correct?
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I’m glad the damn Olympics are done so I can watch Ellen DeGeneres every afternoon instead of working. She’s really — what channel is she on?
Look at Arturo from the perspective of the child labors that made that shirt. What must they be thinking? I can picture little Wen Chi with that shirt draped over her body like a burial shroud as she sews, wondering what kind of country America must be… do people actually come that large, or do they dress up their cattle? Then the Ling boys, Xao, Bao, and Lao, have the job of stretching out the neck hole to fit giant American heads. They each grab and pull until it’s large enough for all 3 of them to fit inside. They know their exalted leaders want to rule America one day, but how can you rule over giants? Surely these are people are descended from Fangfeng and have the blood of dragons in them. After this the shirt is put onto the machine that dips it in formaldehyde. This fixes the colors and keeps it looking fresh and unwrinkled. It would be poison to the young factory workers, but it just seems to make the Americans grow larger and more angry like Yaoguai demons.
Isn’t that Crystal as in “HCWDB OF THE YEAR: SMOOT AND CRYSTAL” ? She managed to cover up that bad barb wire tattoo with a new, even worse, blue creeping fungus tattoo.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2009/12/18/hcwdb-of-the-year-smoot-and-crystal/
Poor Crystal definitely has a “type” she goes for. Something tells me daddy, who never went to any of Crystals dance recitals, could bench press more than any of the other guys in cell block C.
“Here’s a photograph of a nice clean front door for you, gentle readers, to serve as a palette cleanse to get the taste of door grime out of your mouths.”
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What door? What, is this a secret “Where’s Waldoor?” post?
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Fuccen optical illusions…..
I reckon skinny, skanky Kaffee would totally go off in the sack.
“outta bungwad….me wipe crack on crack of door….take away itch”
Palate cleanse actually works.
Rosary bead tatt and necklace,,,what a fucking Douche.