Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Mutanto The Bug-Eye Freak Hugs Your Sister
That’s just not right.
And by “sister” I mean your hot friend with occasional benefits (office parties and national holidays) whose day job is in accounting but secretly is into the freaky-deaky role play.
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Great, now she has greasy, pungent roid sweat all over her. That stuff doesn’t just wash off.
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Hott chicks with aviator glasses ftw.
I think I know her.
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Oh right- she’s the girl of my dreams.
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Fuck you Jobu!
That isn’t my sister. My sister’s 5’2″ 178 pounds and can break boards with a karate chop.
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Also, her voice can shattered windows, her BM’s can peel paint, her fingernails can perfectly peel an apple, her thighs play “Big Balls” by AC/DC when she wears corduroy and she can craft Big Papi origami figures out of restaurant napkins
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No that’s not my sister.
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On a related note, that General Petraeus was banging the wrong chick. Jill Kelley is tasty
I pine to eat bacon out of her armpits.
I think Petraeus deserves an Honourary Douchebag The Week. Not for banging a very intelligent broad instead of his old wife, but because he let the Machine set him up as a stooge to detract from coverage of the Benghazi cover-up and the Cold Katrina that is developing. I’m going to start building non-formaldihide trailers back in the grove.
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Obama, you are one smart fucker to have the Chicago gang set this up. Now get the people back to work instead of shooting fucking hoops. Use your genius for good and help my brothers and sisters bring back a strong America. Cause when the Prime Minister here is spending all his time looking for new trade partners to replace American demand, it is just sad.
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Et Tu is a gentleman and scholar. I forgot about the points. Close game though.
In the cartoon universe
I sometimes wish I lived in
The dragon on his arm would come to life
And bite off his strangely tiny head
The headless body would jerk violently
Ruptured arteries spewing blood high in the air
Before collapsing to the ground below
Twitching for a few seconds
Finally the movement stops
The head would make a bump
Like a cantaloupe
In the dragon’s body
As it slithers off in search of
A quiet place to digest
That’s how it would be
In the cartoon world
I sometimes wish I lived in
I may be mistaken, but I doubt it. Her bikini cup is scrunched so far over to the side that Mutanto is getting some nippular action on his under-pec.
Mutanto The Bug-Eye Freak bums me out and I’d bang sweet “sister” Sadie here.
Now this fuck up is funny
I love girls that talk about things all up in their snatch. This story about the General is only gonna get funnier.
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A word of advice: don’t forget to file your taxes for 15 years and lose your receipts. Son. And make sure you get set up so you can transfer money into your kids account on the basement computer while your wife serves bad coffee to the agents after you excuse yourself.
The story may get funnier Rev, but it also needs flowchart in order to understand. The General must have been banging his biographer, which is a surefire way to get a positive treatment. That’s just good PR, that is. Well, as long as you are good in the sack and don’t accidentally pee in her mouth or something like that. Somehow this makes him incompetent to do his job… OK, I guess. Then his biographer starts threatening some other cougar, who may or may not be banging Generae Petreaus and Allen. Allen, who may or may not be having a four-way, likes to email sensitive information to his paramour.
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Somewhere in Tuscany, Berlusconi is getting a lapdance from a 14 year old pro and is laughing his ass off.
In other news, this may be the future Mrs. Wallnuts:
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http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57548600/cops-ariz-woman-runs-over-husband-for-not-voting/?tag=re1.channel
This gives me a great idea for a crime thriller trilogy “The Dragon Tattoo with a Douchebag.” Fame and fortune here I come.
Creepy stare from steel wool head.
She should secede from his arms.