Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Meanwhile in Brooklyn…

unnamed (5)

Logan: Hey, Maya! Dig my ironic artisanal scarf!”

Maya: But it’s cold out and most people are wearing scarves, so how is that ironic?”

Logan: Uhm, well, it’s ironic because I, like, totally, am not this guy. I’m just pretending to be a hipster douche. So it’s like mocking the hipster douches, but in such a subtle way that most people can’t tell the diff.

Maya: So, then, if no one can tell the diff, then aren’t you basically just the same thing as the actual hipster douche?

Logan: No, you see, it’s like a test. Those truly in the know can, like, figure out that I’m not really what I seem. And then they and I share a laugh. Ha. Ahah. We are not as we appear.

Maya: Wait, don’t you share a loft in Bushwick with a techno-grunge-synth-pop band featuring two DJs, a didgeridoo and a ukulele player?

Logan: Well… yeah. So?

Maya: I suppose that’s ironic, too.

Logan: Of course. My lifestyle is fully dedicated to postmodern deconstruction of alternative lifestyles as a form of meta-commentary.

Maya: I see. I heard that commentary and dissent merged to form dysentery.

Logan: Whoa! Did you make that up?

Maya: I gotta go. My raccoon has hepatitis.

And…. scene.

What, you thought today would be filled with pics of uberdouche Hanz? Then you get this. Smell it… smell it… smell it… now take it.

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# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
1:10 pm December, 3 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Hell of a lot of vodka in that glass to blot him from her existence!

1:19 pm December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The knit hat is the new tattoo.

1:20 pm December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The knit hat is the new “Pearl Necklace.”

1:20 pm December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The knit hat is the new Auto-Douche Signifier.

1:24 pm December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The knit hat worn indoors earns you a punch in the jejunum.

1:25 pm December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The knit hat worn indoors with a sport coat should result in getting one’s scrotum pierced with blunt and rusty pinking shears.

1:42 pm December, 3 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Somewhere there is a Whole Foods missing a clerk.

1:44 pm December, 3 Capt. James T. Douche said...

His undescended testicle and ergonomic bicycle seat are a frequent topic of his many many conversations.

1:58 pm December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The knit hat worn indoors means that he likes songs that say “hey” or “ho.

1:58 pm December, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Poor Zach Braff hasn’t aged well.

2:19 pm December, 3 Wheezer said...

I’d like Hanz to wear a knit hat…..that covers his face, if not more.
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And a scarf that will provide him autoerotic asphyxiation. Logan here can hook him up…..”ironically,” of course.

2:20 pm December, 3 purpledrank said...

Logan wears his knit cap indoors whilst dining on slow-cooked tails surgically removed from happy oxen who spend their lives listening to Mozart, nestled on a Doona of home-made wholemeal chestnut gnocchi, napped by a jus studded with chunks of oven-roasted then smoked embryonic beetroot and ribbons of black cavelo nero that has travelled only 80 food miles to get here, on the back of the forementioned now-tailless ox.

2:26 pm December, 3 Charles Douchewin said...

It’s ironic that his knit cap is really called a toque toque.
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Also, http://canadadouche.tumblr.com/ : more polite than we are.
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Free Rob Ford!

2:30 pm December, 3 The Dude said...

It would sure be ironic if he got hit really hard by something made of iron. Or a fish.

3:23 pm December, 3 Vin Douchal said...

The Blazer/Jeans look requires a blazer not a suit coat. He fails the internet

3:24 pm December, 3 Vin Douchal said...

He uses that scarf to hypmotize that Olsen twin. That, and an eight of crank

4:01 pm December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^There’s a website devoted to U of T students wearing trending parkas? Next thing you know there will be a site laughing at douchebags

4:56 pm December, 3 The Dude said...

I like the knit hat. It’s the idiot underneath it that has me searching for the proper fish or fish-like smacker.

6:33 pm December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Jacques is right the Douchies go on and they are accompanied by rock epics this year. Bringing in the Slut OF THe YTEAr is Douchey Wallnuts. May he second the slut he nominates. and we listen to some straigtht tunes from a long time ago.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lOQvqkyP30

6:37 pm December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Oops. Wrong video.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oxJDZaLmDg

9:06 pm December, 3 Scooby Douche said...

Eh, stupid, goofy, lacks taste and self-respect…Yes to all of these, but I gotta vote notta. She’s kinda cute though.

6:36 am December, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

In down with The Rev…

6:36 am December, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

^I’m

11:14 am December, 4 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

I’m with Scooby Douche on this one.
.
.
.Gotta say notta….although I still want to smash his smarmy mug into a pile of Free Trade Arabica coffee beans where he is occasionally gainfully employed (ironically of course), after (or is it before?) I force his cutey pie girlfriend to enjoy the spanking she so desperately wants (or is it needs?).

.
.That is all. Back to masturbating.

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