Thursday, January 6, 2005

March Madness Madness with D. Wallnuts

!!rodman 2The March Madness

So here we are again with the whole March Madness thing and it got me thinkin’ about the games we used to influence back in the day. And by “influence” I mean tellin them over-grown, shorts wearin Jamokes that they better do what we says, I says.

We had this guy Pokey Izzo who used to work back there in the training room at the Madison Garden an knew all a the players and knew who was hurt and who was a Hop Head and who had knocked up a dame and such, and he would pass it on to certain parties who knew what to do with such info. Capice?

So anyways, here’s some a my picks for this weekend. Since I don’t know when the Sock will post this here post, I’ll just give you some a my general bettin ideas.

And don’t go askin me about some a these conferences that have who knows who playin who knows where. Na mean? One time this local skel asked me to get down a bet for him on Alcorn State or some shit and so I caved in his mug with a can a scungilli.

The Big East.

Now the Big East ain’t the same Big East it was. Oh sure, some a them teams is the same but there’s a whole bunch a other teams and it’s not as exciting even though they’s still playing in the Garden.

If I was a bettin man, I’d throw some Clams on Xavier to win the whole thing.  In think Xavier is in Cincinatti, which is where that broad who was into the enemas was from. She took a Shrimp Scampi enema one day and had me give her what we used to call The Flesh Plunger. Madon, I held my breath until I busted my nut.

The ACC.

This is another one a them conferences that don’t have the same teams in it that it used to have. I’m not a big fan of the Duke with that coach wit a name I can’t pronounce that looks kinda like a rat.

There ain’t nothin special about pickin 2-1 favorites to win nothin so I like Pitt at 12-1.

If I have action, I want action. Any namby pamby half a Finnoch Chalk Eatin high roller wanna-be can bet on a 2-1 Goose, but if I’m fat with Scarole I want the payoff. Am I right when I say that?

The Big 12.

Kansas is +$220 but their center is gimpy and won’t be playin, so if I was you I’d put a Nickel on Oklahoma State at +$360 but if you was really like me and had the stones to boot you’d go with a Dime on Baylor at +$650.

I was in Waco, Texas once when I was the assistant road manager for Count Basie and his Orchestra and it felt like I was a pizza oven. It was so hot I didn’t even wanna get laid, even though I did.

The PAC 12.

I have a lot a fond memories a the days when John Wooden was at UCLA, and by fond memories I mean I made a ton a Cabbage bettin them. We’d get the Outlaw Line and get the jump on the rest a the average schnooks.

Hey, just because UCLA always won didn’t mean they always covered. We won a lot a bets goin with the Puppy back then.

So I’m likin them Oregon Ducks goin off at 9-2. Quack quack. You could hedge and go smaller with one a the favorites or take some individual games on the Hang Cheng if you don’t have the stomach for the big hit. Them Ducks have them crazy uniforms and I once banged a tattoo artist dame from Portland who loved Cutty on the rocks with an anchovy, or some effin’ thing.

Aright, that’s about it. And remember what my old pal Louie the Shin used to say, “One man’s chicken s another man’s Gumbo.”

# posted by Bagnonymous
8:11 pm March, 17 DarkSock said...

Gimme a buck fifty on Alcorn, DW.

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And by “buck fifty” I mean $1.50.

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Alimony Victims.

5:21 am March, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

“I was in Waco, Texas once when I was the assistant road manager for Count Basie and his Orchestra and it felt like I was a pizza oven. It was so hot I didn’t even wanna get laid, even though I did.”

.

Classic!!!!!!!!

5:32 am March, 18 DarkSock said...

Well I’ll b’damned…Krzyzewski does look like a rat…
a

5:37 am March, 18 Dickie Fingers said...

Seeing how we are in 2005, it behooves you to load up on the Tarheels.

5:39 am March, 18 Dickie Fingers said...

This time travel thing could pay off big.

9:29 am March, 18 Vin Douchal said...

I’ll watch an Oregon Ducks game in any sport any time as long as their tight young fuckables are there

9:30 am March, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Tight young fuckables I says

11:07 am March, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

renoB.

1:55 pm March, 18 hermit said...

Love the NCAA tournament, second best thing in sports next to the NFL playoffs. Sadly, for only the second time since 1973, no Indiana teams representing.

On the bright side is the hilarious SNL skit that played last week during the conference tournaments, where former NBA player Alonzo Mourning shows up at a playground in the hood to convince the young men to sign up for Obamacare. Funny shit!

2:51 pm March, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

My favourite white meet is bratwurst.

9:44 am March, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Ducks are looking good, but Arizona is ranked #5 in the Coach’s poll for a reason. Yeah, Oregon beat them last week at home on senior night, but their basketball program has never had staying power. I grew up in Eugene rooting for the Ducks, and both my parents are UofO alum, but facts is facts. Having Phil Knight bankroll your athletic department isn’t what makes champions. Having research and academics take a distant backseat to athletics and a reputation as a party school is what makes champions (see SEC).

.

And don’t count out UCLA just yet. In fact, don’t EVER count out UCLA. True they may be at the bottom of the top 25 polls but then…wait, what’s this? They just whooped Arizona and took the Pac 12 title? That’s UCLA for ya.

It doesn’t matter though. Pac 12 is going to be a wallflower when the final four rolls around, just like last year.

12:01 pm March, 20 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

In Douchey parlance, “Dere’s always some team cursed with overinflated expectations that squishes like an underdone scungili. Scungili, I says.”

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