Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Pre-Emptive Fraiku

The Prince of SwolesAwright, ye miscreants…I’ma be traveling to Sacramento this week so I am posting this gem early, and will pick them what win teh interwebs around Sunday night or so, depending on airport free wi-fi and/or how many baby Jack Daniels I consume en route back home…so have at:

Begone, Sanskrit Douche!
Holly Hunter Hardbody
And Mons Bridge beckons…

Jacques Doucheteau said…

Party in Vegas,
Family crest, man-faced
hottie, life is good.

She eats Red Lobster
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.

DoucheyWallnuts said…

Building a Mons Bridge
Without a future is quite
Common in Vegas

Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said…

Tatt says “Objects look
bigger when drunk” that’s why Chaz
is always hammered.

hermit said…

How badass is he?
He only cried a little
while getting tattooed

Ed Hardy Har Har said…

If his fingers squeeze her
any harder, will perform
appendectomy!

The Dude said…

Yummie Mons and boobs;
too bad she doesn’t notice
the ‘bag stuck to her

Vin Douchal said…

Script on upper pec
States, “If found unconscious, please
“Use some vaseline”

Charles Douchewin said…

Her glittery cans
can’t distract from… did you say
something? Because, ABS.

Magnum Douche P.I. said…

Crest of the famed Von
Scrote clan. Dishwashers to the
Royal Family

Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said…

Ice Man and Maverick
bury the hatchet after
surgery success.

Vin Douchal said…

How badass is he?
Mom matched swimsuit to DoucheWatch,
Paid for this hooker

She kind of looks like
An Alpha-female with the
Rabid Badger face.
***Rabbi’s Badger? -D.S.***

DoucheyWallnuts said…

Rabid Badger Face
Was punk band I managed in
1982

Charles Douchewin said…

Rabid Badger face
always results from surprise
anal, without lube.

Dickie Fingers said…

His family crest
is a head in a golf bag
on a sunken chest

hermit said…

His hard, icy glare
Belies the fact that inside
he just shit his pants

# posted by admin
11:58 am October, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Party in Vegas,
Family crest, man-faced
hottie, life is good.

3:27 pm October, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She eats Red Lobster
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
.
21

5:12 pm October, 28 FredN. said...

A family crest
Oh an original tat
Missed it by thiiiis much

http://tinyurl.com/nem4loe

6:25 pm October, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Tattooed verse on Pec
Is Autto. The Bleeth is just
Icing on the cake

6:28 pm October, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Building a Mons Bridge
Without a future is quite
Common in Vegas

6:30 pm October, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The cup reveals that
She has a Wet Republic
In her pants, I says

6:31 pm October, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I looked at picture
For 30-minutes before
I saw the douchebag

6:37 pm October, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Like Talking Heads sang
She has Mons Bridge to Nowhere
But I’ll come inside

6:38 pm October, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Enough with the math
Fuck you with the math, I says
It’s no one but us

6:46 pm October, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s impressed that his
family crest reveals long
history of douche.
.
22

6:51 pm October, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Disclaimer on chest
of big schwanz in shorts never
read by drunken bleeths.
.
14

7:12 pm October, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Tatt says “Objects look
bigger when drunk” that’s why Chaz
is always hammered.
.
16

7:49 pm October, 28 hermit said...

How badass is he?
Dude is so badass he chugs
cranberry spritzers
.
Sucks I have to break out the calculator just to post.
.
13

7:52 pm October, 28 hermit said...

How badass is he?
So badass he powerlifts
Jet-puff marshmallows.
.
27

7:54 pm October, 28 hermit said...

How badass is he?
He only cried a little
while getting tattooed
.
16

7:57 pm October, 28 hermit said...

How badass is he?
He sometime won’t clean his room
when mom tells him to.
.
15

7:59 pm October, 28 hermit said...

The math quiz annoys,
But omnipresent top post
pisses me off. Son(s)
.
18

8:44 pm October, 28 hermit said...

How badass is he?
He jacked off a French Poodle
(and he liked it, Son)
.
10

8:45 pm October, 28 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

How badass is he?
Knight in shining armor wears
aqua and pink shorts!
.
Lucky 13

8:47 pm October, 28 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

If his fingers squeeze her
any harder, will perform
appendectomy!
.
7 (th) Son(s)

10:41 pm October, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It put the spinner
In the basket, or it gets
The Hose. The Boner Hose.
.
29x-(5y+4z)=49/5 to the 5th power with Tangency on the plane of the sphere with a vertical asymptote of -6. What is z?
I’ma get stoned noe. Afghooey is the new Lemon Kush. Son. And shit.
29

11:02 pm October, 28 hermit said...

How badass is he?
True tough guy fashion statement:
Wears his hat backwards.
.
12

11:07 pm October, 28 hermit said...

She may be homely
But I’d chew through those sequins
To drool on her nips
.
23

11:21 pm October, 28 hermit said...

Her ass is so tight
Her shit looks like mouse droppings
Smells like corn starch
.
3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286

11:44 pm October, 28 hermit said...

^………son

11:45 pm October, 28 hermit said...

How badass is he?
His cockk’s an assault weapon
But his balls shoot blanks
.
15

1:33 am October, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

He’s so badass, he
Gets his finger in there and
Tight cunt smells like pee.
.
20

4:15 am October, 29 The Dude said...

The hott-douche balance
Teeters between twit and twat
He’s too dumb to smile
.
Spoiler alert: 2+6 = 8 trust me

4:19 am October, 29 The Dude said...

Yummie Mons and boobs;
too bad she doesn’t notice
the ‘bag stuck to her
.
સાત

4:25 am October, 29 The Dude said...

Slapworthy douche claims
Ownership of Tauttie but
His lease will run out
.
పందొమ్మిది

2:54 pm October, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

12

3:08 pm October, 29 Vin Douchal said...

One silent quick pull
Releases biznatch trap door
Smells like last night’s sex
.
.
8 – Yay ! – Yaz!

3:10 pm October, 29 Vin Douchal said...

Coat of Pits tattoo
She looks like she wears the cock
Strap-on cock, I says

3:17 pm October, 29 Vin Douchal said...

Script on upper pec
States, “If found unconscious, please
“Use some vaseline”
.
.
17- LOOOOooooOOOch !!

4:00 pm October, 29 Charles Douchewin said...

The top post persists.
Then, we endure pointless math.
First class mock prevails.
.
.
Eleventeen

4:02 pm October, 29 Charles Douchewin said...

Her glittery cans
can’t distract from… did you say
something? Because, ABS.
.
.
Sixtythreeth

4:11 pm October, 29 Charles Douchewin said...

How badass is he?
You ask: “What’s the time?”, he says:
“It’s time to get ill!”
.
.
.
&#8734

4:14 pm October, 29 Charles Douchewin said...

&#8734 = ∞

6:38 pm October, 29 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Crest of the famed Von
Scrote clan. Dishwashers to the
Royal Family

8:19 pm October, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Ice Man and Maverick
bury the hatchet after
surgery success.
.
ein und schwanzig

8:23 pm October, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

How badass is he?
White Tamagotchi watch still
has living kitten.
.
four squared

8:50 pm October, 29 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Small ham dangler strap
and her firm round melons cause
me to mess my pants

8:56 pm October, 29 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

How badass is he?
He spanks monkey to Better
Homes and Gardens mags

9:15 pm October, 29 Vin Douchal said...

How badass is he?
Mom matched swimsuit to DoucheWatch,
Paid for this hooker

11:23 pm October, 29 hermit said...

Her ass is so tight
Her deli-style turds are sliced
Like Kosher roast beef
.

12:26 am October, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

She’ll give him Hate Fuck
Because she’s self-loathing Bleeth
And he’s a douchebag

12:28 am October, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Don’t let the hotness
Fool you. Her undercarriage
Smells like Fumunda

12:33 am October, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her nubile Mons Bridge
Masks the Meat Curtain Horror
Lurking down below

12:37 am October, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I would wax her Ninns
With gusto despite her taste
In docuhebags and drinks

12:40 am October, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Felching Fiona
Fraternizes quite freely
With fucking frat boy

12:45 am October, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sweet Tebus! That is
My Superfriend Hannah Starr
She gives me the head.
.
15 for fuck sakes
.
http://superfriendhannahstar.com/photo_albums/7509

12:46 am October, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Body to die for
But the head needs paper bag
I’d still hit it, Sons

12:52 am October, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She kind of looks like
An Alpha-female with the
Rabid Badger face.
.
12″

11:26 am October, 30 The Dude said...

He remains a turd his whole life long
This dumb swine grabbing Taut Hottie™
Is all kinds of wrong
.
Wer nicht liebt wein weib und gesang
Er ist ein narr sein leben lang
.
Ein Große Schwanstücker

11:28 am October, 30 The Dude said...

^ that’s what I get for putting coffee in my morning shot.

11:56 am October, 30 The Dude said...

should be:
.
He remains a turd
His whole life long. This dumb swine
Is all kinds of wrong.

12:32 pm October, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Rabid Badger Face
Was punk band I managed in
1982

12:54 pm October, 30 Charles Douchewin said...

Rabid Badger face
always results from surprise
anal, without lube.

3:58 pm October, 30 Dickie Fingers said...

His family crest
is a head in a golf bag
on a sunken chest

4:49 pm October, 30 Magnum Douche P. I. said...

Douchebag’s nipples are
so small that he breastfeeds small
woodland animals

5:36 pm October, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

National Hermit
Day was yesterday. Did our
Hermit celebrate?
.
26

6:25 pm October, 30 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Douchebag’s nipples are
so small he breastfeeds his bros!
They leak out Grey Goose!
.
FOURTEEN!

6:42 pm October, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Hate Fuck or Punch Sex
She’s into it all. Douchebag
Can’t keep up with her

8:41 pm October, 30 hermit said...

Definitely, Doc
I celebrate every day
Get hammered, pass out
.
9+6=15, but I’m not a human, so go fuck yourself WordPress.

8:43 pm October, 30 hermit said...

By the way, keep those haikus coming, only 96 hours ’til judgment day Son(s).
.
23

9:14 pm October, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Three little spinners,
Two with a bow. One bangs the
Drums. I got a boner.
.
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152605007609569&set=vb.127231444568&type=2&theater 13

9:39 pm October, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Have any of you fine
Gents yet succumbed to aging
Anal sphincters.Yuck.
.
21

9:40 pm October, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m either starting
To spring a leak or my sharts
Are getting wetter.
.
21

10:49 pm October, 30 hermit said...

How badass is he?
He robs the neighborhood kid’s
Halloween candy
.
22

10:51 pm October, 30 hermit said...

His hard, icy glare
Belies the fact that inside
he just shit his pants
.
17

11:00 pm October, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uweFmRFwcWE
.
9 Quit toying with us like your little interwheb puppets Dark Sock. And for fuck sakes put the new post at the fucking top of the page.

1:10 am October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

She has great plucking
Technique. By technique I mean
I have a boner

1:31 am October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Is it for fuck sakes or fuck’s sake?
.
Fuckers
.
15

1:33 am October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Hot violin chicks
Are hard to come by. And they’re
Hard to come on, too

1:35 am October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Is banging anal
Fissure considered anal
Sex? Just wondering…

1:38 am October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Is a fistula
Like an asshole or is it
A fuckin disease?

1:39 am October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Which is worse, anal
Or a vaginal prolapse?
Asking for a friend

1:46 am October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

A hemorrhoid can
Ruin good anal session
It blocks the pucker

3:24 am October, 31 The Dude said...

TOXICITY gals
Stiffen The Dude’s trouser snake
Straddlevarius
.
Thanks Rev
.
What is 9+11 and why?

10:29 am October, 31 hermit said...

Friday Haiku, WOOOT!
Let’s get this party started!
Uhhh………I gots nuthin’
.
15

10:58 am October, 31 hermit said...

I do dig the post-pubescent fiddlers and shit. I’m particularly intrigued by the autistic Jewess on drums. She reminds me of a time, some thirty years ago, when I used to bang young chicks on the semi-reg. I once hooked up with a manic-depressant grocery clerk who talked non-stop even during intercourse. She insisted on being on top and would shake her hips like a rapid-fire ferret on a meth buzz, all the while making small talk and shouting obscenities. She used to work my nut sack like Charles Bronson.
.
Good times.
.
16

10:59 am October, 31 hermit said...

^metaphorically of course.

11:18 am October, 31 hermit said...

I detect a whiff of mutiny in the air.
Our Administrator seems to be engaging in subtle, psychological manipulation. He buries each new post below the odious top one which is tantamount to dry-waterboarding.
I’m sure he’s somewhere laughing as we are forced, in anguish and shame, to attempt complex mathematical equations for the simple privilege of commenting.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday Haiku?
Forbid it Almighty God!
.
I’m reporting this shit to DB1.
.
20

11:20 am October, 31 hermit said...

Oh yeah. Sacramento? I cry Bullshit!!
Right now he’s hailing a taxi at LAX on his way to Santa Anita to watch him some Breeder’s Cup live porn action.
.
Damn Him!
.
20 again

12:22 pm October, 31 hermit said...

Happy accident

27

12:34 pm October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The older I get the more I revel in past sexual conquests. Somewheres around 1990 I was at the local car wash in the early afternoon and there was only one other car in line, a new Lexus and the driver was a hot business woman who at the time had to be about 15 years older than my late 20s.
.
We made some small talk, she asked me what I did, I returned the question, she told me she was in between appointments, I made a comment that I wished I was her next appointment, she asked me where I lived – 3-minutes away – and the next thing I know I’m balls deep and sure enough she missed the rest of her appointments.
.
This was before cell phones so she asked to use my phone to call her office and I told her the only way I’d let her was if I could fuck her while she was on the phone. Of course she acquiesced….
.
She left the next morning, but came back that Friday afternoon and didn’t leave til Sunday night…

12:53 pm October, 31 FredN. said...

DW above has a great haiku tag line: “Asking for a friend”

Should see how many haikukuku’s we can make a la ‘asking for a friend’

1:16 pm October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I like that idea…what’s 7 + 4? Asking for a friend…

1:18 pm October, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I asked for a friend
Once. Her Flaming Lips caused
My nose Gin Blossoms.
.
11

1:29 pm October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Banging Sis-in-law
What’s the worst that can happen?
Asking for a friend…

2:09 pm October, 31 DoucheyWallnuts said...

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2014-10/uom-sfa103014.php
.
Are you a sexual deviant?

2:10 pm October, 31 FredN. said...

Hot’s adams apple
pretty big; any worries?
Asking for a friend

2:13 pm October, 31 FredN. said...

Can you get Hep C
from felching Vegas escorts?
Asking for a friend

2:14 pm October, 31 FredN. said...

Are sex offenders
barred from Halloween parties?
Asking for a friend

5:58 pm October, 31 The Dude said...

Is Preemptive ‘ku
Like Pro-bio colon pills?
Asking for Rev Chad

6:27 pm October, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I bought a cow to
Clog my colon. Black Angus.
Asking for a friend.

6:28 pm October, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

A farmer disliked
The value I put on his.
Asking for a friend.

6:30 pm October, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Land. Said I was rude
Stoned, drunk and poorly dressed. I
Asking for a friend.
.
24

6:33 pm October, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Hate being told I
Am poorly dressed and late. I’m
Asking for a friend.
.
7

7:12 pm October, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

100

10:29 pm October, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Is it cool to give
Candy out from my pocket?
Asking for a friend?
.
26

11:15 pm October, 31 The Dude said...

O. M. G. it’s the
Children of the Kandy Korn!
Day of the Dead next
.
20

11:18 pm October, 31 The Dude said...

Do Trick-or-Treaters
Run Away from grumpy Dudes?
Asking for a friend?
.
15

1:22 am November, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

She says she’s 18
And can keep secret. Should I?
Asking for a friend…

1:31 am November, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Hand job from Tranny
Does it make guy a homo?
Asking for a friend…

2:03 am November, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

What if one wanted
To hate fuck/maim Lisa Ling.
Asking for a friend..12

2:04 am November, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Anybody here
Ever hear of Jian Ghomeshi?
Asking for a perv.
.
7

3:36 pm November, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Fantasies about
Dwarf amputees. Is that wrong?
Asking for a friend…
.
11

4:24 pm November, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Have you ever watched
MilkyEnema.com?
Asking for a friend…
.
http://fck-c01.empflix.com/dev1/0/004/679/0004679436.mp4?key=e472140ec9079d899beb0be97c56457b&src=emp&hd=1&domain=emp480p&seek=range

9:08 pm November, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Link is fucked Douchey
But does this give a Renob.
Asking for a friend?
.
http://www.redtube.com/6035

10:09 pm November, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Is it wrong to get
Married to another dude
In Egypt. DAm straight.
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMPhcV6uJNE
.
16

3:46 pm November, 2 hermit said...

^ After the townsfolk found about it, these two were…
………..STOOOOOONED!!!!!!!!!!!
.
15

7:41 pm November, 2 DoucheyWallnuts said...

http://www.redtube.com/519919

4:41 am November, 3 DarkSock said...

Yo I gots nothing
To do with the math questions;
Don’t even know math…
.
16?

3:10 pm November, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Rev Chad is on a two-week sabbatical to finish his thesii.
.
Week One: Get drunk and stoned as fuck on the Afghooey and quarts of Quebec small-batch beer. (Only hipsters call em microbrews, and Eastern elites.
.
Week Two: Copy>Paste>A few new thoughts>Copy>Paste.
.
Speaking of booze, this once may smell like poon given the name.
.
http://www.belghbrasse.com/products/?lang=en

7:19 pm November, 4 Vin Douchal said...

I have a question:
.
How can a woman as fuccen incredible looking as THIS exist. My GAWD
.
.
fuccen 14

8:37 pm November, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^I’d like to bite her Pussycunt and stick my tongue up her fuckhole and ass flesh star.
.
Stoooooooooned.

9:37 pm November, 4 Vin Douchal said...

I’d like to bite her ass flesh star, stick my tongue up her fuckhole and take her Pussycunt out to dinner. At like, In ‘n Out Burger and such. Son
.
She is the perfect specimen of the female form, gonna need to up my internet stalk game to find out more……..

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