Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Chronic Scrotatic Syndrome

While we’re tallying up the HCwD of the Year voting, Baron Von Douchausen writes in to bring all of our attention to the horrible and debilitating ‘bag disease, “CSS.”

Please won’t you think of the ‘bag children? Won’t somebody think of the ‘bag children?

I remember just a short time ago (maybe a month) when I was a virgin baghunter. My excitement seemingly knew no bounds. Now, I am sad to say, I’ve been diagnosed with a Chronic Scrotatic Syndrome (CSS). CSS, according to the DSM-IV, manifests itself with alternating fits of uncontrollable anger and unconsolable sadness. Many misdiagnose it as bi-polar disorder.

According to the New England Journal of Medicine, CSS is suffered by males of any race who are subjected to witnessing the public displays of affection between beautiful women and “disgusting greasebags” (Schmidt, 1998). Advanced CSS is suffered by those who actively seek out hottie/bag action (Vitalini, 2005). Apparently, afflicted individuals become addicted to inexpensive alcohol-dense beverages and simple carbohydrates typically found in Lil’ Debbie or Hostess snacks.

The only known treatment–there is no known cure (Hoffer, 1999)–is to find a hottie of one’s own and humiliate her publicly with your hand gestures and tongue lolling (Schmidt & Dingle, 2003). It is not necessary to develop a relationship with the hottie (Dingle, 2004).

# posted by douchebag1

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