Monday, December 4, 2006

HCwD of the Month

Well here it is, folks, the moment you’ve been waiting for. The long awaited smackdown of smackdowns. Clash of the Douchebags. Mad Max in Beyond Doucherdome. Driving Mrs. Douchey (wait, that last one doesn’t really work). Which one of these four candidates will join our hallowed Hall o’ Scrote with such classics as Glinty and Dung Beetle? Only you can make that determination.

Sure I could ramble on a bit more about how deserving all of these HCwDotW winners are to enter the next level of noxious odor, but you already know all that. You see the dripping hair gel on their douchey foreheads. You smell the Tag Bodyshots and are blinded by the ‘bling. So without futher ado, here are our candidates for Hot Chick with Douchebag of the Month:

HCwDotW #1: The ‘Bagsgiver

It’s rare to see the HCwD phenomenon so utterly stripped to its bare essentials, rendered naked in all its douchey glory, but here it is — all that is unholy and wrong with douchebaggery and the hotties who love them.

This one’s killed some of this site’s readers with heart conditions. It hurts on a gut level. Not to mention a puke level.

As others have wondered, what is the backstory here? How could sweet young nymphs not see this pukey pud as the pile of poo he really is? And do I score any points for the alliteration in that last sentence?

HCwDotW #2: BloomBag and the Striped Raven

An underrated HCwD explosion, not as obvious as the ‘BagsGiver, but still high on the upchuck factor. To quote Chet in Weird Science, “How about a nice, greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?”

Well Chet, here it is. A greasy pork sandwhich served in an ashtray. And Striped Raven makes me all sorts of tingly in ways I haven’t felt since we rigged up cable to get the Playboy channel in 8th grade. Well, we turned the T.V. to channel “4” instead of “3” and put cable a station lower, but we mostly got static. But clear sound. And when you’re thirteen and could hump a tree, Playboy channel sound is good enough.

HCwDotW #3: Socrates Douche

Never underestimate the power of scrote in a pic where you could power North Korea by burning the oil off this guidobag’s forehead.

Not to mention fake-ID hottie on the right is simply delectable. I would drift off to sleep between her cleavite while dreaming of cotton candy.

HCwDotW #4: Pat

Pat hurts on a completely different level from the other scrotes. He’s unnerving. It’s like that old Twilight Zone where they unwrap the woman in the hospital who’s head is bandaged, only to reveal all the doctors really look like Pat.

Where’s Rod Serling when you need him?

Anyways, there you have it, four worthy candidates. The ‘BagsGiver has to be the early favorite for the sheer power of naked hotness, but the other three pics have hotness of comparable worth. Not to mention scrote of comparable douchebaggery.

This is no runaway doucheslide. Think long and hard. Which of these four pics most makes you want to shoot yourself in the head with a nailgun? Which combos contain BOTH the elements of the worst of American Douchebaggery and Young Hotness? Which makes you want to down HoHos with a bottle of Irish Rose? Oh wait, that last one was just for me.

Have at it, fellow ‘bag hunters and hotties. Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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