Monday, December 18, 2006

HCwD of the Year: The 'Bag Smackdown

Well folks, here it is. Since I’m a hung over douchebag with crumbs on his shirt, I only managed to get all the way to a HCwD of the Month contest three of the eight months since I started this site, but in a way that kind of works out since it means we’ll only have three finalists for this coveted and valuable honor.

Yup, it’s that time. The Hot Chicks with Douchebags pic of the Year. It’s your turn to pick the ultimate in douchebaggery/hottie combination. Douchebag nation turns its scrotey eyes to you… woo woo woo…

These three pics managed to beat the odds, to slay the Pats of the world, to defeat the Labor Day ‘Bags to make it all the way to the top (bottom?) of the pile of greased up scrote. Actually there was a fourth HCwD of the Month when after hearing “You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful” one too many times on the radio I made James Blunt an automatic HCwD of the Month winner, an award well deserved. But since voting wasn’t involved, I’m leaving BluntBag out of this contest.

Think. Contemplate the horror of each pic. The greasy douchitude. The sexy hottie. The combination that makes you want to slam your head in a 19th Century drilling press until block letters are stapled on your forehead.

But I’ve rambled enough. In the festive holiday spirit, let us tip our cups of egg nogg to the skeeziest of the scrotes and the sexiest of the hotties.

Three enter. Only one will exit with the crown. Which one will it be?

HCwD of the Month #1: Glinty


The very first winner of the HCwDotM contest and still a fan fave, Glinty’s lazy eye and shiny belt buckle bling still annoy fans by the thousands. His perfect wispy gelled hair and his two utterly fantastic chickas almost render his chin pubes as a form of Shakesperean performance art. You can see those chin pubes performing at the Joseph Papp theater, “Hark! What douchebag through yonder window breaks! It is the East, and Glinty is a giant ball of scrote.”

And the fantastic, enhanced dark haired beauties don’t hurt neither.

HCwD of the Month #2: Socratic Douche


On the other spectrum from chin pubes reading Shakespeare is Socrates and his philosophic douchitude. He thinks, therefore he’s douche.

S.D. is one of those Energizer Bunnies of scrote. Below the radar he just keeps going and going. Virtually ignored when he first appeared on the site, his shiny forehead continues to be an irresistable draw for his ascension up the douchebag ladder. Not to mention his sexy blond little hamantashens. Mmm, I’d dip them in strawberries and whipped cream and gargle them like windex.

HCwD of the Month #3: Dung Beetle


One of those pics who’s douchitude/hotness factors caused some readers of the site to kill themselves, driving down readership badly. (note to self, try not to cause fans to kill themselves)

Dung Beetle burrows to the steaming stench of douchebaggery in all sorts of wrong ways. And featuring perhaps one of the most fantastic beauties this side of a Miss USA coke party, this pic elevates on a number of primary HCwD levels.

It really kind of sucks to have to pick one of these pics for ascension into the hallowed Hall o’ Scrote as our first HCwDotY winner. Maybe we should just give all three a Douchie Award and call it a night.

But no, that would do a disservice to our role in the cosmic plan. So get off yer ass and put down that coffee. It’s Monday morning, and you gotta pick one, and only one, pic to win.

None of this is easy folks. Believe you me, I feel your pain. All three make you want to down shots of cyinide laced apple cider. As always, enter your vote in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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