Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDotY Voting Still Open

HCwD of the Year voting is still open, mainly because I’m a lazy git who hasn’t tallyed up the votes yet. However the actual entry dropped off the main page so you can access it By clicking here.

As always, make sure to only vote once, explain your reasons for voting, and remember to factor in BOTH hottie hotness and douchebag douchebagginess for the total effect of each pic.

I’ll post the results tomorrow, and then we’re on to the end of the year Douchie awards. And to the Big Red fans out there, don’t you worry your heads, B.R. will get a Douchie too. Can’t forget the Big Red.

Enter the Douchebag

Let there be no confusion. Douche Lee is not “man” nor “woman.” Douche Lee has no time for such petty categorizations and spiritually vapid gender classifications.

Douche Lee is a higher level of spirit. A far more expansive plateau of existence. He has no time for your attempts to classify him. He is both chick and douche, male and female, in one Yin/Yang corporeal body of earthly manifestation.

Do not doubt the Douche Lee. For he will only grow douchier.

Instead let us all bow to the gender confusing Pat-level Zen Master. Like an apparition he graces our site in brief pixelated form, only to move on to corral hotties with his mystifying douche powers forever more.

Lets us take a moment to nod our collective heads and honor Douche Lee for his brief appearance in our lives. He has touched all of us. Perhaps in inappropriate ways. But his legend has only grown. And like all douche legends, we will sing songs to his memory around the campfire for many a moon. Many a lonely Douche Lee moon.

Douche Lee

There is a legend that even the boldest and most experienced ‘bag hunters whisper about with fear and awe. A ‘bag whose existence itself is more rumor and myth then fact. A famous Zen Douchebag who legend has it has wandered the ancient sprawling hills of mainland China for eons. A zen ‘bag master who goes simply by the name, “Douche Lee.”

But now, for the first time, a reader believes he’s snapped actual photographic evidence of this all powerful ‘Bag Master in action.

Here is what appears to be the legendary Douche Lee caught in full on mystical douche action. He may be hard to see in the pic (he’s in the back center), but like with The Loch Ness Monster or BigFoot, the elusive Douche Lee can not be easily captured nor observed working his douchey magic.

(click on pic for a closer examination of this startling discovery)

Note the ‘bag master shirt, bizarre glasses and rare cigarette ‘bag hand gesture #105 (a move only a stage-4 ‘bag master can attain). Observe the ring of hotties worshipping in the presence of this skinny hip-hop Asian wigga. I don’t know about you, but I’m convinced. Here, for the first time, we have actual evidence of uber-douchosity of the one and only Douche Lee.

He is real. Oh yes. He is real.

Jim the Coffee Scrote

We haven’t had a lot of Office ‘bags on the site, those everyday scrotes who make all the women in the office feel uncomfortable and then bust out the douchebag moves at the office holiday party or when out drinking.

Office ‘bags, like Jim the Coffee Scrote here, are stage-1 ‘bags, basically on the level of a tonguebag or awkward nerdbag. Like the many high school ‘baglings we’ve seen, office ‘bags aren’t remotely on the greased up shiny forehead and excessive bling level yet. But they want to be. Just like Jim here.

As to the lineup of barely 18 hotties, I will simply thank God for miniskirts and call it a day.

Red Tie

Here’s another light HCwD snack while we digest the HCwD of the Year and figure out the how to break down the Douchie Awards by category. As to Electic Hair Orchestra here, I loved guitar heavy mod rock as much as the next guy, but man, ditch the red silk tie before I set your face on fire. Back in the early 90s during the Ian Ziering “Red Tie” period (1990-1992) it would’ve made you douchebag. Today it’s like entering the hyper-scrote zone. The hottie appears to be 17-ish, so I will simply admire that artwork on the wall. That is fine, fine artwork.

I’m thinking I’ll set up a few select Douchie Award votes for the major categories, and then I’ll give out a few more to my favorites over the past year as sort of an Oscar parallel “Irving G. Doucheberg Award.” Ya know, those honorary lifetime achievement kinda things where old people get to pretend they’re still relevant.

Man oh man, so much hottie/scrote to go through, so little time. They almost all deserve an award (and by award I mean “spew”).

Fishhead

I can’t tell what’s driving me to distraction more, the fantastic dual cleavite on display or seeing Tarantino ‘Bag’s creepyass hand gripping the sultry diamond on the right’s arm. Fishhead needs to be wrapped up in yesterday’s newspaper and put in a freezer somewhere. That chin alone deserves a Douchie Award.

Although now that I think about it, ChinBags may be one of the most competitive Douchie categories we have. There have to have been at least thirty or thirty five douche chins in the past few months alone.

Site Sponsor: EvilEye Clothing

As some of you may have noticed, HCwD got its first monthly sponsor this month, EvilEye Clothing, whose banner is up top. Check out their stuff, some very cool t-shirt designs, and the site owner assures me that the shirts are excellent as karmic douchebag repellent in addition to providing the type of mystical protection that the poor hotties on the left desperately need right about now. Look at that creepy haired chinbag giving us the ‘eye.’ Maybe we need a subsection, the evil eyed Thomas Dolbags and the hotties who are polluted by them.

So special props to EvilEye for being this month’s HCwD sponsor. If anyone else is interested in sponsoring the site, drop the DB1 a line.

And fer chrissakes people, if you haven’t voted in the HCwDotY, do it!! What are you waiting for? If you don’t vote, I’ll sick Old No. 7 on your sorry ass.

Three Little PigBags

I’ve been staring at this pic for an hour (probably because I have no life) and I can’t figure it out. Where is ‘Bag Hand Gesture #60 coming from? Is it growing out of the back of brunette’s head? Or perhaps one of thug douche’s piercings has mutated into a new life form trying desperately to escape his facial pubes and is flagging us down begging for our help?

The hand angle just bothers me. But not as much as the three lurking creepbags in the back.

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me…

Orange 'Bag

Orange ‘Bag Says, “Don’t Forget to Vote for the HCwD of the Year!”

The Douchie Awards

Since it’s the end of the year and we’re voting on the HCwD of the Year, it’s time to think about the Douchies. There were many fine examples of rank douchitude and the hotties who love them that didn’t make it to the final round but deserve their own recognition with a Douchie Award.

Any suggestions for categories and finalists? As douchestar runner notes in the comments thread, what about Purple Lips? Jon Bon Douchey? Big Red? The Shocker? Labor Day ‘Bag? The Holy Douche Spirit? The Holy Grail? So much putrid scrote to honor. So little time.

Should we give a special award to the lovely Hippie Chick who kept us warm after first horrifying us with her appearance next to The Joker back in April?

Lets come up with some good categories and then we’ll start handing out the awards.