Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDotM Voting Still Open

Douchestar Runner asks a good question in regards to the HCwDotM voting:

DB1–correct me if I’m wrong here, but the 4 pictures here are the only things we’re voting on, right? A ‘bag’s previous pictures, myspace pages, testimonials from friends, etc… should not be criteria used for voting.

That is correct. Extratextual information should not inform the voting process, however if a ‘bag has made previous appearances on this site in other pics (like Pat, or W.C.), it is acceptable to take that into secondary consideration.

However the power of the HCwD pic should lie in the total emotional experience of just that pic. On its own. So whomever “Pat” is in real life should not affect your vote so much as whether Pat, or the ‘Bagsgiver or BloomBag make you most want to slam your head in a car-door while dreaming of his hottie’s creamy thighs.

And no changing votes. I got enough problems trying to add up the tally without higher math getting involved. But god damn, that’s a funny-ass thread. Some genius comments in there. A definite classic.

Dumbo

This elephant eared, sneering, ‘bag hand gesture #94 making turd muncher is the perfect douche to fire up the energy and piss me off enough to motivate for the day. I get that vaguely Australian vibe, which as anyone who’s ever been to a youth hostel anywhere in the world knows, has produced it’s share of its own form of unique douchebaggery.

Which brings up the question, wtf Australia? Are there any people actually living IN your country? Or is everyone simply camped out at Youth Hostels all across Europe and the U.S.?

I love hottie on the right. Love that pouty stare and English bob cut. She’s like an S&M Edith Wharton heroine. I’d let her spank me while correcting my grammar and preparing four o’clock tea.

Creepy McGee

I feel like Creepy’s been on the site before, but once again, damn you, cheap wine! My brain addled state is no way to go through life, son. Elfen cuties are a little strange looking, thy make me want to protect them in the battle for Mordor. But I’d still celebrate their curves in a rousing game of dwarf tossing.

And no, “dwarf tossing” is not a metaphor for wanking.

Anyways, this lesser inverted ‘bag sandwich combo is merely a side dish as we see which way the HCwDotM contest is heading. I’m surprised to see Pat picking up so much steam, but know that all our candidates are worthy of The Hall of Scrote, a subsection of the site I will be putting together whenever I learn how to actually code HTML.

In the meantime, mmm… coco puffs…

Jiffy Pop

I remember back at summer camp when we’d sit around the campfire popping Jiffy Pops on the flames, and the aluminum popcorn bag would slowly form into the shape of this scrote’s head.

Okay, hottie isn’t that hot, but she does have a fantastic back. But there was no way Jiffy Pop shouldn’t get some douchespect on the site, what with exploding hair and the horrifying red-silk-shirt and black-tie combo that went out when Robert Palmer died (RIP).

Not to mention that drink. What male organism this side of Pat holds a drink like that?

EDIT: Damn, if Rogue is under age, I’m getting old. She looks 19 to me.

Oily and Rogue

I have a definite thing for Anna Pacquin’s “Rogue” in X-Men, and so for that reason this Rogue-hottie and her creepy ‘bag are a nice afternoon chaser while we contemplate the explosion of scrote in the HCwDotM thread.

Speaking of, God damn, those are some funny-ass comments. Keep ’em coming. I have a feeling this is going to be a tight vote. Almost as tight as Pat’s cooch.

HCwD of the Month

Well here it is, folks, the moment you’ve been waiting for. The long awaited smackdown of smackdowns. Clash of the Douchebags. Mad Max in Beyond Doucherdome. Driving Mrs. Douchey (wait, that last one doesn’t really work). Which one of these four candidates will join our hallowed Hall o’ Scrote with such classics as Glinty and Dung Beetle? Only you can make that determination.

Sure I could ramble on a bit more about how deserving all of these HCwDotW winners are to enter the next level of noxious odor, but you already know all that. You see the dripping hair gel on their douchey foreheads. You smell the Tag Bodyshots and are blinded by the ‘bling. So without futher ado, here are our candidates for Hot Chick with Douchebag of the Month:

HCwDotW #1: The ‘Bagsgiver

It’s rare to see the HCwD phenomenon so utterly stripped to its bare essentials, rendered naked in all its douchey glory, but here it is — all that is unholy and wrong with douchebaggery and the hotties who love them.

This one’s killed some of this site’s readers with heart conditions. It hurts on a gut level. Not to mention a puke level.

As others have wondered, what is the backstory here? How could sweet young nymphs not see this pukey pud as the pile of poo he really is? And do I score any points for the alliteration in that last sentence?

HCwDotW #2: BloomBag and the Striped Raven

An underrated HCwD explosion, not as obvious as the ‘BagsGiver, but still high on the upchuck factor. To quote Chet in Weird Science, “How about a nice, greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?”

Well Chet, here it is. A greasy pork sandwhich served in an ashtray. And Striped Raven makes me all sorts of tingly in ways I haven’t felt since we rigged up cable to get the Playboy channel in 8th grade. Well, we turned the T.V. to channel “4” instead of “3” and put cable a station lower, but we mostly got static. But clear sound. And when you’re thirteen and could hump a tree, Playboy channel sound is good enough.

HCwDotW #3: Socrates Douche

Never underestimate the power of scrote in a pic where you could power North Korea by burning the oil off this guidobag’s forehead.

Not to mention fake-ID hottie on the right is simply delectable. I would drift off to sleep between her cleavite while dreaming of cotton candy.

HCwDotW #4: Pat

Pat hurts on a completely different level from the other scrotes. He’s unnerving. It’s like that old Twilight Zone where they unwrap the woman in the hospital who’s head is bandaged, only to reveal all the doctors really look like Pat.

Where’s Rod Serling when you need him?

Anyways, there you have it, four worthy candidates. The ‘BagsGiver has to be the early favorite for the sheer power of naked hotness, but the other three pics have hotness of comparable worth. Not to mention scrote of comparable douchebaggery.

This is no runaway doucheslide. Think long and hard. Which of these four pics most makes you want to shoot yourself in the head with a nailgun? Which combos contain BOTH the elements of the worst of American Douchebaggery and Young Hotness? Which makes you want to down HoHos with a bottle of Irish Rose? Oh wait, that last one was just for me.

Have at it, fellow ‘bag hunters and hotties. Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

The Clapper

Sunday afternoon and all is good. Last night the ‘bags were out in force swarming the hotties in L.A. I did what I could to save as many cuties as I could but it wasn’t easy. They love that tattooed, gelled up, freak look. There’s only so much the DB1 can do.

Can’t save all of ’em.

But anyways, kick back, enjoy your Sunday, and laugh at this fleshy ball of clapping scrote here. More good stuff tomorrow.

The Burp

Ever chug a Big Gulp too fast and let loose with one of those Burp Du Soul moments? Where the vibration of gas echoes through the esophagus and resonates deep within the soul? When it’s more than simply a belch, it’s a reinforcement of one’s existence?

I burp in salute of this hottie.

I burp in disgust at this thuggy ball of goo.

I burp, therefore I am.

White Chocolate Weekend II

Since my stomach is feeling better and in honor of born to be ‘bag, it’s another taste of White Chocolate Weekend here at HCwD.

This one’s like a sucker punch to the groin. I have no idea who W.C. is or what he does, but clearly the spiked, cornrow look, ass-chin and facial pubes like a cracked out b level porn-star are doing the trick.

I can’t tell if this is the same hottie with W.C. in This W.C. pic from a few weeks ago. And I feel like I’ve seen that dress before on the site but my brain is too fried to remember where.

Ugh. Looking at this pic, maybe my stomach isn’t feeling as good as I thought it was. Yechhh.

Indiana Tongue and the Temple of Hot

Indy is all that is tonguey about tonguescrote. I want to drop him in a pit of snakes in ancient Egypt with only his cunning and his hair gel to protect him. Look at that grease forehead. I could run a short-order kitchen off that head. Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger…

As to Chesty McBlonde, she’s what I like to call a time-bomb hottie. Tremendous right now, but one of these days, she’ll tick-tick-boom into a size 12 bohemeth.

But for now? Tutto buono.