Monday, January 15, 2007

HCwD of the Week: Boobies Edition

Last week was a phemonemal run for the soft pillows here at HCwD. It was Springtime in January, bosoms in bloom and birds were singing. I wanted to call Leif Ericson and go hiking in the hinterlands. Explore the infamous Valley Of Cleavite, from which mortal men remain fixated and lost forever. Lo, it is a dangerous journey. But I would undertake it with a spring in my step, and a pillow underfoot.

Thanks again to all the ‘bag hunters who sent in pics to me, the DB1. You guys had some awesome finds. It’s going to be a tough week.

But judge we must, and by “judge” I mean “spew.” So without further ado, lets get to the finalists for the coveted HCwD of the Week Award.

HCwD of the Week #1: Donkey Douche


Since this was a Friday Haiku entry, I didn’t give this caveman/hottie combo its proper name. So we’ll go with Donkey Douche. I considered “Douchey Kong,” but “Donkey Douche” just seems to captivate this ass-chin’s essence so much more phenomenally.

As to a hotter version of Carmen Elektra, there really are no words to summon up the essence of what she does to make my soul sing the Glory of Higher Meaning and my pants to feel funny. As the ever present anonymous writes in the comments thread:

I would write a haiku but the power of her cleavage (best dress ever?) and the fact that this superdouche can’t even muster a smile with this woman near him- has killed my will to think and to live. Boobs.

Boobs indeed, my friend. Boobs indeed.

HCwD of the Week #2: Clay Wankin’


The burning energy of this young ball of hot is enough to power a thousand Priuses. She is everyday hot, “normal looking” enough that you can pretend you have a shot with her (you don’t), and yet covertly beautiful enough for you to fantasize about the possibility she doesn’t know she’s that hot (she does). In short, you lose.

And then there’s Clay. American Idol’s helped out on the prepubescent male look lately, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I would use his head to play street hockey with the troubled youth down at the Y.

Another fantastic entry, and a worthy candidate for a 2007 Douchie no matter what happens.

HCwD of the Week #3: The Turd and the Swan

I forgot about the genius of this pic, where this young bright eyed doe is facing the indignity of the ‘Bag Head Butt from Turd Boy here. No boobies in this pic, but this girl is an absolute beauty. And this pile of human fudge is all that makes the baby Jesus cry.

It’s an absolutely brutal smackdown week for HCwD voting. I personally have no idea yet which of these three contestants rise to the level of the HCwD of the Week, and as such, I’m going to need all the votes I can get to figure this one out.

So what say you? Is it the Turd and the Swan? Donkey Douche? Or Clay Wankin’? Remember to factor in BOTH the pain of the douchebag’s douchitude, and the hotness of the hottie. How much of each, whether you go 50/50, 80/20 or 60/40, must be determined on a case by case basis. Them’s the rules. Now it’s time for the vote.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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