Wednesday, January 10, 2007

HCwD of the Week: Sketch


Well it was a tight vote this week (and by “tight” I mean “spew”) between the overpowering Librarian Hottie with Scrotey Opie and the uber-douche dark forces of Sketch. But in the end, Sketch was too powerful, not to mention his cutie is an absolute peach, so Sketch takes this week’s coveted HCwDotW award.

This week’s debate helped illuminate the problem of how much weight do we give to the HC side of the scale, and how much to the DB. As we can all intuit, this is not simply a 50/50 equation. We must take each pic on a case by case basis, that’s what makes the pleasures of the HCwD pic so engaging. In the case of Scrotey Opie, the dude is standard ‘bag, even if the “Obey” shirt is pretty genius. But the hottie overwhelms the pic and thus raises its value. For Sketch, the cutie is cute, but that shoulder sleeve sends the HC side into overdrive.

BMT struggles with this conundrum as he casts his vote for Scrotey Opie:

As Alexander Pope said, “what mighty contests arise from trivial things.” I’ve already carefully laid-out my cases for these sub-humans so I won’t reiterate their shortcomings; I believe we have to roll with Scrotey Opie this week. I don’t know what “Scrotey Opie” means but I do know what his lady is doing to me. At some point there is an epistomological question that needs to be answerd: how important to a dbag’s constitution as such is the quality of his chick? If a priori douchiness is contained most-largely in the bag himself, then Sketch wins this week like White Chocolate wins every week. But I believe we must weigh his character largely by the strength of his hottie. And so SO has my vote. She’s like the Ladanian Tomlinson of hotness and the other two are Ladell Betts and Zack Crockett. Douche-on, gentlemen.

Well done, BMT, excellent contributions to the field of Douche Studies. Incidentally, for those wondering as to what Opie refers to, it is not the dude on the radio but a reference to little Opie Taylor from the Andy Griffith Show.

douche, phb(ag) concurs with the importance of “hottie saving” as part of the HCwD equation:

Therefore, attention needs to be directed towards the graceful fawns trapped in the barbed wire fence of douchitude, in order that we may learn to disentangle them. To have the courage to set them free.

In which case, holy smoking f@#$, library hottie blows my mind. Glasses. A glimpse of the red brassiere. The mind reels. She needs two men with crowbars and the Jaws of Life to run up and cut her free from the smoking wreckage that is ScrOpie. Bmt can help me get her loose, and then I’ll help him drag Sketch’s body down to the tar pits.

No need to sell me on Librarian Hottie’s charms, phb(ag). As to why Sketch took the prize, iowabagslayer makes the case:

I’m gonna have to cast my vote with #2, Sketch. He looks like a lizard and he has that gawd-awful dislocated shoulder thing going on. That, and he reminds me of a very young Adam Ant, so that seals the deal.

And Mitch Meats concurs:

Sketch: Come the @#$@ on. Look at his @#$@ulon VI head. He looks like an echinoid we all know and love. He screeches DB from every fiber of his soul. And the honey is most juicy. I urge you once more to look at the expression on his unholy visage. If that does not cloud the mind with red dust, I do not know what will.

Sketch, hands down.

Sketch it is.

# posted by douchebag1

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