Saturday, January 6, 2007

The Wooo State


I’ve written previously on the “Wooo! State,” (W.S.) a mild hysteria usually exhibited in a young adult female upon entering an excited sexual state with potential mating ramifications. The Wooo State usually, but not always, manifests in groups of females gathered together as the necessary component of the secondary and tertiary stages of the mating call. The Wooo State emits as a primal guttal noise very similar to anuran amphibians like the iguana’s dewlap. Letting out a series of “Wooo!” mating cries, each female signals the drunken male to approach and reciprocate his interest through the following three mating call responses:

1. “Hey.”
2. “What’s up?”
3. “Want another Miller Lite?”

See Exhibit A, shown here. Once the male has reciprocated interest, the female can either accept or reject the male’s mating overture. The female rejects the male’s offer of a red cup of Miller Lite/sex by continuing to emit the “Wooo!” sound as she rejoins the female pack, or she accepts the overture with the following mating call response:

1. “I’m like sooooo drunk.”

However the W.S. also has ramifications of douchebaggery outside of its direct use as mating signifier. This involves what I’d like to term the “Primal Douchebag Trauma.” P.D.T. usually occurs in a female around the age of 14 or 15, when she witnesses an older sibling using the Wooo State to attract a douchebag. Once this mating dance is imprinted on the young teenage female, she seeks to replicate the actions on her own once reaching college or the local mall. In this way, douchebag mating dances become replicated through imprint.

But it is important to note that the Wooo State does not automatically indicate a stage of Douche Virus infection on behalf of the female. While there is causality, a female who has been exposed to extensive douchebaggery through a series of boyfriends does tend to engage the Wooo State to an excessive degree, it is not an absolute requisite. Therefore Wooo State can not fully be removed from the realm of a Stage-3 or State-4 Bleeth Infection. It must be factored in, along with dress, hand gestures, and facial sneer, to determine at what stage an adult female has progressed along the lines of rank douchebaggery.

# posted by douchebag1

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