Monday, February 12, 2007

HCwD of the Week: Scratch Ticket Edition

I played a $3 scratch ticket yesterday, and after figuring out the labyrinthine math equations involving symbol matching and cross referencing pattern recognition, I finally realized that I’d won the amazing prize called “TICKET.”

Yes, I’d “won” my money back, in the guise of another ticket.

Last time I checked, that’s called a “PUSH” not a “WIN.” But whatever. I took back my three bucks and bought a cherry slurpie. Mmm… cherry slurpie.

Since last week’s HCwD contest was a monthly one, we have two weeks of backorder scrote, so boiling it down to a top three was tough. I open it up to the Hall of Scrote Committee, if there’s any eggregious errors, let me know quickly and I can revise voting by early afternoon. That being said, lets get to the scratch ticket nominees:

HCwD of the Week Candidate #1: T ‘Bag

Hard to argue with a more spew worthy HCwD combo than this pic of country bumpkin fratbag and his lovely ambiguously Maylasian compatriot.

She is tanned to perfection, and he’s a white tub of toothpaste. But not even the good toothpaste, that crappy generic brand stuff that your grandma would leave out when you came to visit. That half dried white crusty flake-goo that would crumble as your brushed your teeth.

That’s what T ‘Bag is. Crumbly generic toothpaste.

HCwD of the Week Candidate #2: The Chronicles of Riddouche

Pin Diesel is a worthy HCwD candidate if for no other reason than that cactusplosion hair. And she’s all that is good about Jersey, even if in real life she probably has an accent that tortures penguins on a sonic frequency.

Besides, “everyone loves an Italian something something,” and who can argue with that logic?

Greasy cheekbones and a hint of Holy Cleavite makes a nice finalist for this pic of skeezy classic guido scrote and sexy brunette hotness merging into one HCwD pic of wrong.

HCwD of the Week Candidate #3: The Pud Cactus

Looks like we’re going with three hottie brunettes in this week’s contest, which I personally prefer to the bleached blonde look myself. Not that I’m complaining about blondes. Heck, I’d take a feral inbred forty year old West Virginian mountain woman with a goiter if she had all her teeth.

Not that there’s anything wrong with West Virginian mountain women. Some of my best friends are West Virginian mountain women.

But back to the Pud Cactus, this pic definitely brings up the bile in the back of the throat, especially as this swarthy mediterranean skeeze looks like he drew in his facial pubes with a sharpie.

I would rhythmically tap out “Camptown Races” on my face with spoons just to get the chance to lick her socks for an hour while watching Oprah. She makes Angels fear to tread.

So what say you, fellow ‘bags, ‘bag hunters and hotties? Which of these three pics is worthy of winning the hallowed HCwD of the Week contest?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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