Tuesday, March 20, 2007

HCwD of the Week: 'Baggers Day Edition

Since it’s the one year anniversary, and I’m still recovering from that shot of absinthe, I thought we’d mark this week’s contest the ‘Baggers Day edition. Which basically means it’s just like any other weekly vote except I eat an extra moon pie.

Mmm… moon pie.

Speaking of moon pies, now is a good time to announce that I’ve set up a site redirect at www.HCwDB.com for anyone at work who fears the douchebaggery of my regular URL might offend the delicate sensibilities of those untrained in the ‘bag arts. I’m also trying to get my RSS feed to work but I hear it’s spotty thanks to Blogger’s assitude, so bear with.

But enough of my ramblings, on to this week’s finalists:

HCwD of the Week Finalist #1: Indiana Scrote and the Temple of Blonde aka Friday Haiku


Throw me the hottie, I throw you the gel!

This monarch of the sea is definitely a finalist worthy entry, not just because that blonde could melt the frost off Marion’s ass. Indiana Scrote needs to have his heart ripped out by offensive Hollywood “primitive” stereotypes while the director hits on his co-star.

There’s also the genius appearance of a James Bond villain henchman in the background, Odd Face, which lends the pic a certain intertextual echo.

Did I mention the hotness of the Temple of Blonde? She is my Hebraic Covenant. Her ass is a transmitter, a radio for speaking to God. I would Belloq her bad dates. Watching Indiana Scrote rub up against her is enough to make me shove the Staff of Ra six kadam’s up his douchey ass.

HCwD of the Week Finalist #2: Westbank Side


There’s something glorious about seeing the douche Grieco Virus go global. And by glorious I mean soul crushing ball smashing wrongness.

Westbank Side busts all the classic ‘bag attributes wrapped in a grape leaf hummus package. Those glasses, those facial pubes cut in landing strip formation. those braids, and of course ‘bag hand gesture #57.

Red on the left is sexy suburban housewife covert hot. She’ll wear a sun dress to church, then tie you up with black licorice at night. Never underestimate the stealth sexiness.

But Pocahontas just warms the cockles of my heart. And by cockles I mean… uhm, yeah.

HCwD of the Week Finalist #3: Wee Willy Wanker

Wee Willy Wanker just has that feel of an iconic HCwDB pic. His expression. The coral snake of douchitude around his neck. His earring that 1989 wants back. And of course his curvy, if slightly plump, little turkey of hot.

The combo of hottie/douchey head assploding wrongness just works. I’m not sure why as it’s more than the sum of its parts, but it’s definitely a spew worthy finalist and well deserving of consideration to move on to next month’s monthly douche-off.

It was tough to eliminate Plastic Man, Rooster Wank, Coffee Bag and Insane in the Douchebrane, which also has a certain iconic flair. Coffee Bag was eliminated because I heard from Mr. Coffee, and he wasn’t too thrilled about being featured but grudgingly allowed us to keep the pic up after careful international negotiations between myself and the Coff. So better not to rattle that cage.

And of course Truck Head, whose hottie alone makes me think this pic should get a bump to the hallowed Hall of Scrote as The Future Ex-Mrs. DB1’s Wife #2.

But enough digressions, it’s time to vote. And this goes for all you lurkers too. Time to step up to the plate and cast in with one of our three lovely finalists. And by lovely I mean moon pie.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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