Saturday, March 24, 2007

The Douchinator


Is it just me or does this stubbly tool remind you of Michael Biehn, “Reese” in the first Terminator movie. But then if he’s the douche Michael Biehn, that would make him the hero rather than the Douchinator, which will just ruin my attempts at making various obscure Terminator references.

Dammit.

And I was going to go with the whole young Bill Paxton punk, “Your Hotties, Give them to Me” angle. Toss in a solid “Laser Pulse Hair Gel with L.A. looks wax.” “Hey, just what you see, pal.” Maybe slip in a few “And he will not stop… until you are Bleethed!” lines. Then end with a rousing “You’re Grieco’d, douchebag!”

Man I need to get out more often.

EDIT: Or I can just turn it over to metalmilitia from the comments thread:

ReeseBag: “There was a war. A few years from now. A war on douchebags. The whole thing. All this–“

ReeseBag gestures to the skeezy nightclub. He stops and points at a couple of lurkbags.

“–everything is gone. Just gone. There’s no hair gel anywhere. No facial grease. Highlights are impossible to come by, as is Jesus bling and ‘Bag tags. There were survivors. Here. There. Nobody knew who started it.”

(pause)

“It was the DoucheHunters.”

Hotties: “I don’t understand.”

ReeseBag: “Internet communications. Bloggers. Web designers. Hooked into everything. They saw the effect that the Grieco virus was having on women everywhere. They calculated that nearly 50% of the worlds cuties would be Bleethed to level 3 or worse by by 2020. They saw all douche bags as threats. Decided our fate in a microsecond. Extermination.”

Well played, sir.

# posted by douchebag1

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