Friday, April 20, 2007

HCwDB of the Month: Rooster Wank


In the end, Rooster was not to be denied. This pic really does sum up everything confusing, sickening, disquieting, arousing, confounding and head smackingly wrong about a perfect HC and DB combination. A combination whose insanity overwhelmes the senses and whettes the palette like so much garlic before sushi. If that sushi were a gelled up Rooster douche.

The sweet, wholesome corn fed southern charms of this brunette minx with the pearly white smile. And by smile I mean boobies. The overwhelming max-factor douchosity of The Rooster, with smirk, test pattern hair shavings and genius popped collar. Together they knocked out The Cowlick, took down Indy Scrote Belloq style, and defeated the Douche Platoon at the Battle of Assassus Junction.

It was a convincing victory. And by victory, I mean poo.

As many of the commenters noted, a true HCwDB pic must be savored not just for the ‘baggy scroads displaying their douchey charms, but for the level of hotness they’ve attracted. Both sides of the scale must be weighed and considered. And in this pic, both sides were too strong to overcome.

jonezy breaks down just how The Rooster transcends:

The other douches in the running play the part when they go out- they gel up and axe out for the night, but this ‘bag wakes up everyday the same bag he was when he fell asleep. When he visits his Mom in her trailer park, he’s still in douche mode. When he goes to his grandmother’s 80th birthday party, he wears the same hairstyle, popped collar, and silly smirk. Its similar to the Superman speech Bill gives in volume II- there is no return from that- there is no turning it off.

Excellent Superman II reference sir. But that didn’t mean Douche Platoon didn’t come in a strong second. The lineup of four classic ‘bag cliches in a row surrounding one sexy Miami Beach hottie, was enough to convince some. Napolean Douche-a-mite made the case:

I don’t see how it could be any other than the Douche Platoon. It’s a simple, by-the-numbers decision. In Douche Platoon you have a collected 80-90 years of guy-douche, somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 gym hours to make sure that the Platoon’s man-melons are just as big as hers are, 15 wasted years of college where these guys met/pledged together/drank each other’s semen/etc, and one set of amazing sunglasses (I’m sorry, but the FratDouche on the right, despite the fact that he is pointing out the obvious, has some awesome glasses). Plus, the girl is pull-off-my-own-ear hot. So that is my vote.

But for most, Rooster had it all. As the famous Indian douche guru BAGwan Singh puts it:

As to the Rooster, this guys picture reminds me of a fatal accident you pass on the highway. You drive real slow and you can’t take your eyes off of it or get enough of it! I’m not gonna comment on the hair, what can you say…All other bag attributes present and accounted for with the exception of the hand gesture. But since he is drinking a Pink Lady, that makes up for this minor infraction. He’s got the HC and she is showing significate levels of Bleeth. It has to be the rooster.

And so it is, BAGwan. Like sands in the hourglass of scrote, these are the douches of our lives.

# posted by douchebag1

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